Scarecrow
by ndestroya
Summary: With the Dark Lord defeated, Harry now faces the most difficult journey of his life. He needs to face his own mind and the demons created over the past 7 years. There's no one left to lean on. Mentions self harm, suicide, sex, slash, violence, drugs.
1. The Letter

First Harry Potter fan fiction. Rated R. Post Deathly Hallows. Mentions of self-harm, drugs, suicide. Please read and please comment

Harry opened his eyes for the time that day. It was 5:45 in the morning and he had to begin getting ready to go to his auror training program. He had been fighting with Ginny again last night and was exhausted from arguing all night and then not being able to get to sleep for hours afterward. He couldn't stand the anxiety induced by the thought of Ginny wanting to leave him and he had spent most of the night brainstorming ways he could get her to look at him the way she had when they had first started dating.

As Harry slowly sat up in bed, he could feel the sick, heavy tiredness in his bones. Troubled thoughts of Ginny finally escaped him, and all he could think about was his desperation to return to the land of dreams. It was times like this that Harry wanted out of the Auror Training Program. It had been only a year since Harry had defeated Lord Voldemort. As soon as he realized that his life was free from the burden of killing the Dark Lord and avenging his parents' ghosts, he was suddenly clueless about what he really wanted to do with himself. He had been living with the Weasleys and decided to do the only thing that had seemed logical to him at the time, which was to become an auror. Now that he was fully immersed in the program, he was feeling his motivation plunging.

The Ministry had been paying Harry monthly royalties for the trepidation he had experienced for the past few years. He had no need for a real career, but Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had guided Harry towards what they had assumed he would want to be his next step, which was to be an auror and fight against the dark arts. As Harry's relationship with Ginny fell apart, he was losing grip on deciding what he thought was important. He no longer wanted to deal with any of this. Now that he had killed the man who murdered his parents, the last thing he wanted to be involved in was the Dark Arts or the defense against them. He was just trying to experience feeling truly safe and happy for the first time in his life.

When Harry went downstairs, he was greeted by the smell of breakfast.

"Good Morning, Mrs. Weasley!" Harry said as he entered the kitchen. He immediately noticed that Ginny was there too, sitting at the table. Taken aback, Harry nervously smiled at her, unsure of what to say after their fight the night before.

"Morning Harry," Mrs. Weasley replied. She turned around to look at Harry and said, "What time did you go to bed last night? You look exhausted! If you want to get through the entire program alive, you must start getting to bed earlier."

"I know, I know," Harry mumbled. Ginny immediately got up and left the room, sighing heavily as she left. She never even looked at him.

Harry sighed as well and closed his eyes, resting his head in is hands. He felt Mrs. Weasley's hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes. A plate of eggs and toast sat in front of him.

"Thanks," Harry said quietly.

"Don't worry," Mrs. Weasley said in a kind voice. "I know she loves you, she's just confused about what she wants." Harry looked up at her. "You two have been through a lot," she continued. "You're sure to hit some rough patches. Just be patient with her."

Harry smiled, happy that she was on his side. He wasn't sure whether the whole family had heard Ginny yeling last night, but now he knew everyone must know they were fighting. Or was Ginny just taking to her mother about them? Harry ate his breakfast while talking to Mrs. Weasley about what he planned to do after he finished his first year of the auror training program. He was relieved that they had not talked about Ginny again. He needed advice, but felt embarrassed about his relationship problems around Ginny's family.

Weeks had gone by since their fight and things had only been getting worse between Harry and Ginny. Ginny didn't seem to have any interest in making up. The two used to spend most of their free time in each other's company. Lately, Ginny had found a new group of friends that she went out with often. She didn't tell anyone in her family where she was going and she would never bring Harry, or even Hermione and Ron, with her. Harry finally decided to talk to Hermione about what he should do.

Hermione lived with the Weasleys as well. She and Ron had been dating ever since their first kiss, and she began living with him again because he needed help while he and his family grieved the loss of Fred. Harry found Hermione reading in the den downstairs. He was pretty sure no one was in the vicinity so he realized he should do this now or never. He entered the room and then ended up standing at the threshold wringing his hands akwardly. Hermione looked up at him and frowned.

"What's wrong?" Hermione asked. Harry chose to walk up to the couch and sit down instead of answering immediately. He was more nervous than he had anticipated he would be. For some reason, talking about his girlfriend with one of his best friends seemed so embarrassing.

"I just wanted to talk to you about something," Harry mumbled, "that is sort of... I don't know. I'm sure you've noticed that Ginny hasn't been talking to me-"

"I know-," Hermione stammered. She suddenly looked uncomfortable.

"Well," Harry continued, "I just don't know where I went wrong. She's acting as if I did something terrible to her. I don't know what to say to get her to talk to me. I mean," Harry looked at Hermione desperately, "I think she wants to leave me."

There was a silence. Hermione seemed to be thinking about what to say.

"Well," she started, "I don't really understand what it is she's angry about, but..." Hermione sighed. "She seems like she wants a change." Harry looked at her quizzically. "Change? C'mon, Hermione, I need you to be more specific than that."

"Harry," Hermione seemed exasperated. "All I can say is that she's been distancing herself from everyone in the family, not just you. She won't talk to me about you, but what I can say is that she..." Hermione trailed off and Harry glared at her, "well, it's not looking good," she finished.

Harry had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He had expected to have Hermione tell him that all women are crazy and he just needs to do something really nice and original for Ginny. The last thing he thought he would hear was that he didn't have a chance.

"You really think she wants to leave me?" Harry asked. He sounded like a lost child. Hermione looked apologetic.

"I'm sorry, Harry."

That night, Harry went out and bought Ginny flowers. He had decided to make a last ditch effort before he didn't have a chance. He bought a card as well. After much deliberation he decided to spill his guts in a letter, rather than just writing "Love Harry."

He wrote:

_Dear Ginny,_

_I want you to know that I will always be here for you. I'm sorry that we fight so often. All I want is to make you happy and be your man forever. I need you to know that our relationship is the most important thing in my life. Without, you, Ginny, I am nothing. Although you haven't been talking to me, I know that you still love me. I promised you that I would love you forever, and i will stand by that as long as I live. You are my pride, my love, and my best friend. Please talk to me, Ginny. I will do anything to make us work_.

Harry kept rereading the letter and decided to stop it there before he went too far. Ginny would probably be home soon so he signed the letter and put the letter and her flowers on her desk in her room and left. He went upstairs to his bed and laid down.

Suddenly a large brown owl swooped into his room. He tossed a letter onto his lap and flew out the window. Harry grabbed the note and saw that it was addressed to him. It didn't look professional. In fact, it was a single sheet of paper with some writing on it. Harry opened the note not knowing what to expect.

_Harry,_

_Come to Geary's Coffee at 7pm. Don't tell anyone. I want you to see something_.

The letter wasn't signed, but instead, simply said _I'm sorry_ at the bottom_. _

Harry's heart started racing. He looked at the clock. It was 6:20. He didn't know what to do, so began to carefully examine the piece of paper. Could this be a trap from a scorned Death Eater? He knew Geary's Coffee was in Hogsmeade, but he had never been there and was anxiously racking his brains to think of anyone who had mentioned the place before. The letter looked like it was written by a female. What would someone want him to see? The letter was so completely mysterious that he had no idea what he should do? Why would they be sorry? Time was ticking by. It was now 6:30.

Harry decided to go to Geary's Coffee, but he was going to wear his Invisibility Cloak. He would only reveal himself once he felt he should. He walked over to his trunk and pulled his wand out of his belt.

"Alohomora," Harry casted. He was shaking. He was so unsure of what he was doing. The part he was most uncomfortable with was the idea of not telling anyone. What if he was walking into his death? No one would even know where he had went. Reaching down into his trunk, he pulled out a bag that contained a pill bottle. He removed the single pill and casted a single spell. The pill turned into his Invisibility Cloak. He threw it over himself and walked downstairs. He crept past Hermione and skulked outside. Harry stood outside for a few moments. He was thinking of what he should do in the case that anything terrible went down. He looked down at the note, which he still had in his hand.

_Im sorry_

Those words offered him a feeling of foreboding that sent a shiver through him. He let the note drop from his clutch. It almost hit the ground before it was carried away by the wind, where it flew into the distant fields surrounding the Weasley's house. Harry disapparated.

He found himself at the end of the long main road that went through Hogsmeade. He wrapped the cloak around himself tighter and adjusted his grip on his wand before he began walking towards Geary's Coffee. After weaving through Hogsmeade's many pedestrians, Harry found himself outside of the coffee shop. He looked down at his watch and realized it was 6:50. Should he go in and take a seat, or wait outside to see who would enter first? Harry decided to at least wait until 7:00 to enter the building.

Looking around the street, Harry observed that it was a slightly slower day in the busy town than usual. Five minutes had elapsed when he noticed a familiar face walking up the street. Dean Thomas was wearing a black cloak as he casually walked closer to Geary's Coffee. He came about a foot from Harry before he opened the door and stepped into the cafe. Harry knew this had to be the person he was meeting. What was the chance a friend of his would be at the same coffee house? He decided to take a seat inside and wait until 7:00 to tell Dean he was there.

Dean was sitting at the back most table by himself, when Harry entered the building. The place was mostly empty except for a group of 4 women sitting near the front window of the shop. Harry sat at an empty table directly next to where Dean sat. Harry was looking around for any sign of danger. Although Dean was here, and his feeling of impending doom had passed, Harry wanted to be vigilant in case this was a coincidence or a trap. Harry looked down at his watch again. It was precisely 7:00 when Ginny walked into the coffee shop. Harry's body went cold. What was going on? The numerous possibilities of why Ginny was there were flying through Harry's head rapidly as he watched her walk across the room, right past him, and smile as she met eyes with Dean.

"Sweetheart!" she exclaimed. Harry turned around in his seat just in time to see Ginny and her ex-boyfriend share a deep kiss.

"So, how_ are_ you?" Dean asked, smiling and holding Ginny's hand tightly.

"Really great," Ginny's voice was high pitched, "now that I finally get to see you again..."

Harry couldn't hear anything more. He felt his body stand up and walk towards the door clumsily. He knocked into two chairs as he tried to get out of the door as quickly as possible. Walking quickly down the street, Harry worked through his sudden mental paralysis to realize that he had no destination.

How long had she been lying to him? How could she do that to him? Panic was descending upon Harry. He felt as though surrounded by dementors. What would happen now? Maybe she still loved Harry. Maybe this could be fixed. Harry was trying hard to not to fixate on the idea of Ginny breaking up with him. Would she want him to move out of the Weasley's house? Where would he live? Where could he go? Harry found himself at the entrance of a small, old-looking, graveyard, located along the edge of the town. He walked through the decrepit black gate. Sitting down on a small stone bench, Harry took a deep breath and began to cry. Soon enough, Ginny would leave him for Dean and he would, once again, be all alone. What would the Weasley's think once Ginny decided to leave him after only a year of dating? What did Dean do to make her be disloyal to Harry? Harry didn't know what to do. He suddenly felt that his best move was to move out of the Weasley's that night. If Harry didn't see Ginny everyday, they might not have to confront the issue right away. It was possible she just needed some space. It was decided. He would just leave tonight. Stay at a tavern for a few days and then find some place to live. He had money that he had been waiting to invest. He couldn't live at the Weasley's forever.

Looking around the cemetery, Harry felt like joining those 6 feet below him. He had the feeling that Ginny was unhappy with him, but he never thought she could cheat. He didn't think he could even face her. What would he say? Harry decided to leave the house before she returned. He disapparated and ended up 30 feet away from the Weasley's front door. Mrs. Weasley and Hermione were inside when Harry entered the building. He silently crept past the two and went up to his room.

He transfigured his Invisibility Cloak and returned it to his trunk. While circling the room and grabbing all of his possessions, Harry thought about what to say to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley. They must know that the two were having problems. He could just say that he thought Ginny needed space and that he thought it would help fix their relationship. Shit, he could just say that he had money that he wanted to invest. He was starting to feel pretty numb. He could do this. Just walk down the stairs, talk to the people, then walk out the door.

All of his things were packed and he walked down the stairs levitating his trunk down before him.

He went to the kitchen where Hermione, Mrs. Weasley, and now Ron, were sitting and talking. They looked confused as he entered the room and said,

"I've decided that it would be for the best of my relationship with Ginny to no longer live here. I just think that maybe she needs a little space at this point of our relationship..." Harry trailed off, looking around nervously as he thought about what else he could say that would get him quickly out of the house. "I appreciate everything that you have done for me, Mrs. Weasley. I really do. I don't know what I would have done without you. I just...I just need a change."

Everyone looked at Harry dumbfounded. Mrs. Weasley opened her mouth to say something, but then just shook her head in confused disbelief. Harry took that as his cue to walked out the door. As he walked halfway across the yard a gust of wind blew past him, carrying a small piece of paper, which landed gracefully at Harry's feet. Picking it up, he realized it was the note written to him earlier that day. He looked down at it. _Im Sorry, _he read again. Somehow, he had almost completely forgotten about the note. Harry put the letter into his pocket and disapparated to Diagon Alley, where he entered the Leaky Cauldron. He worked through the excruciating small talk that Tom had started with him. Harry wanted nothing more than to escape to his privacy and quietly destruct. Finally, Harry was given a key to his room. He climbed the stairs, unlocked the door, and put his trunk down. Sitting on the bed to gather himself briefly, an old, ugly owl flew into the room. It dropped a letter on the bed next to Harry and left the room. Harry had no idea what to expect as he picked up the note. He couldn't possibly stand another revelation such as the one he experienced today. The note simply read:

_Thanks for the flowers_

_Ginny_

_Thank you for reading! please comment! it mea_ns the world to me


	2. If we had dueled, I would've killed you

Harry threw the letter onto the floor and began to sob. He had lost his parents, his godfather, Lupin, Dumbledore, his fucking pet owl, and now the love of his life. Why did he deserve this? Harry felt completely alone, sitting in the cramped inn room by himself. He had no family, and no one who would love him. Would Ginny stay with him or would she leave him for Dean. Dean! Fucking Dean! Harry started to shake, but this time it was not from fear. Rage was filling his mind and body. Why did everything have to always get so fucked up for him? Harry stood up. His hands were balled into fists. He paced around the room and spontaneously screamed and kicked at furniture.

He had to do something. The infectious feeling of rotting sorrow was overtaking him. When would he finally feel peace and enjoyment in life? He had dealt with misfortune his whole life and never caught a break. Harry walked over to his trunk and pulled out a small bag of toiletries. He grabbed a razor from within. He carried it back to his bed where he crawled on top and got comfortable. Tears were still flowing down Harry's face as he carefully removed the blade from its plastic casing. Next, Harry took his shoe and sock off and pulled the pant leg of his trousers up to his knee. He grabbed his wand and burned the edge of the blade with a small flame.

Taking a deep calming breath, Harry slowly, but firmly, slid the sharp, smooth metal over his skin. Like a pen, a clean red line followed the edge of the razor. Immediately the thin line erupted into a deep red gush of blood that dripped slowly down his leg towards his ankle. He couldn't help but continue weeping as he placed the blade back at the top of his leg and made another 6 inch slice down his leg. He did this one more time, until he finally felt the rush of relief wash over him. His chest seemed to be less tight, so he took another deep, calming breath.

Laying back on the bed, Harry was just beginning to rest his brain. As he felt the wet blood slide down his leg, he relaxed and thought about Ginny. He knew she loved him. He just had to find away to stop her from cheating. Get her to tell Dean she didn't like him.

Harry decided to take a shower and wash the blood off of the wounds. He cuffed his pant leg so that it wouldn't fall down into the cuts and akwardly walked to the bathroom, trying not to make a mess as he made his way to the bath tub. He took a shower and bandaged up his leg. He didn't think he could properly perform a healing charm, so he figured he would let them heal naturally. When Harry got out of the bathroom, he noticed that it was 9:45. He wanted to run out and grab some cigarettes before everything was closed. Harry quickly dressed and ran down the stair well and out of the Leaky Cauldron. He got to a convenience store just down the block and bought 3 packs of cigarettes. As he was crossing the street, Harry noticed that a liquor store was still open. He quickly walked over to it and entered the building. The clerks didn't look up as he opened the door. Walking towards the back wall of the store, Harry was trying to figure out why he came in here. The store was about to close so he had to make a choice. He decided to grab a pack of beers and take them back to the Leaky Cauldron Inn. He would have asked Tom, but he didn't want to have to engage in any more conversations with anyone. After paying for the booze, Harry left the store and returned to his room at the Inn.

The window in his room was wide open and Harry decided to light up a cigarette as he laid on his bed staring at the wall. The smoke seemed to be calming him down slightly as he began to think. The only thoughts that his mind was allowing him to entertain at the moment was ways that he could hurt Dean. In fact, if Harry wasn't dead set on never taking another life, he would prefer to just kill Dean altogether. By the time he was on his second cigarette, Harry remembered about the beer he had just purchased. Rolling over to the edge of his bed, Harry reached down and grabbed a bottle. He removed the cap and downed the entirety of its contents. Another drag of his cigarette, another grand idea of how to remove Dean from Ginny's life.

Harry continued drinking and smoking alone in his rented room as he laid on the bed and thought about his life. The constant misfortune he was subject to simply wasn't fair. He had had exactly what he wanted. Ginny. Then Dean came along and just took her away. Was that why she wasn't talking to him? Was she just waiting to dump him? He considered the note he received upon entering the room.

_Thanks for the flowers _

_Ginny_

Why would she even bother to thank him? Especially after he had just seen her kissing another man. She must be just teasing him. Stringing him along and fucking with his emotions. Someone had to pay for this. As the alcohol slowly, but surely molded Harry's thoughts, his thoughts became increasingly violent. He wanted to hurt somebody. Someone needed to feel as bad as he was feeling now. Harry considered the letter which had led him to Geary's Coffee. Who had written it? Who knew about this? So many possibilities were lining up in Harry's mind as he considered them each. Ginny may have written it, if she was trying to find a way to break up with him without having to speak to him. It could have been Hermione. The words were written in a script that seem to belong to that of a female, so it probably wasn't Ron or any of his brothers.

He reached down for another beer, only to discover that he had, indeed, finished all six of them. It was 11:00. Harry knew that there was only one thing he could do to allow himself to sleep soundly tonight. If he wasn't going to have the girl of his dreams, he would beat the shit out of the man who did.

Harry once again removed his Invisibility Cloak from his trunk. His wand was still in his belt and Harry clutched it in his hand as he pondered the feeling of performing the crucio curse upon Dean. As he walked toward the door, he realized how wasted he really was. His feet seemed to be completely unable to walk a straight line. Before opening the door to the hallway, Harry braced himself while holding tightly onto the doorknob. He thought of his beautiful Ginny. He had no idea what on earth she saw in Dean. What did he possibly have that Harry did not? Raw hatred boil in Harry stomach and chest. He wanted to hurt Dean do bad. He wanted Dean to feel the way he did when he saw the motherfucker kissing _his_ girl.

Harry left the Leaky Cauldron's Inn and apparated to Hogsmeade. Dean was living there after his home had been destroyed during the war against Voldemort. Harry knew which house he lived in, but knew he would need to find which room Dean was in once he got there. He started once again at the long main road that ran through the town. It was getting closer and closer to midnight as Harry began walking passing many stores that had been closed for the night hours ago. He briefly recalled walking down this road only hours earlier, before he realized that his whole world was going to crumble. A fresh wave of hate passed through him. Dean, that motherfucker. How could he do that to Harry? Harry was well aware of how beautiful his girlfriend was, but he never thought he would get deceived this terribly. Although Dean and Ginny had dated in the past, Harry had always thought that Ginny was completely over him. What could she possibly like about him anyway?

Harry was sick of thinking about why Ginny no longer wanted him as he approached the house Dean lived in. Before Harry entered the building, he made sure that his whole body was completely covered by his Cloak. He then cast a silencing charm upon himself that would keep him from being heard by anyone as he walked through the house.

"Alohomora," Harry whispered. The front door opened, as easy as that, and Harry crept as quietly as he could, weary of the silencing charm not doing its job. There was a staircase to the left of the door, and he figured that Dean was most likely to be up there somewhere. Harry climbed the stairs and found himself facing five doors, spread out along a relatively short hallway. Harry very briefly entertained the idea that what he was doing was absolutely insane. The house was silent, so he assumed that everyone was asleep. Harry approached the first door and very slowly, he turned the knob. He peaked in and immediately retracted. It appeared as though it was Dean's parents room. This disturbed Harry for some reason. He suddenly felt like some sort of apparition, floating through this house, haunting innocent people. As Harry very carefully closed the door, he thought if Dean isn't in any of these rooms, he would just leave. Think of some other way to avenge his broken heart.

Harry tried the next door. He looked inside and saw someone lying in bed, snoring. The unknown person rolled over. That's when Harry realized he had found Dean. Suddenly, all his fear was gone, replaced by searing, red hot anger. It was only hours ago that he had seen the fucker with his girl. Harry walked up to the bed and grabbed Dean by his hair, painfully dragging him out of the bed. His feet hit the floor with a thud. Dean woke up with a terrible start. He was confused and in pain. Harry didn't want the whole house waking up, so he quickly wrapped his hands around Dean's upper arm and dragged him into the hallway.

Dean began freaking out. Harry was still beneath his Invisibility Cloak, so all Dean was aware of was an unknown force dragging him out of his slumber.

"Ahhh-! Let me go!" Dean yelled. He was squirming in Harry's grasp and was looking all around for the source of the violence. Harry was starting to become worried that someone would hear what was going on. He got to the top of the stairs and hurled Dean down the flight. Harry ran down after him. Dean was curled up in pain, moaning loudly. He seemed to be confused and very much out of it. Harry once again, grabbed Dean by his hair, opened the door, and pulled him out into the street.

"What the fuck?" Dean yelled. He stood up off the ground, rubbing his head. "What the-"

Harry removed his Invisibility Cloak. He and Dean were standing in the middle of the street at midnight. Dean looked at Harry, and understanding washed over him.

"I'm sorry-" Dean started.

"Fuck you!" Harry yelled over him, breaking his own silencing charm. Harry began walking closer to Dean. Dean was trying to walk backward, and away from Harry.

"If you're going to du- duel me," Dean stuttered, "you should let me get my wand first."

Harry walked up to Dean in one great stride, grabbed him by his neck and punched him in the face. Dean cried out. The force of Harry's knuckles connecting with Dean's face caused Dean to fall backward onto the ground again. Harry kicked him in the stomach and in the head. Dean cried and moaned as Harry stood over him, simply enjoying the sight. He, once again, grabbed Dean by his hair, pulling his head up. Harry spit in his face then slammed his head into the ground. Dean began screaming and trying to crawl away from Harry.

"Please," Dean sobbed. Blood was running down his face from where his nose collided with the pavement. Before he got too far, Harry made a running start and kicked Dean in the ribs multiple times. Dean was no longer moving. Harry grabbed him by his collar and pulled him to his feet. Harry looked into the face that Ginny had kissed earlier that day. Dean had tears and blood running down his face and neck. One of his eyes was beginning to swell shut. He wasn't really looking at Harry, just standing sort of limply. Harry was just beginning to feel a little better. His craving for violence against Dean was subsiding as he saw the man crying in front of him. Harry knew it was time to leave, before anyone heard anything going on. Harry punched Dean in his face one last time, causing Dean's head to smash into the ground, knocking him out.

Harry stepped back and observed the man lying face down in the road.

"Are you kidding," Harry chuckled to himself, "if we had dueled, I would have killed you."

He pulled a box of cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one up. Harry smiled slightly as he realized how drunk he still was. He took a drag apparated home.

Thank you for reading! Please comment! it means so much to me to know what you think


	3. Magic Muggle

Harry spent the rest of the week at the Leaky Cauldron Inn while he was looking for a permanent place. Through the misery surrounding his cheating girlfriend, he decided to blow a bunch of money. He finally found a huge, beautiful flat in Chelsea. He began moving in, but soon realized he had very little possessions to move. He went out and bought a television, a couch, and a coffee table. As he was shopping, he ran into and old friend from grade school. Her name was Natalie, and she was Harry's first ever crush. She had black hair and blue eyes. Harry used to write her little love notes and even stole cash from Uncle Vernon to buy her a necklace. When he wrote her a Valentine's Day card, she told little 8 year old Harry that she didn't like boys. Now, they were both 19 and to Harry's surprise, she still didn't like boys, she wasn't just letting him down gently. She lived with her girlfriend in London. She and Harry caught up, and she informed Harry that her twin brother was visiting from the states. His name was Kyle, and the two hadn't grown up together because their parents separated when they were toddlers. Natalie lived with her mother in Surrey and Kyle wanted to live with his dad in New Jersey, US. Kyle was fresh out of high school and decided to live in the UK while he figured out what to do with himself. He lived in London with a girlfriend who he had been dating for only a couple months. Natalie informed Harry that Kyle sold weed. Harry thought that smoking might lift his spirits, so Natalie set Harry up with Kyle so that he could score some chronic.

Harry was waiting in the parking lot of a Wimpy's restaurant. It was hot out and he was growing slightly impatient while he waited for Kyle to show up. A blue trans am pulled into the parking lot and Harry was surprised to see the car in the UK. The car parked and Harry saw a man emerge. He had a black mohawk and green eyes. Both of his arms were tattooed as well as a portion of his neck. Harry also noted that his lip was pierced.

"You Harry?" the man asked. Harry was taken aback by his American accent, even though he knew he should have expected it.

"Yes," Harry replied, "I'm Harry."

"Cool, well, uh, did u walk here or what?" Actually Harry had apparated there, but he nodded.

"Alright," Kyle said, "why don't you hop in my car real quick. I'm not trying to sell this shit right in the middle of a parking lot."

They both got into Kyle's car, and he started it and drove off. He began complaining about how hot it was and how bad the traffic was in the city. Harry got 100 muggle pounds out of his wallet and gave it to Kyle.

"Thanks," Kyle said. "So, uh, what are you doing now?"

"I don't know," Harry replied. "I guess I'm going to go smoke some of this."

"Do you wanna match?" Kyle asked. He was smiling. "I mean, shit, I've got nothing to do either."

Harry assumed this meant smoke together. "Yeah, sure."

"Nice, I already gotta wrap. Okay, well, can we go to your place?" Kyle asked. "My girl doesn't really like me smoking at her house and it is way too fucking hot out."

Harry agreed and explained to Kyle where he lived. They arrived outside the building and parked on the street.

"Damn, dude!" Kyle exclaimed. "You live here?"

"Yep," Harry replied proudly, happy to finally show someone his sick ass crib.

"This is your parents' place?" Kyle asked.

"Nope, I live by myself..."

"Sweet."

They walked into the building and took the elevator to the penthouse. Harry used a key to open the door, weary of Kyle noticing him using magic. They entered the flat and Kyle immediately noticed how empty it was.

"So, I'm guessing you're either into feng shui or you just moved in."

"Yeah," Harry replied. "I actually moved in just a few days ago."

"Nice, well I'ma start rolling this." Kyle said walking over to the couch and starting to break up the weed.

Harry walked into the kitchen to grab them some soda. His house already wreaked of chronic.

"Geez," Harry said "that stuff really smells."

"I sell only the best!" Kyle said, laughing.

Harry brought their drinks over to the coffee table and set them down. He took a seat on the couch and turned the TV on. He didn't have cable yet, so all he could find was the news.

"Alrighty," Kyle said, holding up a fat blunt. "You ready for this?" He pulled a lighter from his pocket and roasted the tip. He took a couple hits and passed it to Harry. Harry enjoyed the strange smell as the smoke began to fill his flat. He took a few hits and passed it back. They were about a quarter into the blunt when, suddenly, it hit Harry. He felt like he had been sitting there, looking at the TV, for a million years. It seemed as though he were suffering from paralysis. He finally tore his eyes away from the screen and looked over at Kyle. Kyle was looking back at him with a smirk on his face.

"Do you smoke a lot?" Kyle asked.

"What?" Harry mumbled.

"Do. You. Smoke. A. Lot?" Kyle repeated, emphasizing each word.

"No," Harry said. "This is actually my first time..."

"Well, that explains the look on your face," Kyle laughed.

Harry's limbs felt like they were flailing uncontrollably. He looked down at his arms. They were still resting on the couch. Kyle held the blunt out for Harry to take.

"I'm good on that," Harry said.

"Shit, you're really gonna make me smoke this thing by myself?" Kyle whined.

"I've got to use the loo," Harry said.

"The loo!" Kyle said, laughing hysterically. "I fucking love English people!"

Harry stood up and walked towards the bathroom. He felt like a robot, each leg jerking forward strangely. He finally reached the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He didn't really have to use the toilet. He just needed to get his bearings in privacy. He looked in the mirror and started cracking up. His eyes were beat red. They were completely bloodshot and half closed. Holy shit, he was high. Harry sort of forgot why he was even in the bathroom. His mouth was extremely dry. He decided to go back to the living room and grab his drink.

"Shit, dude, I'm really sorry. I get so fucking clumsy when I'm stoned," Kyle said picking his spilled drink up off the floor. There was a decent sized stain on the carpet.

"It's no problem," Harry said, retrieving his wand from under his shirt and waving it at the stain, which immediately disappeared.

"T'oh shit!" Kyle exclaimed. "Is that a fucking magic wand?" It took Harry a few seconds to completely process what he had done. His heart began beating even faster yet. If possible, his mouth became dryer. Should he just wipe Kyle's mind? How on earth would he fix this?

"I got one, too," Kyle said happily taking out an 8inch, black wand from his jeans and holding it out for Harry to see. Harry just stared at it, trying to work through his mind's fog and realize what was going on.

"Wait," Harry said slowly, "so, you're a wizard?"

"Yeah," Kyle replied. "How weird is that? You didn't know I was a wizard. I didn't know you were a wizard." He started laughing again.

"So, Natalie's a witch?" Harry asked, stunned.

"No, no," Kyle answered, "I'm muggleborn, as they call it."

Harry couldn't believe his ears. No shit. Kyle was a wizard. He was too high for this sort of revelation. He was staring a Kyle with wide, bloodshot eyes and an open mouth. Kyle busted out laughing again.

"Yo, man, the fucking look on your face right now!" Harry began laughing too and the two men were cracking up until their stomachs hurt and they ran out of breath.

"Well, imagine that," Harry said, sitting back on the couch next to Kyle. "You're a wizard. How come I've never seen you in Diagon Alley?"

"I don't know. I sort of avoid the wizarding community."

"Really? Why?"

"They're just so strange...and boring. I mean, really, what's with the bizarro outfits from the dark ages?"

Harry blushed, thinking of his trunk full of wizard robes.

"Plus," Kyle continued, "their music sucks." Harry was quiet as he pondered the idea of not living amongst any wizards. He thought it would probably be pretty nice to just blend back in with the muggles. He wouldn't have anyone running up to him so that they could meet the great, legendary 'Harry Potter.' He wouldn't have to think about Ginny... Kyle interrupted Harry's thoughts with a question. Harry hadn't even noticed he was on the other side of the room, going through some of his things.

"What's this?" Kyle asked, waving around an old card from Ginny that was sitting in a pile amongst other tokens of their relationship.

"That's a card, Kyle," Harry replied shortly. Why was Kyle touching his things?

"From your girlfriend?" Kyle asked again.

"Yep"

"Cool," Kyle said, putting the card down and continuing to pace the flat. "So what's the deal with her? Is she a witch?"

"Yes." Harry didn't want to talk about her, but Kyle kept prying.

"Does she live in London, too?"

"No, Kyle, she doesn't."

"Oh...Why doesn't she live with you? This is a huge ass apartment to live in alone." Harry didn't know what to say. He decided to tell some half truths. He simply wanted to avoid the fact that she cheated right in front of him.

"We're actually sort of fighting right now," Harry said. Kyle looked at him for an explanation. Harry continued with a lie. "She's angry because I beat up her ex." In reality, Harry had only been to the Weasley's once since he left for good. When he arrived everyone was talking about how Dean was at St. Mungo's. Apparently Dean "didn't remember" what had happened to him. All they knew was that he had been attacked. Ginny looked very worried. She barely spoke to Harry the whole time. Even Ron and Hermione seemed to be snubbing him. Mrs. Weasley was the only person who seemed less concerned about what happened to Dean and more concerned about where Harry was living now. As Harry explained to Mrs. Weasley his new place, he caught Ginny glancing at them furtively. Kyle's laughter brought Harry out of his thoughts.

"Damn, dude, you beat up her ex?"

"Yeah," Harry replied quietly, "he deserved it."

Kyle finally got the vibe that Harry didn't want to talk about Ginny, so he changed the subject. "So, what do you do for a living to buy a place like this?"

Before Harry could answer, Kyle's cellphone rang. He checked who it was and silenced it.

"Alright, Harry, I gotta run," Kyle said. "The girlfriend is calling. Lemme grab your number before I leave. I'll hit you up sometime and we can burn."

"I don't have a phone," Harry informed him.

"Jesus, dude," Kyle said, "you gotta get with it. Anyway, I gotta go. See ya!" He just stood there. "Okay so I just tried to apparate to my car...What's the problem?" Harry explained to him that he had numerous protective charms on his flat. He walked Kyle to the door and opened it. Kyle left and apparated once he was in the hallway. Harry was still completely blazed. He sat back on the couch. All that talk about Ginny was causing him to think about her again. He decided to head over to the Weasley's.

Thank you for reading! Please comment and let me know your thoughts! Mwah!


	4. I Don't Hate You

His head was still buzzing as he went into his bedroom and got changed. At this point Harry was completely lost on how to get Ginny to talk to him. He thought he would change his clothes into something nice before he saw her. Looking in the mirror, Harry could not understand why anyone would like Dean more than him, especially Ginny. Harry had been Ginny's friend for way longer than Dean. He was light years closer to her family. Together, they had been through so much. He needed to overcome his fear and really try to talk to her. He was just afraid that if she had the opportunity, she would break up with him. It had come to the point where Harry at least needed some sort of change. He couldn't deal with his girlfriend not talking to him, but he definitely couldn't deal with her cheating on him. He needed this to resolve itself somehow. He had to stop thinking about her.

Once Harry felt he was looking sharp, he decided to take the elevator to the bottom level and walk outside, where he smoked a cigarette. He figured his cologne might cover up most of the smell of tobacco and weed. He knew none of the Weasley's would want him smoking anything. He finished it, stubbed it out, then apparrated to the Burrow. There he was standing outside the house, and suddenly he was extremely nervous. He couldn't exactly figure out why. He knew Dean wouldn't tell anyone who beat him up, he'd look like a total bitch. Harry was aware that the Weasley's didn't exactly understand his reasons behind moving out so abruptly, but they seemed to understand the whole Ginny issue. Harry knew he was mostly nervous about having to try to talk to Ginny. So far, they were still together. All he had to do was make himself present, and she might just dump him right there. He knew he had to do something though.

He thought he heard people talking loudly in the kitchen. He walked up to the door and knocked on it. It was immediately answered by Ron. As Harry entered the kitchen, there was a small explosion of welcome.

"Hey!"

"It's Harry!"

"How are you?" Mrs. Weasley asked, taking one of Harry's hands in her own.

"Good, good," Harry answered, feeling uncomfortable being in front of everyone. Mrs. Weasley, Mr. Weasley, Ron, Hermione, George, and Ginny were all in the kitchen.

"We tried to write you," Hermione said, "but we couldn't figure out exactly where you lived. We sent owls, but they couldn't find where you were!"

"Don't worry," Harry replied, "I'll have to bring you guys by sometime soon."

"So," George interjected, "what's been good with you, Harry-boy? Long time, no see."

The Weasleys continued questioning Harry about why he hadn't been attending his Auror Training classes and where he was living, and why he moved out. About an hour passed, when Mrs. and Mr. Weasley decided to go up to bed, after having made an impromptu meal for Harry. He was having an increasingly more difficult time faking a smile and trying to make light conversation as he was trying to come up with ways to get Ginny alone. So far, she was acting normal. Talking to Harry with the rest of them. He didn't know whether she was just playing it cool in front of her family or if she was over whatever was making her angry. Maybe Dean was out of the picture?

Finally George and Ron went to sleep and Hermione, Ginny, and Harry were left in the kitchen. Hermione seemed like she was in a good mood, as well. Did she know something he didn't? Finally, Hermione stated that she was so tired and walked off to bed, giving Harry a knowing smile as she left.

Harry and Ginny were left in the kitchen. Things got very quiet as Harry tried to figure out what to talk about with her.

Ginny finally asked, "Why did you really decide to move out?"

Harry looked at her, not really knowing how to answer. He began to explain slowly, trying to think about what he would say before he said it.

"I just...," Harry said with his eyes downcast, "it just seems like you hate me lately. You won't talk to me. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I did. I really will do anything to make you stay with me, but I just need some help."

Ginny was just looking at Harry, not speaking. Harry got even more uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry," he continued, "I'm completely clueless. I really wish I knew why I upset you, but I don't. I thought maybe if you had some distance from me, you would feel a little better about us, y'know, not so suffocated. I just-" he looked at her in the eyes, "I just don't want to drive you away from me, and to, er...y'know, somebody else."

Harry wondered if she ever planned on telling him about her polyamorous secret. It didn't seem so.

"I don't hate you, Harry," she finally said.

"Well that's a relief," Harry laughed nervously. He didn't dare bring up the whole Dean affair. He wanted to try and pretend that it never happened.

"I guess maybe I was feeling a bit, I don't know..." Ginny continued, "locked in..."

Now it was Harry's turn to just look at Ginny, confused.

"And I guess you felt the same way, since you decided to leave," she said quietly.

Harry was having a difficult time trying to figure out how to continue. Did she feel locked in, or was she upset that he had left? She seemed to be sending him mixed messages within the same conversation.

"What can I do to make things better, sweetheart?" Harry asked, trying to get to the point.

"I don't know, Harry. I just don't know what's wrong with us.."

Uh oh, that didn't sound good. He didn't know what was wrong with them, either. Except for the fact that she was secretly hooking up with her ex boyfriend. He had no answer to her grim statement, so he just stood up and began to rub her shoulders in what he thought was a soothing matter. He didn't want her to see him tearing up.

"Don't worry, Ginny," he said as he was trying to keep his voice from shaking. "We'll figure this all out. You know I love you, and I'll wait for as long as it takes to make things better again."

He continued rubbing her shoulders and kissed the top of her head as she became quiet. He didn't know if she was going to dump him right now, or if there was something he could say to convince her that any problems they had could go away, as long as they tried.

"Please, don't push me away, Ginny," Harry begged softly. "I promise you, I can make you happy. I sometimes just need a little help knowing how. Tell me what you need me to do, and I'll do it. Anything." She didn't answer, but she wasn't arguing. That was good. Real good. Harry was still anxious as he clasped Ginny's hand and pulled her into a tight hug. She didn't push him away and when they pulled back and looked into each other's eyes, she kissed him.

Harry was feeling great! This was great! She kissed him! He hadn't been able to get her to commit to even a full conversation a week ago. So, it seemed she definitely wasn't going to break up him tonight. Things were finally looking up. The kiss was long and perfect. Harry knew they were supposed to be together, as he had ever since he had imagined Ginny's beautiful face, just before he had allowed Voldemort to perform the Avada Kedavra upon him. As they broke away, they both had smiles beaming on their faces. They looked at each other, and Ginny hugged him again, burying her face between Harry's shoulder and neck. They stayed like that for a few seconds until Ginny said,

"You smell like cigarettes."

"What?" Harry said, taken aback.

"Were you smoking or something?" Ginny asked suspiciously, stepping back and looking at him.

"No," Harry said, "I was just with a friend, and he was smoking weed." Come to think of it, he was still feeling pretty stoned.

"Weed?"

"Yeah, y'know, the muggle drug. It sort of looks like dried grass. Marijuana."

"You were doing muggle drugs before you came here?" Ginny exclaimed. Harry's heart started to beat very quickly. Why? Why did his big mouth have to ruin his perfect moment?

"No, no," Harry lied quickly. He didn't want matters with her to become any worse, so he decided to admit nothing, deny everything, and demand proof. "I was, er, w-with somebody who was smoking it. I just smell like it, but I didn't take any."

"So marijuana smells like cigarettes?" she asked accusingly. It was like she knew he was high and was just fucking with him. Switching topics rapidly and making him confused.

"Yes," Harry said, "well, I mean, no. He just wrapped the weed in a piece of tobacco leaf…"

She wasn't looking at him anymore and she wasn't smiling either.

"I'm sorry," Harry said desperately, "I won't let him smoke around me anymore. I didn't think it was a big deal…"

She looked at him with her eyebrows raised and sighed heavily.

"I'm going to bed," she said abruptly and starting walking out of the kitchen.

"Ginny," Harry called after her, but she was gone, already halfway up the stairs.

Harry was left, alone in the kitchen. He stood there for a few moments. His stoned mind was slowing down his emotional reaction to the situation. He was just thinking about how she ended up being so angry with him in such a small period of time. The house was quiet. He looked at the clock. It was almost midnight. Harry walked out of the front door and onto the porch. He reached deep into his pocket and grabbed his box of cigarettes, lighting one up with his wand. What the fuck, right? He was feeling rather numb concerning Ginny. Having gone from feeling absolutely elated to, once again, being alone and unloved, Harry felt very empty. He sat down on the steps and took deep drags. The cigarette was relaxing him, and he lightly traced the lacerations on his leg as he sat and thought. He wondered how nice it must be to have a car like Kyle did. He didn't understand the need for one at first, but the idea of driving one started to seem kind of nice. Harry stood up and apparated home.

He was still smoking the cigarette as he entered his flat. He walked over to the sink and stubbed it out. He kind of wanted to smoke some more pot, but didn't think he could handle any more that day. He opened the fridge and peered inside. Nice! He pulled out a beer he didn't know he had and popped it open. Walking over to the couch, Harry turned the TV on and flopped down. He watched the tube and drank beers until he finally fell asleep.

The next morning, Harry found himself lying awkwardly on his couch. He stayed there for a while and thought about things. He had no idea what to do about Ginny. He was just on the verge of getting through to her. Why the hell didn't he just crack a window when they were smoking the blunt, rather than just hotboxing the motherfucker? Why did he smoke a cig before he left? All this trepidation could have been avoided if he had just not been an idiot. Harry finally got off the couch. He was hungry as hell, but there wasn't any real food in his house. He was all out of muggle cash, so he would have to visit Gringotts. Harry was not at all excited about this. The goblins hated his living soul, he could feel their loathing whenever he entered the building. It was understandable, considering he had mutilated their pride during his over the top heist only a year prior. However, the Ministry insisted on depositing his money into a Gringotts vault as well as insisted that the goblins treat him civilly. Harry decided that he would withdraw a lot of money this time. Maybe almost half of it, and convert it into muggle pounds. That way he wouldn't have to look at any goblins, nor feel their hatred, for a least a while. He would grab breakfast in Diagon Alley and then head to the bank.

Thanks for reading! please comment and tell me any thoughts you have on Scarecrow. The plot? characters? anything? I'm very interested in knowing what you are thinking about this fic. already started chapter 5! mwah


	5. Diagon Alley

Harry walked through the barrier separating the Leaky Cauldron from Diagon Alley and lit a cigarette. He was looking for some coffee and maybe a small breakfast before he headed over to Gringotts. It was places like this that Harry became very uncomfortable. He didn't like being around large groups of wizards for fear of either being put on the spot by admirers or revenge from ex death eaters. He headed over to a small coffee shop a small way down the main street. As he was about to open the door to the cafe, he heard someone yell his name.

"Harry!"

Harry turned around, looking for the source of the voice. Luna Lovegood was jogging up to him with a smile on her face.

"Hello, Luna!" Harry replied happily. He was relieved to see that it was someone he knew. He hadn't seen her in about a month and was delighted to find some company. She hugged him and asked him how he was.

"I'm okay," Harry answered her. "I just got my own place, right here in London."

"Oh, did you and Ginny break up?" Luna asked, her eyes wide.

Harry's face turned red.

"No," Harry said quietly, "I just figured it was time I got my own place."

Luna looked at him strangely, but changed the subject briskly. "So, do you want to get some coffee?"

Harry agreed and the two friends went into the cafe. They sat down and ordered. As they ate, they caught up.

"Why did you come to Diagon Alley, today?" Luna asked.

"I need to hit up Gringotts," Harry replied. He explained to her how uncomfortable an experience it was for him.

"I'll go with you!" Luna said. "I won't let those nasty goblins bother you."

"Brilliant!" Harry exclaimed. Great, at least he didn't have to go in there alone. He payed for their check and together they left the coffee shop. Luna was talking animatedly about her father's magazine and how she was going to start contributing to it. They walked through the streets together and Harry appreciated being around someone so happy and outgoing. He was feeling so lonely lately that having an old friend around was doing much to lift his spirits. They went to the bank and withdrew his money, where he converted it into muggle pounds. Luna was listening, fascinated, as Harry explained how much he enjoyed spending time in the muggle world.

"I can see how you would enjoy being around muggles," Luna said. "You must find it bothersome to have people always trying to meet you or staring at you."

"Yeah, it's a nice change," Harry replied. He didn't mention how distancing himself from wizards helped get his mind off Ginny and their hopeless relationship.

"What are you doing later today?" Luna asked. "I was thinking about heading over to the waterfront and looking for green mali pixies. The sticky species live down by the Eye, my father said he caught one himself there, just last week. Would you want to come and help me catch one?" She caught the look on his face. "We can let it go after I get a picture."

Harry didn't know what she was talking about and didn't entirely feel like looking for sticky pixies, but he didn't want to spend the rest of his day alone, either. He agreed to go with her. They apparated down to the waterfront. It was a beautiful day and Harry suddenly thought he had made a good decision. He let Luna do her thing as he sat in the grass, allowing the sun to shine on his face. It was days like this that reminded him of Ginny. Her beautiful red hair would look stunning in the sunlight. Harry wished she was with him now. He still couldn't figure out how he had messed things up with her so badly after finally getting her to kiss him again. Ginny seemed to be constantly annoyed with him. He thought that moving out of the Weasley's would allow for her to grow fonder of him, without his constant presence. Harry didn't know what he would do if she decided to leave him. Being her boyfriend had allowed him to feel like a real part of the Weasley's family. He didn't spend as much time with Ron, now that he and Hermione were always off together. What would he do without the Weasley's? They were the only family he had ever felt a part of. But now Ginny didn't want him anymore. What had he done to make her run back to Dean?

"Harry!" Luna yelled right in his face.

"Whoa!" Harry yelled in response. He had zoned way out, and Luna was looking at him, worried.

"Are you okay?" she asked?

"Yeah, Luna, I'm fine," Harry replied, confused.

"You looked like someone had stunned you," she said, "I was scared because I shouted to you a few times and you didn't answer."

Harry saw that Luna was holding her camera at her side.

"I caught one!" Luna said enthusiastically. "I wanted you to snap a picture of it before it got away. For being sticky green mali pixies, they're pretty slippery…"

"Oh, sorry," Harry said. Luna was looking at him sadly.

"What's wrong, Harry? You look upset." She sat down next to him on the grass. "Was it something I did?"

"Of course not, Luna. Nothing's wrong, I was just thinking about something," Harry said quickly. He didn't want his drama involving Ginny to seep into Luna's cheery afternoon. Luna, however, did not look convinced.

"I'm heading over to Ginny's later to hang out with her and Hermione later. Do you want to come? I'm sure they would all love to see you," Luna said. She was looking at him with a face that expected him to say "yes."

He was sort of afraid to go there again. Ginny was probably still upset with him and he didn't want to make matters worse.

"Oh, c'mon," Luna said. " You used to be there all the time. Let's just go, we'll tell Hermione to get Ron to show up, too. It'll be like old times."

Harry smiled. He was gracious of Luna's intentions of cheering him up. She was a good friend.

"Okay,'' Harry said. He missed being around all his friends.

"Yes!" Luna exclaimed. "Well, I have to run home real quick and feed all the creatures and let them out to use the loo. Do you want to meet me at my place in about an hour?"

Harry didn't want to go to her house for fear of running into her father. "How about I meet you at the Weasley's?"

"That works," she replied. They hugged each other again and they departed to their respective homes. Harry took the elevator up to his floor. He entered his flat and put the muggle money in a safe place. They were very large bills, and Harry planned to deposit them into a muggle bank as soon as possible. Harry took a shower and got changed. He put on an outfit that he thought made him look good. He wasn't sure whether Ginny was still sneaking off with Dean, but he wanted to make sure he looked better than that asshole. Every time Harry even thought about Dean, his breathing rate would increase, his jaw would clench, and he started slamming things around. Harry was trying so hard to forget what he saw. Why did she do that to him? How could she, for that matter? As much as Harry would do anything to stay with his love, he didn't understand why Ginny didn't just dump him instead of going behind his back. He figured she must still love him, if she had decided to stay with him. He was her boyfriend, not Dean. That had to count for something. Maybe she just made a mistake. Maybe she wasn't seeing Dean anymore. He had seen them kiss, but didn't dare entertain the idea that they had gone further than that. Ginny and Harry were each other's firsts, and Harry thought he might just spontaneously combust if he ever found out that Dean and Ginny were getting it on, as well.

Harry couldn't help himself, he started to cry while thinking about how he was losing Ginny. He needed to get his act together, he was going to see all his friends in a little bit. Harry was just itching to cut his leg again. He walked into his bathroom and grabbed the same razor he had used before. While holding it in his hand, he considered what he was doing. What would Ginny think if she found out that he did this to himself? What would any of his friends think? He thought the place on his leg was a pretty legitimate spot, no one would ever see the lacerations there. When did he ever where shorts? His indecisive thoughts of to cut or not to cut were distracting him from his sorrow. He had stopped crying and was just standing in his bathroom, holding a razor. Harry put it back down on the sink. He was feeling better. Plus, he figured he would rather not deal with the mess right now, considering that he had already showered.

Walking back out into his living room, Harry welcomed the smell of marijuana. It was now ever-present in his flat, because he had just left the entire bag out on his coffee table. He sat down on his couch and lit a cigarette while watching TV. He had about a half an hour to kill before he needed to leave for the Weasley's. He decided to try to take the tobacco out of one of his cigarettes and try to stuff it with weed. He took his wand out and magically removed the tobacco. He broke up the buds and try to put them into the empty cigarette. After a few tries and two wasted cigarettes, he finally had a perfect joint, filter and all. He lit it up and toked. After just a few hits, he decided to stub it out. He was worried about acting a fool again, as he had when he smoked with Kyle. He looked at the clock, he still had 15 minutes. He got comfortable on the couch and watched a funniest home movies show that had him doubled over laughing. Harry was starting to really appreciate marijuana's ability to lift his spirits. For once, his thoughts weren't consumed with worries about Ginny or the Weasley's. He was feeling better and hadn't even needed to hurt himself. He was just enjoying his time, laughing about people falling off of things and getting into sledding accidents. He was disappointed when he realized he had to leave. He was really into the show now. He turned everything off and walked out the door, this time leaving his cigarettes at home. He popped a piece of gum in his mouth to get rid of his cotton mouth and smoke breath.

Once he was in the hall he disapparated to the Weasley's. As he appeared at the Burrow, he wondered whether Luna was there already or not. He didn't want to show up again unannounced. It was strange to think that after all their time together, Harry now felt uncomfortable walking into Ginny's house uninvited. He took a chance and walked up to the door and knocked. Mrs. Weasley opened it and smiled at him.

"Harry, dear, how are you?" she asked, while letting him into the house.

"I'm great, Mrs. Weasley, and yourself?"

"I'm doing good," she said as she walked over to the stove to stir something that smelled delicious. "Luna told us you would be coming over. I assume you'll be staying for dinner…"

Harry realized the munchies were starting to set in and he salivated at the thought of one of Mrs. Weasley's dinners. "Oh, definitely," Harry laughed, "That sounds great!" She turned around and looked at Harry with a smile of her own.

"I'm glad to see you're in a good mood, sweetheart. It seems like you've been pretty down lately. I hope everything's okay."

Harry didn't know exactly how to answer. He avoided the subject of Ginny with her family. He answered with a mumbled, "Yeah…y'know…I'm fine."

She looked at Harry and furrowed her brow.

"How are things with Ginny, dear?"

Harry's face became red. They weren't good, not good at all. What could he say to Mrs. Weasley, though?

"Er…I don't know, not too great, I guess. I think she's angry with me." Oh, yeah, and she's cheating with her ex, too.

"Why would she be angry with you?"

"I really have no clue."

Mrs. Weasley sat down at the table and motioned for Harry to join her. He sat down, suddenly nervous and paranoid.

"Listen, love, I want you to know that Ginny has been going through a very tough time lately." Mrs. Weasley said. "She's been trying to deal with the loss of Fred, as we all have, but she's so young. She's just needs some time, and some patience. It's been difficult for her to adjust to everything that's happened over the past couple years." Mrs. Weasley took Harry's hands in her own. "I know you love her, I just want you to understand how she's feeling so that your patience doesn't run out."

Harry was trying to absorb what she had said. It seemed as though Mrs. Weasley thought that Harry would leave Ginny.

Seeing the confused look on Harry's face, she continued, "It's a real shame that you moved out, Harry. I don't want you to stay here if you're not happy, but everyone misses you, especially Ginny." Harry doubted that. "You are a part of this family, sweetheart. Any problems that you and Ginny are having, can be talked out. Anything can be fixed."

Harry and Mrs. Weasley jumped when they heard someone enter the kitchen. Ron came bounding in, red in the face and sweating slightly. He saw Harry and smiled.

"Hi there, Harry! How've you been?"

"Alright," Harry answered, "and yourself?"

"Good. We're all out back, Hermione, Ginny, George, and Luna. Playing a game of quidditch. Join us, will you? We need you, George and Ginny are kicking our arses!"

Harry looked at Mrs. Weasley, she smiled at him with raised eyebrows. "Go ahead," she said. "I'll call you all in when dinner is ready."

Ron showed Harry to the pitch outside. They spent a couple hours outside playing until it became dark. Mr. Weasley returned from work and they all ate dinner together. As they all talked loudly around the dinner table, laughing and telling stories, Harry reflected on how dependent he was to the Weasley's. Without this family in his life, he would be completely alone. He was grateful for how lucky he was to have found this group of people. After dinner, Luna excused herself to go home. Hermione and Ron slipped off together and Harry stayed in the kitchen to help Mr. and Mrs. Weasley clean up the kitchen. He wasn't sure where Ginny went, but he wanted to try to get her alone tonight. He was going to try and talk to her again. She seemed alright at they played quidditch together and she had smiled at him a couple times during dinner. As Mrs. Weasley thanked Harry and told him she could get the rest of the dishes, Harry saw a flash of bright red from outside the kitchen window. Ginny was out on the porch returning the quidditch gear to their proper cases. Harry walked outside, nervous about talking to Ginny one on one, but hopeful that she was no longer upset with him.

"Hi, there," Harry said quietly as he walked onto the porch and sat down on the bench next to her.

"Hi," she said. She didn't look at him, but she didn't seem angry.

"So, how is everything, sweetheart?" Harry asked. He didn't even know exactly what he meant, but was anxious about trying to start some kind of conversation with her.

"Alright," she answered.

"I've been meaning to talk to you alone, Ginny," Harry said slowly, careful about how he brought their relationship up.

"I've been meaning to talk to you, too," she said as she finally looked up at him. Harry didn't respond. He was being cautious with his words and didn't want to make a wrong move again. She sighed heavily and turned her body to face him dead on. They looked at each other in the eyes. Harry knew he had never seen a girl as beautiful as Ginny. He didn't know what to say to her, so he decided to show her how he felt. He leaned in and kissed her. She immediately backed up. Harry was taken aback. Why did she break the kiss? He thought she was in a good mood with him today?

"Harry," she said and took one of his hands in her own, "I don't know how to say this to you…." Harry already knew what she was going to say. This is where she dumped him. The look on her face as she rejected his kiss was all he needed to see to know. "I just," she continued, "don't feel the same way anymore. You're one of the best friends I've ever had, and I wish things were different." Harry's heart was beating very quickly as it broke into pieces. "You're a great boyfriend, but I can't help how I feel. I just….I just can't be in this relationship any longer."

A warm breeze swept her hair behind her. Harry smelled her floral perfume and stayed silent as Ginny struggled for words. She looked nervous as well. Harry realized she was still holding his hand as she tightened her grip on his. He was looking down, trying very hard not to break into tears. He didn't dare speak a word, for fear of crying. She held his face with her other hand, and he finally looked up at her again. She looked like she was about to start crying as well. "I'm so sorry, Harry," she said quietly.

They sat there on the bench, silently, for the next couple minutes. Neither spoke. Ginny finally gave Harry's hand one last squeeze and walked inside the house.

Thanks so much for reading! Please comment! Chapter 6 up soon


	6. Spinning and Spinning and Spinning

It was 9 o'clock in the morning and Harry was finding it very difficult to sleep. He had been in bed for well over 20 hours and it seemed impossible to sleep any longer. The past five days since Ginny had left Harry had been a blur, and he was quickly losing track of time. He had developed a routine of sleeping for most of the day, watching TV for a couple hours, smoking a number of cigarettes, then returning to bed. He couldn't really find anything to do with himself. He didn't have anyone to talk to and felt even lonelier than ever. He had seemed successful at replacing food with cigarettes for the past few days, but as he awoke this particular morning, he knew that this couldn't continue any longer. His stomach was completely cramped from not having eaten in so long, and he was starting to feel weak and sick. He wasn't looking forward to it, but he was definitely going to have to leave his flat, at least for a little while and find something to eat. Plus, his supply of cigarettes was running dangerously low. Harry had tried smoking weed a couple days ago, but he found that it made him extremely paranoid and forced his thoughts to obsess over Ginny.

Harry had not seen Ginny since the night they broke up. Harry was not surprised about what happened and found that his initial reaction was one of detached melancholy. The end had finally come and as the days stretched on, he was realizing that he didn't have much else going on in his life. Without Ginny, he didn't really know where to start. He had completely quit the Auror Training Program. He had only joined because the Weasley's had wanted him to, and now with Ginny gone, there definitely didn't seem to be a point in attending it any longer. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley had finally found an owl that figured out where Harry was living and sent a note inviting Harry to join them for dinner. He had looked at it and thrown it away. The idea of even seeing any of the Weasley's seemed impossible and incredibly uncomfortable. Now they all knew what Ginny really thought of him. He was embarrassed and ashamed that he couldn't keep their daughter happy. He would rather rot alone in his apartment than face anyone he knew.

He rolled to the edge of his bed and grabbed his last box of cigarettes. He pulled one out and lit it with his wand, which was sitting next to his bed. After this one, he only had three left, so he had better smoke them wisely. As he pulled the first drag of the day, Harry reflected on how dependent he had become on them. Just a year ago, he never thought he would become addicted to them. Now, as he was sucking down his third box in 5 days, he couldn't imagine stopping. They were just so damn good.

His stomach growled loudly and Harry curled up, trying to stifle the pain. Okay, so he definitely had to go get something to eat. Maybe buy some groceries and a carton of cigarettes so he wouldn't have to leave his place again at least for a while. He finally got to his feet and walked into the living room. The sun was blasting through the blinds and he could tell it was a beautiful day out. He used to appreciate shit like this, but today he couldn't care less about nice weather. As he looked around his bare apartment, he really wished he had someone to talk to, or at least a radio. He sort of wanted a pet, but after what happened to Hedwig, he realized he didn't want the responsibility. Hedwig had died in her cage and he wouldn't let that happen to any pet of his again. Dogs reminded him of Sirius. He didn't like cats. Harry turned the television on just to hear some noise.

He decided to take a shower before he left. It was about damn time, anyway. Harry finished his cigarette and chucked it into the sink. He walked into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Looking in the mirror, Harry was shocked at his reflection. He looked fucking terrible. He had dark, scaring looking circles beneath his eyes, which were bloodshot. His skin looked sallow and he needed to shave. His hair was a wreck, but what else is new? He finished cleaning his teeth and decided to shave. Looking at himself too long in the mirror was guiding his thoughts in a bad direction. He was starting to understand why Ginny had left him. As he picked apart his shirtless reflection, he fixated on how skinny he was. Girls wanted tough looking men, not some frail little boy. The glasses had to go, too. He pulled his gaze away from the mirror and took a shower. Over the past few days, he had perfected a beautiful apathy concerning almost everything, and he wasn't going to ruin its precise balance by staring himself out in the mirror. As Harry showered, he thought about what on earth he was going to do with himself. He was at a complete loss on what was important to him anymore. Every time he thought about what he should do, he hit a brick wall. The Weasley's could no longer be the center of his orbit. He needed to find another safe haven. His thoughts drifted to Teddy Lupin, his godson. It had been well over a month since he had even seen the little boy, and Harry knew how quickly little Teddy was growing up. Harry decided to pay the Tonks a visit and see his godson.

Harry went out to the coffee shop in Diagon Alley and grabbed some coffee and a small breakfast. He quickly left the alley and wandered into the muggle world to grab a couple more boxes of cigarettes. He lit one up and wandered the streets, thinking. He figured he would probably have to just pop in on the Tonks. Seeing as he didn't have an owl, he decided to just head over there. He finished his smoke, threw it into the sewer and apparated to the Tonks' house.

"Harry!" Mrs. Tonks exclaimed as she swung her front door open and saw Harry standing on her front porch, looking uncomfortable.

"Hey there, Mrs. Tonks," Harry said. "Sorry to just show up like this. I was hoping you weren't busy."

"Never, Harry," she said smiling, "never too busy for you." She seemed genuinely happy to see Harry. " How are you?"

"I'm doing well," Harry lied as he walked into the small house as Mrs. Tonks moved to allow Harry to enter. "I've been dying to see you and Teddy and Mr. Tonks."

"Oh, and Teddy's just dying to see you, too," she said, "Unfortunately, Mr. Tonks is out right now. How much time do you have? He'll be home a little later if you'd like to stay."

"Okay," Harry said. He had zero intentions of staying for any longer than a couple hours, but he'd leave that for later. "So where is he?" Harry asked. He was very excited to see his godson.

Mrs. Tonks guided Harry to the nursery. They spent the next hour playing with Teddy. They talked about him having his first few steps. He was just beginning to toddle around. Harry and Mrs. Tonks discussed the possible side effects of Teddy being half werewolf. They were interrupted by a loud knock on the front door. Mrs. Tonks excused herself to go get the door as Harry held a sleeping Teddy. As Harry was left alone with the sleeping child, he considered Teddy's future. Harry looked at the orphan and thought about how, although Teddy didn't have his parents any longer, he was extremely lucky to have such loving grandparents. Harry would personally make sure that Teddy always felt loved. It wasn't fair that his parents had died fighting Voldemort, as Harry's had.

"A-ha!"

Harry's thoughts were interrupted by a loud voice entering the nursery. Ron Weasley came walking into the room with a big smile on his face. "There you are, Harry! Do you know we've been looking for you for-"

"Be quiet, Ron," Harry said quickly. Teddy had just began sleeping and he didn't want Ron to wake him up again. Ron was one of the last people he wanted to see.

"Sorry, sorry," Ron whispered. He was still smiling as he took a seat next to Harry. Mrs. Tonks was still in the kitchen, so Harry was left alone with Ron as Teddy slept soundly in his arms. "So where have you been, mate?" Ron asked quietly.

"I don't know," Harry said shortly, "around."

"It's so strange, the chance of me just happening to run into you here! Mum said she sent you a letter a couple days ago?"

"I never got it," Harry lied easily. The note in question was still in his trashcan.

"Oh," Ron nodded. The two men looked at Teddy. "He's getting big, isn't he?"

"Yeah, he really is," Harry said. He was relieved that Ron still hadn't brought up he and Ginny's break up. He hoped they would never address it. "Where did Mrs. Tonks go?" Harry was eager to get her back in he room to avoid any awkward conversation concerning Ron's little sister.

"Er, I believe she's still in the kitchen. She told me she'd come back here with us in a moment."

"Oh."

The two were silent. It was getting a little uncomfortable as invisible tension grew between the two friends. Ron shifted in his seat. Harry fixed the blanket on the sleeping toddler. Finally, Ron had to go and do it.

"So, I heard about you and Ginny. Hermione told me," Ron said quietly. Harry had no idea what to say. He wondered if Ron even knew how much he loved Ginny. "I'm sorry, mate…" Ron added nervously.

"Er, thanks," Harry answered uncomfortably. "Where's Hermione, anyway?'' he asked, changing the subject.

"Oh, she's back home," Ron said. The two were silent again. Harry avoided looking at his best friend as he held his sleeping godson. "You know, Harry, maybe you and I should go out tonight?"

Harry couldn't help it, he started laughing. "What? What do you mean, go out?"

Ron was smiling, too. "I don't know. I can't possibly spend anymore time with Hermione, and Mum's driving me mad, and er, you seem like you could use a few drinks…"

"Sure, Ron," Harry said. He thought the idea of going out to a pub with Ron sounded better than being alone in his bare flat.

"Alright!" Ron exclaimed. "We can go to the Three Broomsticks!" He saw the look on Harry's face. "Shit, we could go to the Hog's Head if it's like that…"

Harry thought the Hog's Head would provide a smaller crowd than the Three Broomsticks. Although the frequents of the Hog's Head were less desirable than that of most pub's, Harry felt he would have less of a chance of having to talk to too many people. "Hog's Head is fine. We can always jump from one to the other if its that bad…"

"Now, you're talking!" Ron cheered. About half and hour later, the two men bid Mrs. Tonks and Teddy goodbye and left. It was getting late. They stood outside of the Tonks' making plans for the night.

"How 'bout you meet me at my place 'round 11:00?" Ron asked Harry.

Harry was quick to divert Ron from making him go to the Weasley's. "You know, you still haven't seen my place, yet," Harry said. "Why don't you come by before we go out?" Harry told Ron the address and the two departed to their respective homes.

Later that night, Harry was done getting changed and sat down on his couch to roll a joint up. As he broke the buds up, he turned the TV on to provide some noise to his silent flat. He thought about how surprisingly glad he was to be hanging out with Ron tonight. He wasn't sure if it would feel weird being around Ron after he knew Ginny didn't want to date Harry anymore. Instead, Harry was relieved to know that he and Ron could still feel like the friends they were at Hogwarts. After Ron and Hermione started dating, Harry had begun to feel left out. Ginny was the only one that made him feel included anymore. He lit the end of the joint and smiled with giddy anticipation of drinking with his best friend. It was fast approaching 11:00 and Harry decided to once again, smoke only half of the spliff, to save his mind capacity as well as save himself a roach for later. Harry was in couch lock when he heard a knock on the door.

Harry swung the door open and greeted Ron with a smile.

"Hello!" Harry said jovially. "Welcome, welcome!"

"Oi! Quite a place you've got here, Harry," Ron said in wonder, looking around the large, albeit bare flat. Harry closed the door and walked over to his fridge.

"Thanks, Ron. So, did you want to kick some back here, before we leave?" Harry asked while opening his freezer. "I've got a good bit of options here."

Ron continued pacing into the apartment, looking into some of the rooms in the back. "So, you have a toilet out here and a toilet in your bedroom back there?"

"Indeed," Harry said, distracted by his mixing of drinks for himself and his guest. Ron finished giving himself a tour of the place and sat down on the couch. He looked at the bag of herb on the coffee table.

"Harry? What is this?" Ron asked, fascinated. He picked the bag up and gave it a huge whiff. He looked confused and stared at Harry for an answer.

"It's called weed," Harry answered. He was wishing he had put it somewhere out of sight.

Ron laughed. "Weed? Well, your whole place wreaks of it."

Harry laughed loudly and walked over to the couch with their drinks. He handed Ron his cup and lit a cigarette. "Yeah? I kind of like the smell of it, actually."

"It's not too bad," Ron said quietly, watching Harry smoke his cigarette. He then asked Harry, "Could I get one of those off you?"

Harry didn't want to start Ron on tobacco, but felt bad saying no. "Sure," he pulled one out of the box and handed it to Ron.

They finished their drinks and had a few beers before they finally decided to leave. Ron experienced the same confusion that Kyle had experienced as he tried to disapparate to Hogsmeade. The two discussed possibly putting the same protective spells on The Burrow. The finally reached the Hog's Head and found that it was not quite as empty as they had imagined it would be. They entered and sat right down at the bar. Harry enjoyed the atmosphere of the slightly busy social setting. He was feeling sort of dreamy on account of the THC and as he finished his fourth beer of the night, he started to feel much happier than he had in weeks. Ron and he made friends with a group of men visiting from Austria who were enrolled in a dragon domestication study. They were having difficulties communicating and they spent a while laughing and buying each other drinks. By half past midnight, Harry and Ron were feeling pretty slammed.

"Y'know wha, 'Arry?'' Ron slurred as he threw his arm around Harry, "we should head to the Three Broomsticks before it closes." Harry would have agreed with any plan at that point. He nodded enthusiastically.

"Let's do it!" Harry stumbled over his chair while getting up and Ron laughed loudly as Harry spilled his drink all over the bar. The two friends left, cackling hysterically as they went. Harry was feeling great! Thoughts of Ginny were no where to be found within his mind as he enjoyed the heavy numbness that the liquor supplied him with. He and Ron began walking down the street and Harry lit up a cigarette. Ron was talking about a cute girl he saw in the bar and Harry half listened as he tried to walk as straight as possible to the Three Broomsticks. They arrived and noticed that the place was pretty packed considering the time. As Harry and Ron were ordering shots, a group of kids approached them.

"Whoa! Are you Harry Potter?" a boy asked Harry with wide eyes.

"Yes," Harry answered. He was usually very bashful about people looking star-struck when meeting him, but on this night, Harry was feeling very social. "I am Harry Potter. This is my friend Ron." He offered his hand for the boy to shake. Ron nodded and smiled at the kids. Everyone introduced themselves and Harry and Ron became caught up talking to them. They began playing a drinking game that Harry had never heard of. Both he and Ron were way past their limits, but Harry was anxious about having this wonderful drunken bliss wear off too soon, so he continued drinking, albeit slower. A few more people joined the crowd around Harry and Ron. A certain girl in particular seemed to maintain a seat next to Harry where ever he went. She had introduced herself, but Harry had already forgotten her name.

"Mate, I think she likes you," Ron said to Harry in what was supposed to be a quiet whisper.

"Shhh!" Harry said to Ron, nervous about the girl hearing them, considering she was right next to Harry. Ron laughed and excused himself to the toilet.

"So, do you live in Hogsmeade?" the girl asked Harry.

"No, I live with Ron's family," Harry said forgetting about the big move he had recently made. He was approaching the point of double vision, but still felt great. Harry was surprised that he didn't feel sick yet.

"Oh," she said. "Do you mind if I buy you another drink?"

Harry had decided that he had had his last drink, but he felt bad rejecting her offer.

"Sure," he said with a smile, "and I'll get you one as well."

She giggled. "Oh, you don't have to do that, Harry! I'll be right back…" She walked to the other side of the bar to get the bartender's attention. Harry looked around the place. The crowd had thinned slightly. He wanted to smoke a cigarette and was becoming more keen on the idea of leaving soon. He looked back towards the loo for Ron, but didn't see him. The girl returned with his drink. He drank it quickly and made some more polite conversation with her. He was feeling totally fucked up and didn't really know what she was saying anymore, but she kept smiling and laughing. Harry presumed he wasn't making too much of an ass of himself.

"Im'a run to the loo, real quick," Harry said to the girl. He had to take a mean leak, and was suddenly starting to feel very sick. He got up slowly and began to walk towards the toilets in the back. He passed Ron, who was in a deep conversation with a couple of girls. Harry entered the restroom and began to relieve himself. He couldn't shake the nausea that was beginning to overtake him. Great, he had to go and get so wrecked that he was going to yak. Harry finished and zipped up. As he washed his hands, he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His vision wasn't great at the moment, but he definitely didn't look good. His face was becoming pale. Harry felt a sudden jolt of queasiness and ran to the stall. Bending slightly over the toilet, he welcomed the vomit, but it never came. Ugh! He would just grab Ron and head home, he could just try to vomit when he got home, so that he didn't feel so terrible the next day.

Harry exited the bathrooms and looked around for Ron. He had completely doubled vision and didn't recognize anyone in sight. The nausea was intensifying, and he made a bee line for the door, hoping some fresh air would help his situation. He passed the girl he was talking to. He didn't see what she was doing, but he didn't want to speak to her for fear of embarrassing himself. He walked out the door and leaned on the wall of the building. He tried to close his eyes for a moment, but it only made his dizziness worse. Harry saw the girl exit the bar. He quickly pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it up to give himself and excuse for coming out here alone.

"How are you feeling?" she asked as she approached him.

"Fine," Harry said. He didn't know how she knew he was feeling bad and was worried he looked that terrible. "I just needed a smoke."

"Okay," she said. She was very close to him. Harry desperately wished she would just go somewhere.

"Have you seen my friend Ron?" Harry asked. He could even hear how slurred his voice was.

"No, I haven't," she said.

Another pang of nausea struck Harry and he put his hand up to his mouth.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Harry didn't answer immediately. He felt he had no choice but to explain how sick he was feeling. "I'm not feeling well."

She was holding Harry by his arm and he could feel her pulling him slightly away from the wall. "Why don't you sit down over here," she said while dragging him towards a bench near the door.

"Thanks, but I just need to find my friend so we can go home," Harry said. His head was beginning to pound and he felt like he was going to fall over. His heart started to beat quickly. Something wasn't right. His limbs were starting to feel heavier than normal and he wanted to just apparate home, but feared messing it up in his condition. Where was Ron?

"Why don't you let me help you?" she said. Harry finally threw his cigarette onto the ground and covered his face with his hands. His dizziness was so intense, he felt like he wouldn't be able to stand for much longer. The girl kept tugging him further away from the entrance to the Three Broomsticks. "Don't worry," she said, "I've got you."

Harry didn't know why she kept dragging him further from the bar, but he didn't have any choice but to go along. He could barely walk and no longer spoke for fear of vomiting. After walking several feet away from the door, Harry finally collapsed to the ground. Everything was spinning and spinning and spinning….

The girl smiled and pat Harry down for his wand. She removed it from his pocket and grabbed his arm. They disapparated and were gone.


	7. A Glimpse of Bright Red Hair

Harry felt like he was being suspended by water. He didn't know which way was up. He felt like his eyes were open, yet nothing was distinguishable. He couldn't focus on anything and found himself dreamily staring straight ahead, seeing only swirls of color and motion. He had long forgotten about his nausea, his mind was all over the place as he rapidly fell in and out of consciousness. Was he dreaming? Without any recollection of what he was supposed to be doing, Harry didn't know whether to welcome the hazy dream world or to start panicking. Harry vaguely felt something pulling his body by one leg across a floor. As he realized he must be laying supine, he tried to sit up. To his shock and horror, he realized that he couldn't move. Wild terror ripped through Harry. He was being dragged around while recumbent and he couldn't move or see what was going on. He had stopped moving and seemed to be laying awkwardly on a hard surface. He couldn't hear any noise. He tried to roll over, but to no avail. He heard himself moan in consternation, and it seemed to echo strangely in his head. He opened his eyes as wide as he could, trying desperately to focus on anything that would shed some light on his dark situation, yet all he could see were fluid images of his past. A memory of being eight years old and hiding in his cupboard from Dudley and his friends quickly flashed across his mind. Harry tried to hang onto the present reality, but found himself being sucked into a place of partial memories and partial imagination. He saw Voldemort's face, clear as day, take up his entire mind. He closed his eyes tightly. His nausea was returning and he focused on breathing, one of the few things he still had control over.

Suddenly, someone's hands were wrapped tightly around his neck. Harry's breathing was completely cut off and he began to cough violently. Just as quickly as the hands had arrived, they were gone. Harry seemed able to slightly roll to his side as he continued coughing. His hands were able to rest on the unforgiving floor and he felt like he had some sort of leverage. He was trying to tell whether his eyes were open or not when someone kicked him directly beneath his ribs. Harry gasped as his shallow breaths were knocked from his lungs. He tried to breath in deeply, but he heard himself wheeze as his diaphragm recoiled from the blow. Suddenly, he could hear voices.

"Don't!" a male voice shrieked suddenly. "Let me try this first."

There was a lot of rustling. Something pulled him off the ground and held him as he remained completely limp. His legs were touching the ground, but not supporting any of his weight. He felt his consciousness slipping as his head dropped forward. The next thing Harry knew, there was a low male voice speaking directly in front of him.

"I don't think we should be too worried," the man said, "considering how well it worked. He must have taken all of it." Harry couldn't make sense of the words and wondered whether he was still dreaming. "Well done, Emily."

Harry saw a flash of a girl talking enthusiastically to him. The girl from the bar. Harry suddenly remembered becoming sick at the bar. He realized once again that he was being propped up vertically, without any energy being used by him.

"We have at least a few hours," a female's voice said, "unless you want to avenge the Dark Lord immediately."

Harry heard the words "Dark Lord" and knew that whatever was going on was bad. Real bad. He vomited suddenly and felt his body drop to the floor, his head smashing against the ground.

"Oi," someone yelled, "I think he might just die on us anyway!"

Harry was laying prone, once again, on the hard floor. He wasn't touched again for what seemed like a few minutes and he no longer heard anyone speaking. His saw pictures behind his eyelids of Ginny sitting next to the Great Lake at Hogwarts, smiling at him as the sun shinned brightly from directly above. He was, once again, losing touch with the present. Strange images of memories that could have been from another life were flowing gracefully through his dreaming brain.

Arms dragged him up from the floor and he was carried across the room. His arms were pulled above his head and attached to something above him. Those that carried him, swiftly dropped him and his weight was quickly suspended by his arms, which felt like they were almost ripped off. Harry cried out, and many voices responded.

"He must be awake, then."

Harry felt his arms being stretched painfully above his head, supporting the entirety of his body. He tried to gather his legs beneath him, but he wasn't quite able to contract his leg muscles.

"He isn't really standin', though."

Harry opened his eyes and tried to see who he was facing. He couldn't see any details, but could make out a small group of people, maybe about four or five figures. They were forming a small semi circle around him. This could be some sort of terrible nightmare. This could not possibly really be happening. Harry vomited again and his nausea calmed down momentarily. A voice sounded from directly beside him.

"This is where it is!"

Harry felt his sleeve being pushed down his forearm, exposing his arm up to his elbow. With the intense pain of his arms being pulled over his head, he was having a much easier time staying in the moment. He could feel two or three people surrounding him, looking at something on his arm. The room was very dimly lit, but Harry was having increasingly better vision. He could now see the back of the room he was in, albeit not very many details. He suddenly felt very cold.

"I'm getting nervous, here," a man's voice said, "let's just do this now, before the ministry notices something."

Those who were crowding around Harry, walked back toward the other people. He was left hanging limply by the ties binding his arms up. Harry looked down at himself. He was now shirtless. The kidnappers were crowding around something further back in the room. There was something glowing within a glass casing. What the fuck was happening? How did this happen? Without attention on him, he found it easier to piece together his situation. The girl must have gotten these people together. Were they Death Eaters? He had heard them speaking of a Dark Lord, and desperately hoped they weren't planning on some revenge scheme. He didn't know how much time had elapsed since he left the bar, but he hoped Ron was at least looking for him now.

Something heavy was being dragged across the floor. Harry squinted to try to focus on the object. Some sort of stone basin. Harry felt his energy very slowly returning to him. His legs were able to stretch straight out and he was able to take the weight of his body off of his arms and onto his legs.

"Where have you been?" a woman's voice said angrily. "We're almost ready."

Someone rushed up to Harry and stood directly in front of him. Harry was extremely scared with attention being put back on him. A woman, possibly in her 40's or 50's with black hair, was looking intently at his face.

"I just can't believe this is really him…" she said slowly. "Emily, how did you do this?"

"I was at the Hog's head when he just walked in and…" Harry's head was gripped by his hair and the woman used her other hand to push his hair away from his forehead.

"There it is!" the woman said with wonder. "That's it! This is incredible…"

She let go of his hair and walked back towards the stone fixture most of the people were doing something with. Harry felt his nausea return. He began breathing as deeply as he could, trying anything to stop the sickness in his stomach from erupting once again. His legs were growing weaker under his weight and he realized that whatever was happening to his body was coming in waves, going away briefly, then returning. Did they plan on killing him? He was still alive so far, which he was grateful for. Harry prayed to his parents that he would get out of this alive. Scanning the room, he saw that there were two exits. Both of them were located on the other side of the room, one to the left, the other to the right. He believed he came in through the left door, but couldn't be sure. The pain in his arms was becoming unbearable again, and Harry tried desperately to make his legs work.

A man walked up towards Harry. He was wearing a cloak with the hood up and Harry couldn't get a view of his face. Harry was shaking as he saw the man come close to him, looking at his forearm. He pulled something from his pocket as well as a small blade. He pushed the knife into Harry's elbow and dragged it across his skin, forming a deep, albeit small, laceration. Harry yelled out in pain and shock. The room was silent as Harry stood shaking, with blood running down his arm and onto his shoulder and chest. The cloaked man collected some of the blood in some sort of stone container. He walked back towards the glowing glass case, leaving Harry quivering and trying to catch his breath through his fear and nausea. He shut his eyes tightly. How could he survive this? What was he going to do?

The woman with black hair walked behind Harry and he heard her fiddling with something. The ties binding his arms abruptly unwound and Harry came crashing to the floor and landed hard on his ass, the back of his head slamming into the wall directly behind him. He was knocked out. For how long, Harry had no clue. When he came to, his wrists were now trapped behind his back and he was in a sitting position on the ground. He could feel blood running down his face as well as on his arm and chest. Whatever had been poisoning him earlier seemed as though it were passing through his system and he felt less symptomatic. He was no longer nauseous and he could move his extremities. He tried to ignore the pounding pain in his head and figure out what was going on around him. The room was quiet and Harry wondered where everyone was. He moved his hands to see how tightly they were bound. They were captive in something metal that felt like handcuffs. Harry had no idea where his wand was. Could he escape using wandless magic?

A bright light emitted from the glass case in the back of the room, and Harry realized that all of his kidnappers were kneeling on the ground, silent and still. They were in a circle around the lightened glass. It looked like they were performing some kind of voodoo. Harry was becoming even more scared as he realized he may be forced into some kind of sacrifice. Harry focused all of his energy on breaking out of the handcuffs without his wand, which he had never done before. Everyone seemed like they were concentrating on something intently. Harry wondered if they even knew he was awake. Hopefully not, so he would have the benefit of surprise on his side if he busted out.

One of the cloaked men began speaking in another language as the others repeated after him. What on earth did Harry get involved in? He needed to break out, fast. If he could't get wandless magic to work, he might just try to rip his hands out. Anything to avoid being trapped in this room any longer. Harry closed his eyes and focused on unlocking the binds.

"Alohomora," Harry whispered. To his shock, it worked. Harry was elated as he felt the cuffs loosen up and he pulled his hands away a little bit, careful to not make any obvious movements. His arms remained behind his back as he tried to formulate a plot to escape. They were located right in front of the door. How could he possibly sneak past them? Maybe they were so focused on what they were doing that the wouldn't notice. Harry doubted it, but didn't have any idea how else to leave. He feared trying to disapparate in his current condition and becoming splinched. His limbs still felt very heavy and numb, but he could move them. Did he dare make a run for the door?

Harry spotted a knife in the corner about 10 feet away from him. It had blood on it and Harry guessed it was the same one that had sliced his arm earlier. He didn't know what good it would do him, but he wished he could reach it from his spot on the floor. It would be better to have than nothing at all.

"It is time, now!" the cloaked man bellowed. "Get Harry Potter!"

Oh shit! The black haired woman began walking towards Harry, as everyone else stayed kneeling on their knees facing the glowing glass in the stone basin. Harry was terrified as she neared him, reaching an arm out towards him. As she was going to reach for the cuffs, Harry quickly rolled sideways, and grabbed the knife.

"Help!" she cried. Faster than she could reach for her wand, Harry had the knife up to her throat, digging deep into her skin. The other kidnappers jumped to their feet. They were shocked and confused. The cloaked man stood with his wand held out, but didn't strike.

"Wand," Harry said in a deep voice. His adrenaline seemed to be helping him keep his head together as well as his body. She reached into her cloak and gave him her wand. Harry had no idea what he was doing. He had this woman by her throat and had managed to gain a wand. Harry saw that there were four other kidnappers to face, however they all seemed extremely afraid of him. Three of them were huddling behind the cloaked man, who stood with his wand out, scared to make a move.

"Everyone drop your wand to the floor," Harry said. He heard his own voice shaking. The girl named Emily immediately obeyed. "Accio wand," Harry said.

He carefully transferred one of the wands to his hand and replaced the knife with it. He dropped the knife to the floor and tightened his grip on the woman as he held the wand to her head. He pocketed the knife. His hands were shaking violently. Now what? Maybe he could just use her as a hostage until he made it out of the building.

"Drop your wands!" Harry shouted. No one moved for a moment. Harry dragged the woman with him along the wall, closer to the door. The man still had his wand held out. "Make a move, and she's dead." Harry warned him. He had no idea how valuable she was to him or the others, but it was the only real leverage he had. Could he disarm all three people at once while still holding the woman? Worth a try. Everyone was still, the four people on the other side of the room with the man pointing his wand at Harry, and Harry with one wand pointed at the other kidnappers and another pointed at the woman.

"Petrificus Totalus!" the man shouted. Harry had dropped to the floor, bringing the woman with him as he went, before the whole spell was out of the attackers mouth. Harry fired back,

"Expelliarmus!" Two wands came flying over to Harry. Pocketing the wands, he realized that one person he had yet to get a real glimpse of was still holding his wand. Harry was still reeling from crashing to the ground to avoid the curse. His head was getting fuzzy again and his limbs were becoming heavier. Oh no, not again! Please don't let the paralysis return in the worst possible moment. The cloaked man grabbed the remaining wand from the other kidnapper.

"Stupefy!" the man casted at Harry. Instead of hitting Harry, it struck the woman he was holding. She became limp. "Stupefy!" the man casted again.

"Protego," Harry casted back. It worked, but just barely. He felt his arms becoming numb once again. He was having trouble trying to stand up. This could not be happening! A strong wave of nausea washed over him again. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He could barely think of another spell. Harry was leaning against the wall, the woman at his feet. The man lifted his wand to fire again. Before the words left his mouth, Harry shouted,

"Sectumsempra!" The man fell backward, clutching his face in his hands. He had blood running down his face. His wand dropped from his hands. Harry would have summoned it, but he was becoming increasingly ill. His mind was foggy, and he could only feel the nausea that was erupting his stomach. He slid down the wall, losing control over his legs. The girl named Emily grabbed the wand, which had dropped from the cloaked man's grasp. She walked towards Harry slowly. She was fearful of getting too close, as were the other two people who were trying to help the bleeding man. Harry saw her standing over him with her wand pointed directly at him. His arm couldn't lift his wand, as his head was swimming.

Someone came bursting into the room. Harry caught a glimpse of bright red hair. Another person entered the room, as well. His vision was becoming worse, but he heard the two intruders firing curses at the kidnappers who were surrounding the cloaked man who was laying in his own blood.

"Stupefy!" Emily shouted, her wand pointed at Harry.. Everything went black.

Thanks for reading! Please comment!


	8. Back to London

Harry sat straight up in bed. His heart was racing and he felt cold sweat sticking his shirt to his skin. Every time he tried to sleep tonight, he was haunted with nightmares. It had been two weeks since he had been drugged, kidnapped, and tortured, but his dreams were only getting worse. After spending a week a St. Mungo's, Harry had been, once again, living with the Weasley's. Even when the hospital had cleared him to leave, he still had a difficult time doing everything for himself. It had taken him a few days to completely detoxify himself of the mystery poison that he had been drugged with. The staff at St. Mungo's had never encountered it before. He spent several days vomiting and feeling so dizzy that he couldn't even walk. He did not realize until later that he had also damaged his ankle. He suspected it happened at some point when he fell to the floor. Harry was humiliated as he had been walked to and from the bathroom by healers. When he left the hospital, his shoulders were still injured. The healers told him that it would be better to allow them to heal by themselves. Harry had spent the past week at the Weasley's feeling absolutely mortified as they had to feed him and help him get bathed and dressed. He was just beginning to feel back to normal, save for constant headaches he was suffering from as a result of a concussion from having his head slammed against the ground.

Harry slowly laid himself back down onto the bed. He thought back to the night where it all happened. George and Mr. Weasley had been the ones to burst through the doors and stupefy the remaining kidnappers, but it was Ginny he thought of as his remaining consciousness had slipped from his grasp. When he awoke in the hospital, he learned that an inebriated Ron had wandered around Hogsmeade for awhile looking for him. He began to become scared when Harry was nowhere to be found and no one in the bar knew where he was. All he was told was that Harry had left the bar. Ron had returned home and told his parents what had happened. Mr. Weasley took George to the ministry where they were able to locate an approximate location of Harry, however, they still didn't know exactly where he was. What they did know is that Harry would not just leave Ron at a bar and go 20 miles away without telling him. They knew something bad was going down, and Mr. Weasley and one of his employees at the ministry discussed the known Voldemort supporter that lived in the area. When the two men burst through the door, they had no idea what to expect, but it definitely wasn't what they found.

"By the look of you, Harry," Mr. Weasley said to Harry when he and the Weasley's visited him at St. Mungo's, "I didn't think we had made it on time." He seemed choked up and just sat there shaking his head. The family had been constantly by his side since the attack and Harry could not be more gracious for their love. He was completely clueless when he had woken up, and believed that the attack was some kind of vague dream. Slowly, the memories returned. Mrs. Weasley had demanded he return home with them, even when Harry suggested he just go back to his own house and rest.

"You really believe I'm going to let you be by yourself, right now?" she had said angrily. "You'll be lucky if you're ever allowed by yourself again!"

Harry smiled his first smile in days as he looked up at her glaring face. "I'm sorry Mrs. Weasley, I just don't want to be a burden. You have helped me enough. I really thought I was done for only seconds before Mr. Weasley and George arrived."

She didn't smile back. "Harry, after everything you and our family have been through these past years, I'll do anything to keep you safe. I don't know why I even let you move out. I know you're all adults, but you'll always feel like my children." It was music to Harry's ears when Mrs. Weasley referred to him as her child.

Harry rolled over in bed, reminiscing on his time at St. Mungo's. Now that he was back at the Weasley's, things have gotten sort of uncomfortable. His heart was still hopelessly broken over Ginny leaving him and he was trying his best at pretending like he was fine now that they lived in the same house. She had been taking care of him as well, and Harry thought he deserved an Oscar for his amazing performance of smiling and making small talk with her as she helped him get better. When she would leave the room, Harry would close his eyes and desperately hold his tears in. He was without any plan of getting her back, and felt even worse now that he was dependent on her and her family for help. He couldn't stay in the house much longer. He couldn't keep up the charade forever. When Ginny would leave the house alone, Harry wondered where she was going, but wouldn't dare ask. He didn't want to hear the answer.

After an hour, Harry was finally able to return to sleep. His nightmares did not return for the rest of the night.

The next morning Harry was awakened by the sound of Mrs. Weasley's voice.

"Good morning, Harry!" she said brightly. Harry smiled at her and reached for a pair of glasses near his bed. They were not his. His old glasses were nowhere to be found after the attack. The hospital had found a pair that were close to his prescription, which he had been using since.

"Morning, Mrs. Weasley," he said and yawned. He put his glasses on and saw that she had his breakfast with her. She set it down on the nightstand and sat down on a chair near the bed. Harry didn't know what to expect from this. Usually she immediately helped him to the bathroom or told him he should eat, but she was sitting across from him with a strange look on her face.

"Harry," she started, "I've been meaning to talk to you, but I didn't know when was a good time…"

Harry became nervous. Talk about what? "What'd you want to talk about?" Harry asked.

"Well, sweetheart," she began slowly, "Arthur and I have been a little worried about you." She caught the look on his face. "Nothing bad, love, we just know that you have been through so much lately. I can't even imagine how you're feeling after what happened-"

Mr. Weasley walked into the room. "Oi, you talking to him now, are you?" He sat down on the edge of Harry's bed. Harry became even more uncomfortable. He sat up a little more.

"As I was saying," Mrs. Weasley continued, "I am just worried that it might become too much to handle on your own. You've been through so many traumatic experiences and I know how disappointed you were when you and Ginny started having problems…"

Harry could feel his face becoming bright red. Disappointed didn't even come close. Where was she going with this?

She looked at him carefully before continuing. "We just don't want you to become overwhelmed. Maybe you would consider seeing someone to talk about all of this."

Harry began to protest. "I think I'm okay," he said. "I have been doing pretty well, I think."

"You have, Harry, you really have," she said quickly. "But it's a lot to deal with alone, dear, that's all." Harry was looking down, avoiding their gaze. He didn't have a response at the moment. He just didn't want them to think he was going nuts. Mrs. Weasley looked at Mr. Weasley for help.

"We just want you to think about it, Harry," Mr. Weasley said. "We don't think you're mad, we just can't imagine having all of these things happen to you, especially at your age, and not feeling a bit mixed up."

Harry looked at them. He could see the concern in their faces. He wanted to make them happy, but how embarrassing would it be to have everyone know he was going to a psych doctor. "Well," Harry started. They were looking intently at him. "I just feel like your entire family has been through a lot, you know? If I could benefit from that sort of help, wouldn't everyone?"

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley looked at each other. "You're right Harry, you are," Mr. Weasley said smiling. "We've discussed it with Ginny, Ron, and George, but since the attack last week, we just feel like we would be doing you a disservice by not trying to get you help…"

"Can I maybe just think about it for a while?" Harry asked. He had zero intention in seeing any psych doctors, but he wanted the conversation to end.

"Sure, Harry," Mr. Weasley said. "That's fine, I just hope you really give it some thought."

"Alright, now eat, Harry!" Mrs. Weasley said smiling. She placed the tray on his lap and ruffled his hair before leaving.

Mr. Weasley got up to leave. He looked back at Harry, "They might want you to testify at the trial."

Harry nodded. He wasn't sure he really wanted to. He wanted to try to forget it ever happened at all.

"I know," Mr. Weasley laughed, "something else to think about." With that he left, leaving Harry to eat by himself. He no longer had an appetite.

Later in the day, Harry watched Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and George play quidditch as he lay on a grassy knoll. He still was in no shape to participate, though he thought he was doing a lot better considering the condition he was in just two weeks ago. When they finally came out of the sky, they sat down next to Harry. The sun was starting to set. They were talking as the temperature slowly fell. The conversation drifted toward the attack, as it had over the past couple weeks.

"They were like 'What is it, Lassie?'" Ron laughed, referring to his drunken explanation to his father the night of the attack.

"I couldn't even understand you at first," George said. "You two must have been smashed, huh?"

"All I could do was tell them you were missing, Harry. Then I threw up all over my bloody self and passed out"

Hermione interjected, "Maybe the ministry should tighten up on the security around you, Harry. If it wasn't for the tracker they had on you, they would have been completely clueless to your whereabouts."

"The last thing I want is the ministry stalking me," Harry said, sighing.

"How can you say that?" Hermione said, stricken. "After all, they were the ones that found you. If it wasn't for them…"

"I know, I know," Harry said, "I would have been dead."

"I don't know, Hermione," George said turning to her, " you should have seen it. When we showed up, Harry was passed out, yet almost all of the Death Eaters were knocked out, too!"

After a while they began walking back towards the house. Ginny picked up the quaffle and walked towards the shed to return it, as everyone else continued for the house.

"I'll be right back," Harry said to them, while walking swiftly in the direction of Ginny. He didn't know why, but suddenly it seemed like a good time to talk to Ginny. He had been so embarrassed the week prior as she was taking care of him. Now that he was feeling better, he really wanted to try to talk to Ginny. He wanted to try to establish some sort of real relationship with her. He loved the whole Weasley family and desperately needed to make something work between them so that being around the family wasn't awkward. Now that they weren't together any longer, he wasn't afraid of saying the wrong thing to her. The worst had already happened. Maybe he still had a chance to get her back?

"Hey, Gin," Harry said, tossing her a quaffle. "Forgot one."

"Thanks," she said, smiling. "Can't wait for you to be able to play again."

Harry smiled as well. "Me, too," he said following her to the shed to put away the equipment. They were walking side by side. "I really want to thank you for helping me so much lately…" Harry blurted out finally.

"No, problem," she said brightly. "Of course, Harry. When I found out what had happened, I was scared to death. These things seem to happen so quickly, you know? We can never know what to expect. You should really be careful about where you go, Harry. Really. I know everyone's been telling you that, but I really mean…" Harry was watching her speak, mesmerized. It was so sweet to know how much she cared about him. That had to mean something, right? "….we can move you up to Charlie's old room, if your ankle's feeling up to it?"

Harry focused back in on what she was talking about. "Oh, I was going to just return to my place, I guess." She looked at him, surprised.

"Are you certain? I mean after what happened, I would be worried. I mean, who can you trust now? Maybe you should stay here until we find a better way to contact each other in case of emergency. George was telling me about a charm that would alert us as well as the ministry anytime you thought you were in 'mortal peril' or something. That might be worth a try…."

Harry could feel his heart lifting as Ginny spoke so passionately about how worried she was about him. "Yeah," Harry said, "definitely worth a try." They were in the shed facing one another. He was close enough to smell her perfume. Her big eyes were looking at him, concerned. Harry wanted badly to kiss her right then. It seemed perfect.

"Well, I certainly hope you think it through first before moving back to London," she said, turning back towards the house. Harry was almost happy she turned away. It would have been a ludicrous idea to kiss her, now. He had to play it cool if he was going to win her back.

That night, Harry told the Weasley's about his plan to move to his place the next day. Each and everyone of them protested. They were all paranoid that he would be put in danger again. He calmly explained to them that he couldn't hide forever. He hadn't killed Voldemort just to spend his life in fear. No one was satisfied with his decision, but they knew they couldn't stop him.

"Well, you better visit everyday!" Mrs. Weasley said. "At least check in with us often. I just know I'm going to be worried about you all day until I hear from you."

"I will," Harry said. "I promise."

When he finally walked over the threshold to his home, he felt somewhat strange. He hadn't gotten used to the place, yet. It seemed new all over again. He laughed when the pungent smell of herb struck his olfactory sense. He had almost forgotten about weed. In fact, he hadn't even smoked a cigarette the entire time he spent at the Weasley's. Harry was surprised when he realized how happy he was to spend some time alone, for the first time in weeks. While at the hospital and at the Burrow, all eyes were on him. His whole schedule had seemed regimented. Now, he had absolute freedom, yet didn't really know what to do first. Harry walked over to his couch and plopped down. He laid back. He was getting another headache.

He noticed a roach sitting on his coffee table. He reached for it, happy to find the spliff. He didn't feel like rolling anything with his headache becoming increasingly painful. He lit it and laid back down. Looking around his flat, he was annoyed by how empty it was. It didn't even really look like anyone lived here. Harry felt the remote to his tv under his back, and he took it out and switched on the news. The roach was becoming too small to hold, so he magically suspended it in air as he took the last hits from it. The ashes had all fallen onto his shirt, but he didn't care. As the high began to set in, the news became increasingly interesting. He lay there watching for a while, until he noticed how badly he wanted tea. Living at the Weasley's had done its job. Harry noticed his headache had subsided and was grateful he smoked the reefer. He brushed the ash off his shirt and walked to the kitchen. He put the kettle on and leaned against the counter. He thought about how long it seemed since he had been here. He had felt so terrible when he first moved here. He didn't even want to continue living then, however, now that he saw how much Ginny still cared for him, he knew things were better. She still cared and that was good. Good for now. He spot a box of cigarettes on the counter. Yes! Nice, he thought. It had been so long. It was only weeks ago that they had been his life source. He immediately pulled one from its box and lit that baby up.

Harry went to bed that night and dreamt of the first time he had kissed Ginny.

The next day, Harry decided to do some life maintenance. In this case, it meant spending a lot of cash. He roamed London all day, buying everything from clothes, to groceries, to a few pieces of furniture for his flat. He finally returned home around six, very pleased with himself. He was wearing new shoes and was admiring his new espresso machine as he tried to figure out how it worked. He had also bought a huge, luxurious recliner that was going to be delivered the following day. It was starting to get late and he knew he should head over to the Weasley's soon, as he had promised. He shoved a box of cigarettes deep in his pocket. He didn't want Mrs. Weasley nor Ginny finding out about them. He walked out of his door and apparated to the Burrow.

Harry appeared in the front yard. He began walking towards the door. It was getting slightly darker and the window to the kitchen was illuminated from the inside. It seemed that most of the family was in there, he could see them talking to each other. That's when he saw him. Dean. Fucking Dean. The motherfucker was in there with the Weasley's. His Weasley's. Harry stopped in his tracks. He didn't know what to do. There was no way he could go in there. He didn't know what he would do. He would probably go ape shit on Dean again. Dean really had the nerve to go there, now?

Harry quickly turned right around and started walking away from the house. He didn't know where to go. He expected to go to the Weasley's, eat dinner, spend time with the only family he ever felt a part of, then return home happy and full. He couldn't go home, now. He was too fucking pissed off to be trapped in his flat. Harry disapparrated back to London. He appeared on a street and began walking. He couldn't help it. He started crying. Huge fat tears were streaming down his face. People who passed him looked at him strangely, but he didn't give a fuck. The image of nasty fucking Dean in the Weasley's home had deeply disturbed Harry in a way he couldn't begin to explain. Now what? Would he never be able to return there again? Ginny had moved on. She didn't care about him. She loved Dean, now. Filthy, piece of shit Dean.

Harry reached into his pocket and retrieved his box of cigarettes. Never in his life had he been more grateful for one. He lit it up and took big gulping drags. Something had to make him feel better. He felt sick to his stomach. The Weasley's were all he had. He had no family. He had no other real friends. No one else understood him like they did. Now Dean was the man with their daughter, and what was Harry? Nothing. He was Ron's friend who constantly got them into dangerous life-threatening situations. Harry wanted desperately to cut himself again. It seemed like ages ago that he had resorted to it, but the compulsion was stronger than it had ever been in his life. He felt like slamming his head into a wall. He wished he had died two weeks ago at the hands of those who had despised him. Would he feel alone forever? Harry took another deep drag from his cigarette. It wasn't doing shit for him. It was supposed to be calming him down. He threw it down onto the sidewalk.

"Fuck!" Harry screamed. He punched a wall of a building. He needed to feel some kind of physical pain. Knowing Ginny was replacing him with Dean was too much to handle. The Weasley's were going to get used to seeing that faggot kissing his Ginny. His meaning in life. Would Harry just avoid them forever? He was far too embarrassed to admit how emotional mutilated he was over him being dumped. He needed an escape. He would not feel like this forever. He just couldn't.

Harry made the decision. All he wanted was to be with his family. He wanted to see his mother's face again. He wanted to see his dad and Sirius and Lupin. Harry finally saw all the hope in ending his life. Never again would he be tortured. He wouldn't have to hide from fucking random Death Eaters that could attack at any time. He wouldn't have to feel his heart being ripped from his chest by the only girl he could ever love. He wouldn't have to feel alone.

Harry turned around and headed home. He wanted to be somewhere safe when it happened. He lit another cigarette and bounded in the direction of Chelsea. Okay, well he would definitely have to try to off himself in at least two different ways. He could not run the risk of fucking this up. Fuck if he survived. He couldn't imagine facing everyone after something like this. Harry thought of his parents. They would be disappointed. They had died to save him. Harry knew they would understand. Anyone would if they felt the way he did now. Also, he would have to make it look like an accident. Perfect! No one would have to know anything. They would think he was just fucking around with a new spell and bang! He was over with.

Harry was nearing his flat. He was still weeping. He wished he could kiss Ginny just one more time. That obviously would never happen again. He was just so pissed off about how this was all going to end. The compulsion to hurt himself flared again. Harry bit his lip and extinguished the cigarette on the inside of his arm. Shit! It hurt so fucking bad, yet Harry felt the tight knots of trepidation in his stomach relax slightly. As Harry walked up the stairs to his place he thought about how they were going to be his last. This wasn't the first time he thought about walking his last steps. He finally reached the landing. He was no longer crying. He felt numb. He knew what he had to do and it was going to get done and everything would be fine.

As he turned into the hallway of his apartment he heard a voice.

"Hey, man!" Kyle said. He was standing right outside Harry's door. He had a bookbag with him. Harry just looked at him.

"Hi."

"So, uh, my girl just kicked me out of her place," Kyle said. "I went everywhere I thought I could go…." He looked nervous. "I was wondering if maybe…..I could stay here? For just a few nights, I promise. Then I'll be out."

Harry didn't really know what to say. He was caught off guard. He didn't want to say no, but he had business to attend to.

"Please, dude," Kyle said smiling. "Don't be gay. I've been having a really shitty night. I've been knocking for like, a half hour before I decided to just wait for you. I really don't have anywhere else to go."

Shit, Harry thought. Whatever, goddamn. "Okay," Harry said. He opened the door and let Kyle in.

Kyle strolled into the apartment. "Thanks, Har, really, you're doing me a huge favor." Harry didn't answer him. Kyle threw his bag down on the floor and scanned the apartment. "I see you haven't gotten too far in furnishing this place, huh?" He looked at Harry who was standing awkwardly by the door still. Harry wasn't sure what to do. Just moments ago, he thought he was going to walk into the flat and immediately end himself. Now, he had a man he vaguely knew planning on living in his place. What the hell?

"So, what's good, dude?" Kyle said laughing, looking at Harry. "Why you no talk?" Harry just raised his eyebrows. He didn't want to talk and run the risk of bursting into tears. "Okay, okay, Harry. That's cool. You don't wanna talk, you ain't gotta talk. You're the only person who came through for me tonight. I literally thought I was going to be sleeping on the street somewhere."

Harry made a face and nodded. He lit another cigarette. Kyle sat down on the couch and noticed the bag of weed. "Ha! You still have all this? That's crazy! It's good shit, no reason to go easy." He looked at Harry for a response. Harry was still standing by the kitchen. He looked deep in thought. "You know what, Harry," Kyle said with a beaming smile, "Ima roll you a fresh blunt. I got a whole different sort of weed with me. Granddaddy Kush. You'll feel great. Seems like you haven't been having the best night, yourself."

Harry looked up at him. Kyle was reaching down to his bag for something. Harry knew he was beat until he could lose Kyle. He walked over to the couch and sat down on the other side. He could feel the searing burn mark on his arm from his last cigarette. He took a drag from the one he was currently smoking. Kyle was breaking buds up on the table. Harry wished he had waited longer to return home or had just jumped off a fucking bridge. Now, he was forced to play it cool until Kyle was on his way.

"Alright, Harry," Kyle said. He was holding a perfectly rolled L. Harry had to admit, Kyle seemed like a pretty great friend to have around. He torched the end and took a few hits. "This kind tastes so good. Sorta citrusy, huh?"

He passed it to Harry. Harry took a few hits and nodded. He passed it back to Kyle and flicked on the TV.

"You know what you need here, Har?" Kyle said looking around the flat. "You need a radio or cd player or something. Ima swing by my girl's place- or excuse me- my ex girlfriend's place, and grab my guitar. If she thinks she's gonna get away with keeping my shit she's outta her fucking mind." Harry was surprised by how little Kyle seemed to care about the demise of his relationship. Harry envied him. Kyle passed the blunt back. Harry took a huge hit. It did taste like citrus. Almost like grapefruit. Harry felt the high hit him like a ton of bricks. His mouth was dry. He stood up and walked to the fridge.

"Kyle, you want something to drink?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, what do you got?" Kyle asked, looking over. "I could go for a beer, if ya have it." Harry actually did have a few beers. He took one out for Kyle. He was torn on whether he should have tea or a beer, now that Kyle had mentioned it. He grabbed another beer for himself and returned to the couch. Kyle was flicking around the channels on the tv.

"Thanks," Kyle said as he grabbed the bottle and popped it open. "So what's good with you, man. I didn't want to say anything, but you really look like shit. Someone kick your dog?"

Harry didn't know how to answer. He was feeling a lot better. The tight choking anxiety in his chest and stomach had calmed due to the pot. Should he just say, 'Well I was just about to blow my brains out, before you showed up.' Mrs. Weasley was right. He probably should talk to a professional.

"Just having, er, girl problems…"

"Ah, I see. Aren't we all," Kyle said, laughing. "They're a fucking pain in the ass sometimes. By the way, you get new glasses? They look fresh as hell. Then again, anything would have been better than your other ones."

Harry and Kyle finished the blunt and their beers. Although there was another bedroom, there was no bed in it, so Kyle decided to sleep on the couch. Harry eventually retreated to his bedroom. He was exhausted. Harry smiled as he realized he was, indeed, still alive. He fell asleep and slept soundly.


	9. They're All Outta Their Fucking Minds

The next morning, Kyle slept in very late. Harry showered and dressed quietly and left. He had no idea how long Kyle would really be staying for, however, he didn't mind him being there. As he woke up this morning, Harry was in a strange mood. He was oddly upbeat. After going through the emotional roller coaster the night before, Harry was happy to realize that he wouldn't, indeed, feel miserable forever. He just had to give himself time to cool down. He just needed someone to talk to. This was important to Harry as he thought of how he would remember this forever. He couldn't allow himself to throw in the towel so quickly. Things always got better. That said, he was still at a loss of how to deal with the discovery that the Weasley's now knew that Ginny had moved on to Dean. Geez, how embarrassing. That prick stole his girl and everyone knew it.

The only way to feel better was to find people to spend his time with. Whenever he was alone for too long his mind went to dark places. Just having Kyle annoy him all night made him fell more back to earth and less like the sky was falling. Should he just face the Weasley's, pretend like nothing was wrong, and try to just get it all over with? He desperately wanted the Weasley's in his life and having this haunting him was going to fuck things up. Harry bought breakfast and returned to his home. He walked through the door and saw Kyle standing in the kitchen.

"Oh, hey man, what's up?" Kyle asked. He had no shirt on and stood only in his jeans. Harry noted his entire chest was covered in ink. He looked extremely tired, despite having slept over ten hours.

"I just ran out to grab something to eat," Harry said. " Someone's going to be delivering a recliner today."

"Sweet," Kyle answered. "So, I'm trying to get this thing to work for me." He was referring to Harry's espresso machine.

"I have no idea," Harry said smirking. "I don't think the plumbing's right with it." He walked over to the couch and sat down. The television was already on, showing a car advertisement. Kyle followed him over to the couch and sat down next to him.

"So you went out to eat and didn't bring me anything?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah, that's right," Harry said. He felt like toking, but he didn't know when the damn delivery men were going to arrive.

"Do you wanna burn or something?" Kyle asked while reaching down to his bookbag beside the couch.

"Ha! I was just thinking the same thing," Harry said laughing.

"Great minds think alike," Kyle said pulling out a fresh dutch.

"Use this stuff," Harry said referring to the bag of herb that had been sitting in his house for weeks. "I mean, does this shit go bad?"

"No, no," Kyle said smiling, "it doesn't go bad. It can get a tad stale." He began rolling up. The two discussed the pros and cons of rolling joints using magic. Once wrapped, the blunt was lit and the two smoked. Harry got up to open a window.

"What are you doing?" Kyle asked. "I'm fucking cold!"

"Put a shirt on," Harry said. "I can't have this place wreaking of weed when the delivery guys get here."

"Oh, right, right," Kyle said. He was watching Harry as Harry looked out of his window into the amazing view of London. "Do you wanna come with me back to my girl's place. I gotta pick up all my shit."

Harry didn't want to go. "Well, I was actually going to visit my friends today. The Weasleys."

"The whats?" Kyle asked laughing.

"The Weasleys."

"Sounds made up."

"Well, they want me to swing by. I promised them I would. Actually, I was supposed to go yesterday," Harry said turning his gaze from London back to Kyle.

"Well, why didn't you? Too busy getting stoned, I suspect." Harry didn't answer. Kyle became uncomfortable. "What's wrong, man? I didn't mean anything by it. I smoke all the time."

Harry looked at him. "Nah, I just…My ex girlfriend lives there and I'm not too excited about having to face her."

"Oh, I see. So your girlfriend's a Weasley?"

"Yeah," Harry said smiling. "She's a Weasley. I'm very close with her family. Her brother's my best friend."

"Geez, I'm sure that can get complicated."

"It really does. Now that we're not together, I feel strange hanging around her place. But I still want to be around her family." Harry sat back down on the couch. "Plus, I just found out that she's already dating someone else." Harry was surprised by his sudden need to gush.

"Aw, that sucks, dude. I'm sorry," Kyle said hitting the blunt again. He passed it to Harry. "As soon as you date someone else, I'm sure it won't be so weird seeing her anymore."

Harry knew Kyle was probably right, but he didn't want to date someone else. He took a few hits from the L and passed it back. "I just wish there was some way we could date again, you know?'' Harry said. He felt like a girl, whining about how he wanted his lover back, however, he couldn't help it. He hadn't had a chance to talk to anyone about this yet.

"Yeah," Kyle said, "I feel you man, I do, but girls are so fucking all over the place sometimes. Take my ex for instance, one day she's telling me she wants us to get married, the next day she just kicks me out of her place. And she knew full well that I had no where to go. You can't let yourself get too upset. They're all outta they're fucking minds. Just gotta go with it." He saw the look on Harry's face. "Once they know they gotcha, that's when they start pulling that shit. Act like you don't care and they're all over ya."

Harry considered that statement. Is that why Ginny became sick of him? Was he too clingy? Maybe if he acted like he was cool with everything that went down, she would see him differently?

"Hmm," Harry said, nodding. "Guess I should just face the music. How do you pretend that you don't care, though? Especially when her fucking gross ass boyfriend is there?"

Kyle burst out laughing. "I dunno, man. You're on your own with that one."

Harry was getting antsy. Now that he had some sort of strategy in getting Ginny's attention again, he wanted to try to get it over with. Head over to the Weasley's. Play the ham, chum up with the fam, then beat feet the fuck out of there.

"Maybe I should go over there now?" Harry said pacing around. He grabbed a cigarette off of the table and lit it.

"What about the chair?" Kyle asked.

"Chair?"

"Some people are gonna deliver a chair.."

"Oh, yeah!" Harry said. "I forgot…"

Kyle laughed again, "Stoned.."

"Could you just wait here for me? I'll be back soon, I swear."

"Yeah, I guess," Kyle said. "But can you bring me back some fucking food? I'm starving."

"Sure," Harry said. He walked to the door, "See you!" He walked into the hallway and disapparated downstairs. He quickly exited the complex, worried about getting caught smoking. He wondered whether Ginny would be home right now. Either way, he had to visit the Weasley's at some point. Having gone from suicidal to hopeful, Harry knew now was the time to face the impending issue. He had to play the game differently. Rather than letting his every emotional thought be presented to Ginny, he must shift into more of a hard to get type of strategy. In fact, Ginny said she had done the exact same thing when she was infatuated with Harry when they were younger. Harry apparated to the Weasley's. As he approached the front door, Harry was ready for anything. If fucking dumb ass Dean was sitting right inside, Harry was ready to pretend like he didn't exist. He could do this. He had no other good options anyway.

Harry knocked on the door, his stomach fluttering as the thought of Dean answering the door crossed his mind. Instead, it was Hermione who opened the door with a smile.

"Harry!" she exclaimed. "There you are! Where have you been?" She gave him a big hug. "How have you been feeling? Is your shoulder doing better?"

''I'm doing pretty good, Hermione. My shoulder's feeling almost back to normal, actually. How about yourself?"

"Oh, I'm fine," she answered as she guided them to the living room. "We were all just talking about you. You promised you would contact us everyday. We agreed that if we didn't hear from you today we would have to go find you."

They entered the living room where Harry greeted Ron, Ginny, and Luna. Luna got out of her seat and gave Harry a hug as well.

"Harry! They were just filling me in on what happened! I'm so sorry. You poor thing. It's not fair that you have to deal with that sort of danger-" Luna was cut off by Ron.

"Why didn't you come by yesterday? Mum was having a fit. If it wasn't for me, our whole family was going to start a search party. We're all bloody paranoid."

Harry didn't know what to say. He was distracted by Ginny who was sitting on the couch looking very beautiful as always. She smiled at him as his eyes met hers.

"Er," Harry started, "I got so busy yesterday. I'm trying to begin furnishing my flat, so I guess I got a bit caught up.."

"Well, that's good," Ron said. "His place was almost empty when I went by," he told Hermione, Ginny, and Luna.

"Well you're lucky Mum's not here, Harry," Ginny said. "She was not very pleased when you failed to keep your promise."

Harry wanted desperately to tell Ginny the real reason why he didn't visit. He wanted her to know how he felt, however, he listened to a voice in his head telling him to play it cool. He was sure that if he stayed for too long, he would slip up and start gushing to Ginny. He had visited. He had done his part. It was time to leave.

"Well, I guess I should just get going then-"

"But you just got here!" Luna exclaimed. "I haven't seen you in forever. You can't leave now."

Harry knew he had a good excuse. "Well, I got some furniture being delivered today. Soon actually. I just wanted to make sure everyone knew I was still alive or whatever."

"Harry! Don't joke about it. We were really worried," Hermione said with a frown.

"I'm sorry, 'mione, but I really should run-"

"Maybe I could come with you," Luna said getting up out of her seat. "I still haven't seen your new place."

Harry was surprised that she wanted to leave the Burrow to be with him, but he was happy for the company. Being around Luna was always fun.

"Sure," Harry said with a smile. "Alright then. Can you leave now or did you want to meet me?"

"Now works," she answered, returning the smile.

"Well, I'll see you guys. Tell your mum not to be angry with me," Harry said. They four said goodbye and Harry and Luna left. Harry noted the strange look on their faces as they saw Luna decide to leave with him. Harry didn't know what to make of it himself. They apparated to London.

"So you live in Chelsea?" Luna said, impressed.

"Yep," Harry answered as they headed in the direction of his place. They took the elevator to Harry's floor. Harry opened the door to his flat and noticed that there still wasn't a recliner inside.

"Wow," Luna said, "it really is empty."

"Yeah."

"It's beautiful, though," she said walking towards the floor to ceiling window that displayed picturesque London.

"Yo," Kyle said.

"AH!" Luna screamed. She hadn't noticed him on the couch and Harry had completely forgotten that he was there. "You frightened me," Luna said to Kyle.

"My bad," he said, smirking at Harry.

"Sorry, Luna. This is my, er, friend. Kyle. Kyle this is Luna."

"Nice to meet you," Luna said. She gave him her wide eyed look. "I like your tattoos."

"Oh," Kyle said smiling nervously, "thanks."

"So no one showed up yet, huh?" Harry asked Kyle.

"Nope. So where's my food?"

Harry was drawing a blank. "Oh! Right. I forgot," Harry said once he realized he had told Kyle he would get him breakfast.

"Geez, dude," Kyle said getting up off the couch. "Okay, well can I leave now since you're back?"

"Yeah, yeah," Harry said, "get out of here." Harry noticed Luna was staring fixedly out the window. He smiled as he observed her constant strange behavior.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tonight." He got closer to Harry. "Guess you got your girl back pretty quick. Nice job," he whispered, smiling.

Harry shook his head. "Different girl."

"Oh," Kyle voice returned to a normal volume. "Well, I'll be seeing ya. Wish me luck. I gotta go face my ex, now."

"Tell me if you need help getting your stuff," Harry offered.

"Okay, cool. Well, it was nice meeting ya, Luna. You two have a good one," he walked out of the door, giving Harry one last knowing look.

Harry looked back at Luna who was still staring out of the window. Harry had to admit, it was a beautiful view. He was glad that Luna decided to follow him back to London. He was at a time where he desperately needed friends who could give him a different perspective on things. Whenever he was around Hermione and Ron, Harry felt like everything had changed. They were no longer the crazy awesome trio, but instead a happy couple with a very lonely third wheel. It reminded Harry of his failed relationship and the fact that even though he had defeated Voldemort and lived through it all, life would never be easy for him. He would always struggle to create his dream life. Despite all this, Harry was warmed by Luna's presence. She had always been a loyal and honest friend. Although Kyle had literally saved his life by inviting himself into Harry's flat, Harry was happy to see someone from his Hogwarts days in his apartment.

"So, uh, are you hungry or anything Luna?" Harry said when he realized how long it had been silent. She turned away from the window and smiled at him.

"No thanks, Harry," she said, "I just ate at the Weasley's actually."

"Okay," Harry felt awkward as he tried to find a way to entertain them until the damn delivery people arrived.

"So, is this a television?" Luna asked examining the flat screen.

"Yes." Harry said smiling a little as he watched Luna trying to figure out how to turn it on. He sometimes forgot how interesting these things could be to those who never encountered them.

"That's pretty cool that you have one. May I turn it on?"

"Yeah just press the big button near the bottom," Harry said gesturing to the power button, "or you could use the remote." He handed it to her and sat down. He wanted to smoke another cigarette, but didn't know if Luna would be upset. She had finally gotten to turning the tv on and she sat down next to Harry, utterly transfixed by it. Harry showed her how to change the channels.

"Muggle's must be very intelligent to invent these sort of creations," Luna said. She placed the remote on the coffee table next to the bag of weed that had been left there. She looked at the herb curiously. Harry was thinking up a good story to explain what it was and what it was doing there. "Harry," she said smiling, "is this marijuana?"

Damn, he was beat. "Yeah," he said with a guilty grin.

"Daddy smokes this all the time," she said matter of faculty.

Harry busted out laughing. "No shit!" She looked at him strangely. "Have you ever tried it?" Harry asked seriously.

"A couple of times, however I found that it bothers my lungs too much." Harry thought that it was the greatest discovery of the week. The Lovegoods toked. It just made so much sense.

"Okay, well just do me a favor and please don't tell Ginny that you saw this in my flat." Harry pleaded. "I sort of told her I smoked it and she was very upset."

Luna gave him a look he couldn't quite read. "So how is everything with her, anyway?"

Harry's face turned bright red. Based on her question, Harry assumed she was aware of the current status of their relationship. "Er…well…" Harry's mind raced to find a good answer. "Well, we broke up just a few weeks ago, and…er…"

"I know, i heard. I'm very sorry, Harry. How have you been doing?" Luna asked with concern. Harry was surprised to hear the question. It was the first time anyone really asked him.

"Not too good," Harry said before thinking. His face became more flushed and he looked down. Fuck! He didn't want to start acting emotional in front of her, but he couldn't help himself when approaching this subject.

"It's a shame. You've always been such a sweet person. I wish you didn't have to deal with that."

Harry was embarrassed. "Thanks, Luna."

"Are you two still friends?"

"Sort of, I suppose. We haven't talked too much. The only time we really saw each other was when I was staying at her place after I left the hospital."

"I see. Well, I hope you don't let this distance you from the Weasleys. They seem very worried about you. Every time I visit them they always talk about you."

"What do you mean worried?" Harry knew that they were afraid that he could be attacked again, but he didn't know what there was to talk about.

"Oh, well, they just know that you were quite affected by the whole thing with Ginny. Since they don't see you much, they often wonder how you're doing. After everything that's happened over the past few years, they're sure you need a little emotional relaxation."

"I'm doing okay, I guess," Harry lied. What else could he say?

"I just hope you know that I'm always here for you to talk to, Harry. You've been a great friend to me for years now. You've been there when no one else would even talk to me. Sometimes, I felt so alone while at Hogwarts. But you made me feel accepted. I would really love to return the favor whenever possible."

Harry was dumbfounded. He was so shocked by how intimate the conversation had become. "Thanks, Luna. I really mean it. You've definitely returned the favor already."

She smiled at him. "Well, I hope to see you more often! I never see you at the Weasley's anymore. I know you're not with Ginny, but everyone else would like to have things be the way they were before you two started dating."

"But Dean's there, now," Harry said. He was surprised by his own words. Luna seemed to have a way of making him talk more than he planned on. She gave him a guilty look and nodded her head.

"I'm really sorry, Harry," she said. "I didn't know that you were aware that they were together." She looked nervous. "I don't like him much, either. He's annoying," she added.

Harry had so many questions he wanted to ask her about them. Was it serious? Did she think he still had a chance with Ginny? How long had the Weasleys known Dean was with her? Harry refrained from asking any of them.

"Yeah, he is annoying…" Harry muttered.

Luna put her hand on Harry's, which was resting on the couch. Butterflies erupted in his stomach. She had turned back to the television, laughing at something going on in the show. Harry took a quick glance down at their hands. Yep, they were definitely holding hands. It took him a little while to realize how happy he was with that fact. She was holding his hand. What did that mean?

They spent the rest of the afternoon talking and watching television, which Luna seemed very entertained with. It wasn't until around seven that Luna announced that she had to go home. Harry walked her where the apparating limits were on his flat and they said goodbye. He returned to his living room and lit up a cigarette, which he had been dying for. His thoughts were now consumed with Luna. She had made him feel so much better, just by talking to him. And by holding his hand. Harry smiled. He didn't know what it meant, but he was happy.

Later that night, Kyle returned with a bunch of his belongings. After piling his guitar, bedding, clothes and other things into the large living area he looked around.

"What happened with the recliner?" Kyle asked.

Harry had completely forgotten about it. He smiled, "Guess they never showed up."

Thanks for reading! Please leave a review. I'm very curious what you think. Mwah!


	10. The Party

Warning!Mature content ahead

The following week, Kyle invited Harry to a party at a friend's flat in Camden. Harry was excited to go. He and Kyle were going to be the only wizards there. Harry wouldn't have to be as vigilant knowing that there wouldn't be any Death Eaters or admirers to put him on the spot. It was around 10pm and Harry and Kyle were getting ready to leave. Both were already intoxicated and sloppily chatting about the chances of finding new girlfriends that night. Harry looked hopelessly at his reflection. He thought he would need a confundus charm to convince girls to date him. His hair simply existed atop his dome without any rhyme or reason. He critiqued his outfit harshly. Something needed to give here.

"Kyle," Harry whinned loudly into the next room.

"What?" Kyle asked as his face appeared around the edge of the door frame. Harry looked at him. He was dressed impeccably and looked a hell of a lot cooler than Harry.

"I need your help," Harry started, returning his gaze to his reflection. "I look terrible."

"You sound like a chick," Kyle answered, laughing. "Can you please just hurry up so we can go?"

"Let me wear something of yours," Harry pleaded.

Kyle smiled. "Okay, but then let's get the hell outta here." Kyle returned to the other bedroom where he had been staying ever since he had found a bed to put in it. He returned with another couple of beers and some clothes. "You can wear these, but I'm not sure they'll fit."

Harry tried everything on until he had found the best fitting pants and jacket. "The length is good, but they're so damn _tight."_ Harry laughed as Kyle rolled his eyes and walked out of the room. Harry took another look at his reflection. He looked a hell of a lot better. Just having stylish clothes made Harry's confidence skyrocket. This party was going to be a lot of fun. He began to down his beer.

"Oh, Harry!" he heard Kyle yell from the other room. "Someone's here to see you!"

Harry had no idea of what to make of that. Who would show up at 1030pm to see him? Harry walked into the living room and saw Luna standing near the door.

"Luna!" Harry said, surprised. He walked over to her and they embraced each other. Harry didn't know why she was here and couldn't gauge from her facial expression. "How are you? What's going on?"

She smiled at him. "I'm doing very well, Harry. I came by to see if you wanted to join me at the Weasley's tonight? They invited me over and I was hoping you could come with me."

"Oh," Harry started, "I'm actually going to a party at one of Kyle's friend's places."

"I see," Luna said. She looked disappointed. "Where is the party? Is it in London?"

"Yeah," Harry said, looking over at Kyle quickly before asking, "would you like to come with us?"

"Sure," she answered brightly.

"Okay," Kyle said loudly, "Great! Now, let's get this show on the road. We're picking people up on the way, too, so we don't have time to chat, or for Harry to continue staring at himself in the mirror, or for you two to start flirting with each other..."

Harry's face turned red and he laughed, pretending to grab something from his living room so that he didn't have to look at Luna. They made their way out of Harry's flat and down to the ground floor. They exited the building and Kyle quickly turned around, almost forcing Luna and Harry to run into him.

"Whoops! I forgot, my car only has two seats, and I'm picking up muggles, so you two are gonna have to walk or apparate or something," Kyle said very quickly.

"Okay," Harry said slowly, giving Luna a confused look. He knew very well that Kyle's car had more than two seats and didn't know why he lied. "Do you mind, Luna?"

"I prefer it, actually," she said. "I usually become nauseous when I ride in cars."

"Alrighty, well that's all figured out. Sorry, again," Kyle said beginning to walk down the street to his car. "Harry boy, you have the address, I shall see you two there."

Harry raised his eyebrows at Luna. "Sorry," he said, smiling. "I know where it is, but not exactly how to get there." He showed her the address he was given and they tried to determine where to start. As the began walking down the street, Luna talked animatedly about how much she enjoyed walking around London.

"I am never here much, so I always love when I get the chance," she finished.

"I really like it here, too," Harry said. "It wasn't until I moved here that I started to know the city better. I never really came here, either."

They became quiet as they walked. Harry recalled the other day when Luna had held his hand. He wondered what she had meant by it. She was a strange girl. It was never easy to understand what she was thinking. Although Harry was taken aback by Luna's sudden frequent appearances, he was excited about the idea that she might have feelings for him. He knew he would never find another Ginny, however he pondered what it would be like to date someone completely different. He wanted to find the courage to hold Luna's hand now, but still wasn't sure whether or not she thought of him as any more than a friend.

Harry realized how long they had been silent for and struck up conversation about how _The Quibbler _was doing. He enjoyed listening to her high pitched voice speaking passionatly about the magazine. Before he knew it, they were in the neighborhood of the party. Kyle's car was parked outside the house and the two made their way up the steps and into the flat.

As they reached the landing, Harry heard loud music playing and a voice yell, "Oi! That'll be 10 pounds, mate." The man was cleary drunk and was slightly slouched over on a chair.

Kyle emerged from the doorway, "Get outta here, Barry. They're with me..." He grabbed Harry's arm and in turn Harry grabbed Luna's hand and the three made their way around the mob of people clogging up the doorway. The whole place was very packed and very loud. Kyle guided them towards the fridge where he grabbed them some beers. He said something to Harry and Luna, but Harry couldn't make it out over the music.

"What?" Harry yelled as they made their way to a couch further away from the speakers.

"I said," Kyle started, "you and Luna should see who can drink their beer faster."

That made Luna laugh as she popped the top off her bottle and began to down it. Harry quickly realized that she was going to beat him unless he hopped to. He followed suit, chugging it, only stopping to take a breath.

"Uh! Uh, ohhh," Kyle laughed, "looks like Luna's our winner." Luna smiled brightly as she waved the empty bottle in front of Harry's face. Harry glared at her as he finally finished his drink and set the bottle on the coffee table next to the couch.

"Two out of three," Harry said, smiling sheepishly at Luna.

"No, no," Kyle said loudly. "Winner gets the first shot," he said grabbing a bottle of gin off of a table next to the couch. He took three cups off the coffee table and poured a shot, handing the first to Luna.

She pinched her nose and swallowed the shot in one gulp. Harry and Kyle laughed and downed theirs. Luna poured them another round. Just as they shot them, Harry saw Kyle squint across the room.

"Oh, shit," he said standing up. "My boy just showed up. Ima be right back.." He wandered into the throng of people standing around the pong table. Harry laughed for no reason. He was feeling very buzzed and wanted another drink.

"Would you like a beer, my lady?" he asked Luna as he stood up.

She smiled at him while considering the question. "Can you mix me up something delicious?"

"That I can," he said giggling. He walked in the direction of the kitchenette. He never would have guessed Luna could be so much fun. He shuffled through the fridge looking for something sweet. The best he could formulate was cranberry juice and vodka. He grabbed another beer and headed back for the couch. Kyle had returned and was sitting on the coffee table talking to Luna and another girl. Harry sat on the arm of the couch and handed Luna her drink.

"It's the best I could do," Harry told her as she sipped her drink.

"Oh, I see," Kyle said to Harry, "you get your girlfriend a drink, but the guy who invited you here gets nothing."

Luna laughed loudly as Kyle furtively winked at Harry.

"Harry," Kyle began, "this is my friend Gemma." The other girl sitting on the couch, a pretty brunette, shook Harry's hand. "Gemma, this is Harry."

The four began talking to each other and one of Gemma's friends, another brunette, joined them around the couch. Harry decided to take a couple more shots with everyone, chasing them with his beer.

Kyle stood up, "Well, I'm gonna go smoke a cig. I was told to try and keep it by the window." He and Gemma left, leaving Harry on the couch with Luna and Gemma's friend, whose name Harry learned was Erin.

"Harry, why don't you sit next to me?" Erin asked. "You don't need to sit up there. There's plenty of room," she said gesturing to a spot furthest from Luna.

Harry was starting to feel pretty wasted. He wasn't too keen on moving at all, but didn't want to seem rude. He plopped down on the seat next to Erin.

"Thanks," he said, feeling slightly akward. She moved a tad closer to him and began chattering to him. Asking him questions about how he met Kyle, where he was from, and other things Harry was too drunk to follow. Erin realized Harry was looking at Luna. She began trying to include Luna in on the conversation. Luna simply stared at her, her face blank. Erin eventually focused her attention back on Harry. Harry could see Luna glaring towards Erin. He looked back at Erin who was looking at him as though waiting for an answer.

"Sorry?" Harry asked.

"Would you like me to get us something else to drink?"

"No, thanks," Harry answered. Harry looked at Luna who shook her head. "Actually, I think I'm ready for a smoke."

"Me, too," Luna said, standing up and following Harry to the seats near the window, finally smiling at Erin as she walked away.

Harry leaned against the wall next to the window and lit up.

"Would you like one?" Harry asked her.

"No, thanks," she answered. "I just really wanted to get away from that girl."

Harry smiled. "I'm sorry, she was pretty chatty, huh?"

"She was pretty annoying," Luna said returning the smile.

Harry took a few more drags from his cigarette before he noticed Kyle wasn't around. He scanned the flat and spotted him with his arm around Gemma's shoulders, closer to the center of the room.

Harry was enjoying the feeling of the nicotine softening his inebriated state. The drinks were starting to catch up with him, and he was feeling good. Harry looked down at Luna. She had her eyes closed and was breathing deeply. Uh oh.

"You feeling okay?" Harry asked her, putting his hand on her shoulder.

"Yes," she said, keeping her eyes closed. "I believe there are some flextop flies in the room. I think I can feel them."

Harry busted out laughing and she finally opened her eyes. She started laughing, too.

"Yeah? And how exactly does that feel?" Harry asked, cracking up.

Luna leaned forward and kissed Harry on the lips. It only lasted a second, but it was all Harry needed to know what Luna thought of him. Harry put his hand on her waist and the other in her hair and looked into her eyes. He smiled at her and she earnestly smiled back, biting her lip. They kissed again. It was short and sweet and just enough for Harry to suddenly want to leave the party, so they could be alone.

"Want to go?" Harry asked her, holding her hands in his. She nodded. Harry scanned the room again. Kyle had made his way to the couch with Gemma. The two were cuddling and talking about something together. Harry figured that Kyle wouldn't mind if he and Luna dipped out. Harry guided them to the door where they carefully stepped over a passed out Barry in order to exit.

Both Harry and Luna were very much intoxicated. Harry barely walked straight as they made their way through the London streets. Luna giggled as she tried to follow Harry as he swerved through the streets.

"Fuck it!" Harry yelled. "You want to just apparate?"

"I'm," Luna hicupped, "not entirely sure that's such a good idea...Considering how much we drank"

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"You're right," Luna answered, "fuck it."

She tightened her grip on his hand and they disapparated. They ended up on the porch of Harry's building. They made their way up the stairs and entered Harry's flat. Harry turned the television on as Luna plopped down onto the couch.

"Wooo," Luna said, "what a night, huh?"

Harry nodded, sitting down next to her. She once again flashed her beautiful smile and Harry kissed her again. This time it was much longer. Gone were the noisy people from the party. It was just them now. He put his arms around her waist as she laid hers around his shoulders. At first they kissed slowly. Harry was nervous about pushing it too far, but as he felt her fingers grip his hair, he pushed his tongue past her lips. She made a quiet moan as Harry's tongue met hers. She licked his lips and eventually bit his bottom one. Quite hard, actually. Harry's eyes opened and he met Luna's looking back at him as the kiss was broken.

She laughed quietly and looked down. Harry could not believe what had just happened. His beautiful, kind, intelligent friend had just made out with him. She knew all about how Ginny had dumped him and still she had kissed Harry. Harry was still trying to grasp that this was, indeed, reality as he went in for another kiss, only this time, much more fervently. His hands were in her beautiful long hair as he sucked and licked her lips. Luna took a moment to respond as though surprised. She put one hand on his chest and the other along the side of his face.

As they made out, Harry felt himself getting harder and harder. Luna's mouth tasted so good and her hands were making their way from his chest, to his back, to the top of his ass. Harry took that as his cue to deepen the kiss, leaning forward and pushing Luna onto her back. He kissed her neck and worked his way down to her cleavage. Harry had no idea where he found the courage as he started to pull her shirt up, kissing her navel.

Luna giggled and sat up. "That tickles!" she said.

Harry saw his opportunity to slide her shirt off. She was wearing a light pink bra that Harry wanted desperately to remove. Harry began kissing Luna again as he pinched her nipples through her bra. She began to unbutton his shirt, using her tongue to penetrate Harry's mouth. As his shirt hit the floor, Harry took his undershirt off and tossed it to the ground with the rest of their clothes. Luna's hand traveled down to Harry's crotch. She rubbed him through his clothes, making Harry stop what he was doing and let out a low moan, closing his eyes.

When he opened his eyes, he saw Luna looking up at him, smiling. Harry smiled back and moved his hand around her back to unhook her bra. He tried several times to seperate the two ends, but to no avail.

"Fuck!" Harry laughed, collapsing on top of her.

"Let me help you out," Luna said, giggling. With one hand she effortlessly unclapsed her bra. Her breasts were exposed and Harry felt like he was suddenly enchanted.

"Oh. My. God," Harry said reaching out and holding her chest in his hands. He felt like he was doing something wrong. Was he allowed to touch things so perfect?

"Goddamn, Luna," he murmured, "you are amazing." He put his lips on her nipple and licked them, feeling them harden in his mouth. He pinched the other with his fingers. He backed up slightly, just so he could get a better view. He began sucking on them again, as though he'd never get another chance.

"Harry," Luna's dreamy voice started, "I'm still up here."

"I'm sorry," Harry said, moving his head up to kiss her. "You are just so fucking beautiful."

Luna's hand made their way down to Harry's pants, where she began trying to loosen his belt. Harry's heart started beating rapidly. No way. This was happening. This was going to happen. Harry was extremely excited to get their pants off, yet terrified. He hadn't had sex in a couple months and he wanted to give Luna his best.

Luna pulled his belt off and tossed it to the ground. Harry unbuttoned Luna's pants, fumbling as he pulled the zipper down. He pulled her pants down to her thighs, so her panties were exposed. Harry noticed that they matched her bra as he put his hand in between her legs over her womanhood and slowly rubbed her. Luna closed her eyes and pressed herself harder against Harry's hand. Harry's eyes were wide as he watched her licking her lips and quietly moaning. Harry leaned down to kiss her again and began removing his pants. He dropped them onto the ground and started on Luna's. Her's were much tighter and Harry had to pull them at her ankles until they slid off and out of the way.

Both were now only in their underwear as they started kissing again. Harry's hand found its way back down between Luna's legs, but this time he slipped under the fabric of her panties. He felt the hair against his fingers as he slid them down to the moist warmth of her girl. Gently, Harry moved his fingers in a circular motion along her clitoris. His dick was rock hard and becoming uncomfortable within the restraints of his briefs. As though reading his mind, Luna pulled his underwear as far down as she could, stopping at his knees. Harry's cock was freed and Harry briefly felt self concious as Luna took his manhood into her hands.

"Mmmmm," Harry breathed, "Luna..."

She began slowly stroking him as Harry continued rubbing her. Harry felt himself getting closer to the edge and decided to lay himself flush against Luna's body, keeping his dick out of reach. He kissed her nipples and licked them while digging his fingertips into her hips. He slowly kissed down the front of her body until he was facing her curly blond mound. Harry buried his face in between her legs, sliding his tongue gently along her clitoris. He felt Luna's hand in his hair as he brought his other hand between her legs and along the lips of her vagina. As he lightly sucked on her he slowly stroked her. His fingers became wetter as Luna began rubbing herself on Harry's face.

He reached up and pulled down her panties, leaning back so that he could slide them off from around her ankles. As he dropped them to the ground, he caught sight of the beautiful view of Luna laying back, naked, with her legs slightly drawn upward.

"Luna," Harry started as he removed his briefs and sat back to get a perfect view. "You are so fucking beautiful..."

Luna's head rose as she sat up and she drew her knees together as though suddenly self concious. Harry caressed her thighs, sliding his hands down under her ass. They kissed as Harry picked her up off of the couch and carried her to his bedroom.

The plopped down onto the bed, Luna landing on her back. Harry moved her legs so that she was once again laying with her knees up so he could put his face between her legs. Harry resumed kissing her clitoris as he slowly and gently fingered her. As Luna adjusted she began moving her hips with the rythem of Harry's fingers. She grasped his hair in her hand as she pressed his face more firmly between her legs. Finally, Harry moved his face down to her entrance, sucking her lips lightly. He slid his tongue as far into Luna's vagina as he grabbed her thighs in his hands. She pressed herself along his tongue until she eventually gripped his hair and moved his face back to her clitoris. Harry kissed it as he reached up to hold her breast.

His face was soaked and Luna moaned as she began riding his mouth. Harry moved his head up. He wanted her nipple in his mouth now. As he cupped her chest in his hands Luna whinned,  
"C'mon, Harry...You can't stop now."

Fueled by her enthusiasm, Harry moved his head back down to her legs. His mouth was becoming tired, but he tried his best to kiss her as he had, sucking softly and licking faster as she quickened the speed of her hips. Harry slipped two fingers inside of her and began quickly fucking her with them, trying to keep up with her hips. She moaned loudly and squeezed her legs together, the grip on Harry's hair suddenly becoming painful.

Suddenly, Luna stopped moving. Her grasp on Harry's hair went slack. He looked up. Luna was laying with her head back and her eyes closed. She seized slightly. Did she cum? Harry crawled up towards her, laying down next to her. She smiled, still keeping her eyes shut, and welcomed Harry's hand in her hair.

She stayed in that position for a few minutes, her breathing becoming lighter and lighter. Harry looked down at his penis. It was still rock hard and seemed to be staring at him, wondering what would happen next. Harry stroked himself lightly, glimpsing at Luna's wet girl and beautiful round boobs. He reached his other hand out to pinch her nipples, marveling as they hardened. Harry was finding it increasingly difficult to just lay there, as Luna's perfect body lay next to him. He stood up off of the bed and kneeled down at the foot of the bed. Her vagina was still soaked and Harry couldn't help but insert two fingers into her as he stroked himself. He leaned forward and kissed her tummy. She looked up at him and grinned contentedly. Harry stood up and pressed the tip of his penis against her clit very softly. He gasped as the warm wetness touched the head.

She wiggled her hips slightly, and Harry took that as his cue to push himself into her. He started slowly. Her entrance was tight and he slipped in, inch by inch, the warmth making him feel ecstatic. Once he was completely inside her, he moved his hips in a circular motion, savoring the wonderful sensation. Luna and he locked eyes as he began to fuck her, slowly increasing the speed. The bed moved slightly and Harry's eyes wandered down to her tits as they bounced with the movement of their thrusting. Harry reached out and grasped them, leaning down so he could kiss them. He focused on the feeling of her warm tightness hugging his length as the friction made his mind blank. Her eyes were closed tightly as she moved her hand down to rub her clitoris as he continued fucking her girl and fondling her chest.

Harry quickly grabbed her by the hips and flipped her so that she was laying on her stomach, her feet on the ground. Harry grasped her ass in his hands and entered her again, moaning loudly as he was overwhelmed with the sensation. He moved his hand to her mound replacing her hand at her clit. He rubbed in the same way he had watched her in rythem with his thrusts. Closing his eyes tightly, he withdrew his dick as he came on her ass, collapsing slightly as his body seized in orgasm.

He layed on top of her for a few moments, savoring the feeling. Finally he reached over to his bedside table and grabbed his wand, cleaning Luna and himself up before laying down next to her.

"What a night, huh?" Harry said, adjusting his arm so Luna could get closer to him. She nodded, her eyes closed, already falling asleep. Harry thought he heard Kyle come in the front door. Harry considered how nice it was to go to bed with his friends in his home. Thoughts of Luna consumed his dreams as he finally fell asleep.


	11. Crossing the Line

Please comment! I would love to know your thoughts!

Harry walked into his living room and found Kyle laying on the floor near the kitchen. The two had been to several parties over the past few weeks. Kyle had friends who were in bands touring through Europe. The two men had gotten trashed on many occasions, bringing Luna whenever she was free.

Harry and Luna had hooked up a few times and Harry was confused about what they were. The fact that they were never sober when they had sex led Harry to believe that they were not serious, however his feelings for Luna were intesifying. She was carefree and just what he needed. It wasn't until the past month or so that Harry realized what a catch Luna was. He had always thought she was pretty, but never knew just how easy to relate to she was. Harry hadn't told anyone but Kyle about them. Harry had decreased his visits to the Weasley's to just once or twice a week. Everytime he sensed or saw that Dean was there he would turn around home and not return for a while. Although his life was starting to look up, the pain of Ginny's betrayal was still fresh in his mind.

Harry walked up to Kyle and nudged him with his foot. He didn't move.

"Hey!" Harry yelled. Kyle jerked violently and looked up. He stared at Harry confused. "You alright, Kyle? How did you end up here?"

"Uhhhh," Kyle started, looking around the flat. "I don't know..."

Harry walked to the kitchen and began making coffee as Kyle layed on the floor, rubbing his face. Harry had gone to bed before him, so he was clueless as to why Kyle had decided on that particular spot to sleep.

"So Harry," Kyle said from the floor, "where's Luna?"

"She went home last night," Harry said pouring himself a cup. "You were there. You don't remember me walking her out?"

"No," Kyle laughed. "No I don't. What about Gemma?"

"I don't know. You two were out here when I went to sleep."

Kyle laughed again and resumed rubbing his face and moaned. "That coffee smell is gonna make me yack." He held out his hand for Harry to help him up. Harry lifted him off the ground and walked toward the couch.

"So what's up for today, man?" Kyle asked, following Harry to the living room.

"I don't know. Nothing," Harry said sipping his coffee.

Kyle sat down on the couch next to Harry. Harry noticed Kyle looking at him from the corner of his eye.

"What's up?" Harry asked, uncomfortable as he turned his head to look at a smiling Kyle.

"You gotta tell me, Har, what's the deal with you and Luna?"

"Errr," Harry started, taking another sip to give himself time to consider the question. "Well, I really like her.."

"So is she your girlfriend?"

"No."

"Then how come you're not dating anyone else?"

"I don't know, Kyle." Harry answered impatiently. He was sensitive when it came to girls commiting to him. Luna hadn't mentioned wanting to be his girlfriend and he hadn't brought it up because he was worried she would find him needy. After everything with Ginny, he was going to try to play it cool with girls, rather than gushing whenever he had feelings for them.

"Well," Kyle said, brushing off Harry's attitude, "that one girl, with the red hair, she was wearing a blue dress, I think, she said she thinks you're hot."

Harry didn't think that he knew who Kyle was talking about, but he was interested. He had feelings for Luna, but she didn't seem to want to be with him.

"What does she look like?" Harry said, trying to not sound as excited as he was.

"Umm," Kyle said, getting off the couch and walking to the kitchen. "She's pretty hot, actually, then again, I was wasted. But she seems cool. She's got, like uh, red mohawk."

Harry started laughing. "A red mohawk? What the fuck?"

Kyle laughed too as he took a beer out of the fridge and opened it. "Trust me, she's definately cute. Plus, even if you don't like her, you'll make Luna jealous, anyway."

Harry thought about that. Would dating another girl make Luna jealous? Or would she just be annoyed?

"Well," Kyle said, "I'll tell Gemma to bring her over next time."

"What's going on with you and her?" Harry asked, wondering how serious they were.

"She's cool and all, but I'm not trying to seal any deals," Kyle said. "Girlfriends are so much work. And expensive."

"They are a lot of work..."

"Well, I'm just happy you're not all sad about you ex anymore." Kyle said, swigging his beer. "I couldn't take you being such an emo child all the time."

Harry didn't mention how much he actually did miss Ginny. He was still getting used to not being around the Weasley's everyday and he would take Ginny back in a heartbeat.

Later that day, Luna came over while Kyle was out. Right off the bat, she seemed to be acting strangely. They were standing in the kitchen, talking about Luna possibly moving to London. Harry could tell she was thinking about something else. What could be wrong? Harry asked her if she wanted a drink. She didn't. She didn't even want to sit down.

"Is everything okay, Luna?" Harry asked moving towards her.

"Errr," she backed away slightly and Harry became worried. "Well, actually, I sort of need to talk to you..."

"Okay, what's up?" Harry was nervous. She looked extremely uncomfortable. His mind was racing through the possibilities. God help him if she was pregnant.

"I was talking to Ginny yesterday," she started slowly. Harry's heart beat quickly. If Ginny was involved, this couldn't be good. "And she became really upset when I mentioned that we were, you know, involved."

Harry was trying to think of what to say. "Why would she be upset?"

"I don't know," she said looking down, "I guess she didn't expect one of her friends to date her ex."

"But she left me!"

"I know, Harry," she said, looking at him, "I know. I'm just worried about ruining our friendship if we keep this up."

Harry felt his heart sink. Really? He must not mean anything to Luna if she would end things over this.

"I really like you, Harry," she said, "but it doesn't seem like you want this to get serious, so..."

Harry didn't know what to say. He wanted to date her, but now that this was in the air, it seemed too late.

''Okay," Harry said quietly. His eyes were down and he could feel tears in his eyes. Once again he was alone.

"I'm sorry," Luna said sincerely. "I really hope this doesn't ruin our friendship. I just don't want things between us and the Weasley's to get sour."

Harry said nothing.

"And even Mrs. Weasley was acting strangely towards me," Luna said desperately. Harry didn't know what to think of that, but he didn't really care. What's the difference? They were done, and it was pretty damn short-lived.

Harry tried hard to pretend that everything was okay. Now that she had dropped the bomb, Harry just wanted Luna to leave. As Luna tried cajoling Harry by making small talk and trying to act casual, Harry thought of how badly he wanted to cut himself. It had been so long and it seemed so right at the moment. He dug his fingernails into his arm as he stood with his arms crossed on the opposite side of the kitchen from Luna. After about a half hour Luna seemed to finally get the clue. She kept giving him looks that seemed to plead with him, but announced that she would leave him to his day.

"Harry," she said, turning to him as she was about to walk out the door, "I really hope you don't stay angry with me. I just want everyone to be happy in the long run..."

Harry smiled at her and gave her a hug. "I'm not angry with you..."

She seemed happy with his answer and left leaving Harry alone. Harry went to his bathroom. He grabbed a razor from the shower and sat down on the toilet. He couldn't decide where to cut. Did he feel like cutting his arm, but have to make up a story about why it was there? Or should he cut his leg and not have to worry about it? Cutting his leg never felt quite as satisfying, but Kyle always asked too many questions...

As Harry pulled his pant leg up, anticipating the release, he heard a knock at the door.

"Hey dude!" Kyle was yelling. "What's good with you? I just saw Luna, she didn't look too good."

Harry had accidentally dropped the blade to the floor and was trying to snatch it up. His hands were shaking, fearing Kyle was going to try to bust in. He threw the blade in the tub and opened the door.

"What do you want?" Harry asked, annoyed.

"Geez!" Kyle scoffed, "I just wanted to ask if everything was all good with you and Luna. She walked right past me. I was like 'Hi!' and she sorta ignored me. I don't know if she, like, didn't hear me or somethin', but that would also mean she didn't see me-"

"I don't know!" Harry yelled over him, not in the mood to hear Kyle ramble. "She just told me she wasn't ever going to fuck me again..."

Kyle looked at him. "Really? Wha'd ya do wrong?"

"I-I don't know, really," he said, pushing past Kyle and sitting down on his bed. "She said Ginny was upset or something..."

"Ginny? Your ex?"

Harry nodded. "Well, what the hell is that about?" Kyle exclaimed. "She leaves you and expects you not to date any of her hot friends?"

"Luna is my friend just as much as she's Ginny's!"

"If I were you, Har, I would jump on this now! How can you let her do that?"

Harry said nothing. Kyle ran his hand through his hair. "C'mon, Harry, I hate seeing you all, like, upset. Just go to the_ Weasley's_," he said, making the name sound gross, "and tell her, your not gonna deal with her shit! Especially if she ain't your damn girlfriend."

Harry looked at Kyle, but said nothing, just shook his head. He didn't know how to explain his feelings for Ginny without sounding like a pussy.

"Harry," Kyle said smiling, "if you don't go after Luna, I'ma date her."

Harry was silent for a moment. Kyle stood waiting for a response. Finally, Harry replied.

"I hear you, Kyle, I do. It's just a little more complicated than that. Her family...her family's sort of like..my family..."

"Okay, so dating your sister can get complicated..." Kyle said, laughing.

Harry rolled his eyes and stood up. He went back to the kitchen and took a beer out of the fridge. Kyle followed Harry into the room and opened a beer as well. Harry was pissed off, but oddly glad for Kyle's presence. Usually, Harry found Kyle annoying after a while, but he needed the company. The good thing about Kyle was that he was always on Harry's side.

"You want me to roll us a doob?" Kyle asked.

Harry smiled at Kyle, but shook his head. "No, thanks."

"Oh, c'mon," Kyle said as he watched Harry light up a cig.

"Not in the mood."

"You can't just let these girls walk all over you. They're making you crazy! You're fucking uptight as shit."

Harry glared at him, but knew he was right. He really should speak his mind. He began quickly drinking his beer. Maybe he could try to talk to Luna about how they could work through this. Or better yet, he could talk to Ginny about it. The thought scared Harry. What would he say?

"You sure you don't want the doob?" Kyle ripped Harry from his thoughts. Harry looked at him and shook his head.

"You think I should try to talk some reason into Ginny?"

"Yes, Har, yes," Kyle said, grabbing another beer. "Tell her not to meddle in your business anymore. She can't just emotionally blackmail your friend. Y'know, she's prolly just jealous of you two."

Harry doubted it, but couldn't think of why Ginny wouldn't be happy for him. She definately didn't want him would it hurt if he and Luna were together? Harry was weighing his options between losing Kyle and returning to the bathroom to self destruct or possibly going to the Weasley's and trying to fix things. Why was Mrs. Weasley upset? He hated when Mrs. Weasley was angry with him...

"Yo!" Kyle yelled. He was looking at Harry with wide eyes and a smirk. Harry's thoughts were disrupted as he turned his attention to Kyle.

"What?"

"You were fucking zoned out. I asked if you wanted to go out drinkin' or somethin'. I mean, look on the bright side, we're both still single..."

"You know what?" Harry said while getting another beer. "I think I'm going to visit her house and just say 'maybe you should just stay out of my business.' You know, you're right. I can't just have these girls decide what's going to happen in my life."

"I'm always right," Kyle agreed, lighting a cigarette for himself.

Later that night after several more drinks, Kyle went to Gemma's, leaving Harry to go to the Weasley's. He was relieved that Dean wasn't there as he entered the home. Harry worked through some small talk with Ginny's brothers and parents who were all there in the living room. Fleur was in the kitchen with Ron who was eating a late dinner. Harry asked where Hermione and Ginny were and was told that Ginny was upstairs somewhere and Hermione was at her parents house.

Trying not to seem too sketchy, Harry excused himself so that he could sneak upstairs. He felt comfortable with the situation considering how buzzed he felt. He would just have a civil conversation about what it means to be a friend and keeping personal boundaries. She'd probably understand how he felt and everything would be smooth again between everyone. As Harry saw her bedroom light on, but the door closed, his nerves shifted slightly. How would he start?

He knocked on her door. "Yes!" she yelled.

"It's Harry."

"Hold on!"

She opened the door and Harry was met with a very beautiful confused face. He was lost for words for a moment and could only flash a quick bright smile as he tried to shake his awkwardness.

"Hey."

"Hey," she said, looking at him with her brow furrowed, but a slight smile.

"What's going on with you, Gin?"

"Nothing. I was just reading. What's going on with you?"

"I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you...Just for a little bit..."

"You want to talk to me?"

"Well, yeah," he stammered, "about something.."

She moved back, inviting him into her room. She sat on her bed and he followed suit. Harry thought he was at least mildly drunk, but suddenly everything seemed very sober. She was turned towards him and was looking at him 'd have to just get to it then...

"So...I was talking to Luna earlier.." he said slowly, trying figure out what he was going to say as he said it, "...and she said you were sort of upset with her?"

She was taken slightly aback and didn't answer immediately.

"Well, I wasn't upset with _her,"_ she started, " I just...let her know how I felt about something."

"Well, what did you say?"

"That's not really your business, Harry," she said, annoyed. Harry's heartbeat quickened as he sensed a confrontation, however he hadn't come all the way over here to be pushed aside so quickly.

"I think it is. You messed something really great up for me," he replied.

She gave him a look he couldn't quite read. "It didn't sound so serious when she explained it to me."

"Ginny," Harry started in a voice he hadn't ever used with her, "this isn't something that's up to you to decide. I really like Luna and we should be able to take it as slow as we feel like. She's my friend, too!"

"Well, as her friend," Ginny said to Harry in the same tone, "you should know that she's in a fragile state. After everything with Neville, you shouldn't just start using her for casual sex."

Harry hadn't any idea what Ginny meant about Neville. He knew that they dated very briefly, but that was almost an entire year ago. He didn't want to inquire about what she was talking about and admit that he was, indeed, clueless about it all. In Harry's eyes, either way, Neville was sort of irrelavent.

"I'm not using her for anything. I didn't lure her in in any sneaky way," Harry said, insulted. "She was just as willing to be with me and we had a lot of fun. If she and Neville are done, then it's got nothing to do with me."

"She was very upset with everything that happened with them, Harry. Why would you want to jump into bed with someone who's still in love with someone else?"

"Why are you trying to make decisions for a grown woman?"

Ginny said nothing and didn't look at Harry. Harry couldn't believe that she was defending her actions.

"Ginny," Harry said pointedly, "you are not her mother. You have no right to confuse her just as much as Neville may have. All I am asking is for you to not meddle in my relationships."

Ginny looked up. "I'm not meddling in anything. When she came to me, she was looking for my opinion on something and all I did was be honest."

"She said you were upset. She said even your mum was acting different towards her. How can you expect her to do whatever she wants when you make her feel guiltly?"

"I didn't try to make her feel guilty. She came to her own conclusion."

"So you're trying to tell me you didn't say anything that you thought would make her feel she should stop dating me."

"From what she told me, you didn't even _date._ It's a bad idea to get feelings all mixed up. What if things didn't work out with you?"

Harry could barely believe what she was saying. "What the hell does it matter? She's a big girl, Ginny. She can decide whether or not she's ready for a relationship!" Harry had stood up and was almost yelling. "I can't have this Ginny! It's not fair. Why can't I be happy?"

"Why can't you be happy? Is Luna the only girl in the universe?"

"You're acting ridiculous! You know, Dean was my friend before you two started sneaking behind my back!" Harry wished he hadn't brought it up, but it was out of his mouth before he could stop it. She had a shocked and nervous look on her face.

"I didn't..we never...did that," she was stuttering as she tried to find words.

"Oh, God, Ginny," Harry said glaring, "don't even try lying about it now. I know you cheated with him. I think it was pretty fucking obvious to everyone. It doesn't even matter now. I want to move on and it's difficult when you bad mouth me to my friends!"

Ginny's face was bright red. "I wasn't bad mouthing you! I just told her that sometimes it's not the best idea to just sleep with someone you're not dating because feelings can get hurt and-"

"Oh so now you're worried about everyone's feelings, huh?"

"Harry," Ginny said, starting to sound apologetic, "please stop yelling. I'm sorry, okay? It weirded me out that you two were having sex all of the sudden and just a few months ago she was crying over another guy..."

"Why can't you ever worry about me? Do my feelings mean nothing? I was so happy when we starting seeing each other, you know? It's lonely when my girlfriend who I've known forever just dumps me! I have no family! I have no one! She came along and made me feel happy for the first time in a while and just like that it ends! It's over. And why? Because you feel like maybe she's be better off. That's bullshit!"

"Harry," Ginny yelled back, "I can say whatever I feel like to my friend. _You_ can't dictate that! She wanted to know what I thought and I told her, okay? I didn't think she should start having sex with someone so quick because feelings can change. You two weren't dating, you were just wasting time. What if you left her like Neville and-"

"And what?" Harry yelled, cutting her off. "I'd do the same thing you did to me? Leave her in the dust for who ever is up next? No, Ginny! I wouldn't do that! I never would have done that! I know how it feels." With that he stormed out and slammed the door behind him. He stomped down the stairs, pissed off as all hell. What the hell was she thinking? She was being selfish. Harry figured her family must have heard them yelling. He walked right out the front door, not saying anything to anyone.

As soon as he was out the front door, he lit up a cigarette. He couldn't deal with crap like this. None of it made sense and it wasn't fair. He apparated home and immediately decided to roll up a reefer. Suddenly, he was in the mood. He was no longer sad, just pissed. He turned the TV on. Where the fuck was Kyle? He needed someone to vent to. He needed someone to tell him how to fix this mess. He lit the tip and took desperate hits, trying to rid himself of the demanding knots of anger in his belly. Finally, he felt the high and noticed his body relaxing. He was still upset, but it was no longer so urgent. His mind was cleared slightly as he thought of how he could talk some reason into Ginny. Luna seemed like a lost cause now. After seeing the look on her face that day, Harry just knew they probably would never be able to have the relationship he wanted.

Harry heard a knock on the door. Thank God, Kyle had finally came home. Harry stubbed the joint out, he was high enough. He swung the door open.

Ginny was standing outside. "Hi," she said. He noticed she had been crying.

"Hi," Harry said, he was taken aback, never expecting to see her here at his house.

"Can I talk to you?"

Thanks for reading! Please comment, I would love to hear your thoughts.


	12. I'm Sorry

_Please comment! It's always awesome to know what you're all thinking. I update as much as possible. I work part time and just started my first semester of nuring school, so sometimes my time is very limited due to the endless amounts of reading required. I must say, however that I adore those who have been reading as well as new readers. Your comments are always appreciated and considered. I will just throw this warning in now. This fiction may swing in and out of being entirely Harry/Ginny centered as the drama increases. It is under the Harry/Ginny section because through it all, Harry will be focused on his relationship with her. So please don't get angry (I've had some strange and disturbing comments/messages directed at me) because I want this story to have a real life feel, which includes fluctations in relationships. Thanks! Love you all! Okay I'm done yapping..._

Harry's heart melted. Here she was, his girl, coming to talk to him.

"Of course, Ginny" he opened the door wider so that she could come inside. She followed him to his couch where they sat down, facing one another.

"Harry," she started, "I wanted to say that I'm sorry."

Harry didn't respond, he was lost for words. He never expected her to come all the way over here just to say she was sorry. She had been crying, which meant that she was actually upset over the fact that they had been fighting. Harry was elated to know that Ginny still cared about him. He didn't want her to cry, he just wanted her to know how he felt. Looking at her now, he realized that he didn't care about what happened wih Luna, he just wanted things with them to be alright. And now it was. His beautiful dream girl was here in his home.

Ginny looked uncomfortable in his silence. "Really," she added.

Harry leaned forward, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissed her. A reflex had kicked in and he didn't know what he was doing, but it was too late as his hand moved up to hold the side of her face. To Harry's marvelous delight, she began kissing him back. He opened his mouth slightly to deepen the kiss. He was met with the wonderful taste of her, which he remembered all too well. Harry didn't know how long this would last, but he knew he would hate himself later if he didn't take a chance. He moved one arm up from her face and into her hair, and moved the other from her waist to the top of her ass. She responded by wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling herself closer to him.

At this very moment, Harry could swear he was dreaming. His hands were sneaking up the back of her shirt and the feeling of her soft skin beneath his fingertips was fueling his passion. They continued making out and Harry's mind was trying to work through the fireworks to consider what he should do next. Should he keep going? Would she be upset?

All thoughts aside, Harry was helpless as his body did what it pleased. His arms moved up to her bra and unhooked it effortlessly. He waited for the ax, but it never came. Instead, she moved her hands into his hair to push his face deeper into the kiss. He brought his hands back around to caress her chest, reaching under her shirt to feel her perfect boobs. His dick was rock hard, and Harry tried to keep this fact unknown as he began to remove her shirt. As they slid it up and off, her bra went with it. Harry wanted to wave it around like a victory flag, however he hung onto his composure as he was faced with the breathtaking view of her bare breasts.

He put his face against her chest, pushing her breasts together so he could feel them on his face. He began sucking on her nipples and moving back briefly to watch them harden. Holding each one in his hands, he returned his mouth to hers. His mind was becoming blank and his nerves were subsiding as they kissed again passionately. He removed his own shirt and dropped it out of sight as he slowly pushed her backwards. She laid back and wrapped her legs around his waist, placing a hand on top of his pants where his erection remained trapped. Harry couldn't help but rock his hips against her hand. He leaned down to kiss her neck and slowly worked his way down to the top of her jeans. It seemed so final. As soon as those pants were off, there would be no going back. He began to unbutton them, trying to race to the finishline before she could think of stopping. He lifted her up by her ass, so that he could slide her pants down.

Harry's heart was racing. He could not believe how lucky he had gotten tonight. As he stared down at her panties, his eyes were beginning to glaze as his lust became the driving force. He moved back to take her pants all the way off, pausing only to remove her shoes. When he looked back up towards her he noticed that she looked slightly nervous, watching him remove her clothes with cautious eyes. Harry knew he must put her at ease or this impromptu tryst would come to a quick end. He returned his face to hers, giving her a slow, yet deep kiss. Their bare chests were touching and Harry was fighting the urge to bury his face in between her boobs again. She put her hands on his ass, pulling his hips tighter against her own. Harry snuck a hand down between her legs to caress her as their kissing became more intense.

Harry felt her hands in his hair and suddenly they were pushing him down. At first, Harry thought she was pushing him away, but he quickly realized her target. He eagerly nestled his face between her legs, pushing her panties aside so that his tongue could touch her womanhood. Frustrated at his lack of access, he removed her panties with his teeth until they were just above her knees. He continued where he had left off, pushing his tongue into her vagina and stroking her softly. He knew from experience that her clitoris was very sensitive, so he refrained from making out with it as he wanted to. He slipped a finger inside of her, closing his eyes so he could focus on the amazing warmth that hugged it.

"Ginny," he mumbled into her crotch. He had resisted the urge to say 'I love you' several times, knowing it could very well put a quick end to this beautiful surprise sex. He instead, simply said her name and bit his tongue from saying the worst. He was becoming almost crazed as his tonuge slid against her lips and clit as he began fingering her faster. He wanted to be inside her so badly, but was worried about jumping the gun. His pants were still on and he tried to single handedly remove them while still pleasing her. He had the belt off when he felt Ginny sitting up.

"Allow me," she said, leaning up and pushing him onto his back. She began unbuttoning him as he helped her slide his pants down and off. She pulled his briefs down until his cock was released from the awkward position it was forced in while inside his clothes. She grabbed his dick and began stroking him as she sat on his lap and kissed him again. Harry was finding it hard to breathe as she kissed down his neck and bit his nipples until he gasped. She made her way to his legs, laying stomach down on the couch in front of him. She teased him at first, putting the head against her mouth and licking it lightly. Harry was no longer in control of his body as he bucked his hips up towards her mouth. She grabbed his balls in her hand and lightly rubbed them while sucking on the head of his penis. Harry's hand was in her hair as he tried to gently move her face further down onto his cock. He was breathing heavy, clutching a pillow in his hand tightly to try to relieve some of the burning desire to fuck her mouth.

She finally let go of his balls and grabbed the base of his penis, slowly allowing more of him into her mouth. Harry moaned as she began sucking him, rhythmically sliding up and down. Harry watched her, entranced with heavily lidded eyes. He kept nearing the edge of orgasm and desperately tried to look away from the beautiful sight in order to keep things alive. Things were quickly becoming too much to handle and Harry knew he had to do something or else he would erupt too soon.

"Whoa, whoa," he breathed, moving his body slightly further down the couch and away from her mouth.

"Huh?" she looked at him confused.

"I just," Harry laughed, "...it feels so fucking good..."

She smirked at him and slowly licked the head of his dick while maintaining eye contact with him. The few seconds that his manhood was out of her mouth had done him some good and he was able to keep himself together as she teased him.

Harry moaned as she gripped his cock and began jerking him slowly as she licked his sack. He wanted to be inside of her so badly, but couldn't move from the spot.

"Oh, god, Ginny," Harry moaned, "I want you on my face so bad right now..."

"Yeah?" she said between licks. Harry loved when she teased him, but was finding it hard not to give in to his need to either come or eat her vagina in one bite. He sat up straight and grabbed her under her arms, flipping her around so that she was facing the other direction, but on all fours. He immediately put his face in her girl, lapping at her wetness. He slowly licked up to her ass, fingering her pussy. She pushed herself against his face, edging herself backward until Harry was laying on his back with his tongue in her genitals. Her face was almost perfectly lined up with his penis and she took the iniative to envelope his penis in her hot, wet mouth. He could hear her moaning and could no longer resist the urge to gently lick her clitoris. She stopped sucking on him to make beautiful sounds.

"Ahhhh," she whimpered, very gently rubbing her clit on his mouth. Harry relished in the sound of her, relieved that he was no longer in her mouth. He wanted this to last long enough to make it to the end. He decided to tease her as well, slowly lightening his touch on her and moving back towards her opening. She tried to follow him until she realized what he was doing. She moved her hand down to stoke her clit. Harry felt her hand near his face and opened his eyes. The sight of her touching herself was too much to handle. He slid back and hopped off the couch.

As he stood behind her, mesmerized, she turned around and gave him a playful smile, continuing to please herself. Harry smiled back and laughed softly.

"Ginny," he said, shaking his head. "Goddamn..."

She reached her hand out and grabbed his cock, lightly pulling him toward her.

"What?" she said innocently. She had brought him back to her and was ducking her face down slightly to align her face with him. She licked him eagerly and he responded by moving his hips, letting his head drop back as his mouth opened to moan loudly. He put his hand in her hair, pulling her off of himself to bring his mouth to hers. They kissed deeply again, Harry's hand sneaking beneath her ass, dragging it to the edge of the couch.

They continued kissing as Harry lined his dick up with her entrance. She moaned into his mouth as he slowly and gently pushed himself inside of her. Harry had one hand in her hair, another on her chest, and his cock was almost fully enveloped. She began lightly bucking her hips as he swiveled his, marveling at the insanity of how wonderful this night was turning out. She removed her mouth from his and moved her face down to bite his nipple, hard.

"Uh!" Harry called out, surprised. He looked down at her. She was looking up at him with an innocent look on her face, gently sucking on his nipple. Harry's eyes went from wide to heavily lidded as he remembered why he loved this woman so much. She was the sexiest thing he had ever layed his eyes upon. His dick had finally made its way completely inside of her. He put her feet on the edge of the couch and positioned one of his knees on the couch. He began fucking her quickly, but as gently as he could. He grabbed both of her breasts in his hands and squeezed them before burying his face in them as he continued thrusting his rock hard dick into her. She began moaning, whining slightly as he hit the spot that made her eyes water. She grabbed onto his ass, desperately trying to get some leverage as he began fucking wildly. He removed his face from her tits and began licking and kissing up her neck, finding her mouth again.

They kissed passionately as he moved his hands down underneath her ass and lifted her slighly to get a better angle. Her back and head were the only things still touching the couch as he bucked his hips into her. Harry was nearing his climax, and decided to slow down slightly. He gripped her thighs, moaning as he slowly slid himself in and out of her.

"Harry," she whined, trying to move her hips faster. Harry didn't want to come yet, but it was becoming to much. He withdrew his manhood and replaced it with two of his fingers. He began fucking her with them as he got on his knees and put his face between her legs so he could kiss her womanhood. She moved her hips in the rhythm of his fingers, and he found it hard to keep his mouth between her legs. "Uh!" she complained loudly. She sat up and moved down on the couch, grabbing his arm as she went.

"Lay down, Harry," she commanded him, gesturing to the spot on the couch beside her. He plopped back onto the couch and she pushed his back down so that he was laying flat. She straddled him, moving her girl over his face. He immediately began making out with her girl, watching at she pleasured herself as well. Finally, she made her way back to his crotch, stroking his cock before rubbing it against her entrance. Harry moaned, yet made sure he kept his eyes glued to the beautiful goddess stradling him and teasing his dick. She began to slowly impale herself on him, licking her lips and closing her eyes until she was entirely enveloping him. Harry moved his hands up to hold her chest. She began moving up and down on him and Harry couldn't stop moaning as he was mesmerized. It was a breathtaking view. Her cascading red hair was moving in time with her hips and breasts.

Harry dared not look away or close his eyes for a second. He did not ever want to forget this spectacular sight. His hand moved to her clitoris. He began stroking it softly and she immediately began moaning loudly. Harry increased the speed of his fingers as she increased the speed of her hips. She leaned down onto him to kiss his mouth. He felt her tongue deep in his mouth as she moaned to the rythem of his hand. She whimpered slightly before he felt her vagina tighten slighly around his penis. She stopped riding him and he lightened the force of his fingers on her clit. She moaned loudly.

"Holy shit," she breathed. Harry only had a split second to remove himself from her before he went over the edge, too, his body seizing violently. Ginny dropped down next to him. They layed next to each other, breathing heavy. She looked over at him, her eyes half closed and her mouth open slightly, taking deep breaths. Harry was smiling back at her, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her close, landing one big smooch on the top of her head.

After getting his breath back, Harry cleaned himself off. He was so taken aback by what had just happened he didn't know what to say to Ginny. The words "I love you" kept sneaking to the tip of his tongue, making him think twice before ever opening his mouth.

"You are so beautiful, Ginny," he finally said, looking at her strewn across his couch. She smiled at him.

"Harry," she said quietly, casting her gaze downward. Harry's heart was dancing as he contiuously attempted to comprehend how lucky he had gotten tonight. Of all the possible outcomes of going to her house to tell her off, this was the last thing he thought would happen. He hoped Kyle didn't plan on returning soon, what with this beautiful woman laying naked on his couch.

"Can I get you anything?" Harry said as he picked up one of her feet and began rubbing it, simply to find some other way of touching her. "I was going to grab a drink."

"No, thanks," she answered, "actually, I might have to head home soon."

Harry looked at her, continuing to massage her feet. He wished she could stay the night, but wasn't shocked that she was leaving.

"I told my mum I was only coming over here for a little bit," she said. "I might have to think of a reason why I was here so long," she laughed, "definately can't tell her about this."

Harry smiled, "This is true," he said. He reached down to his pants and grabbed a cigarette out of the pocket. As he lit it up, he noticed her looking at him. Oh shit! He had already forgotten her stance on the smoking. His face turned red.

"Sorry," he mumbled, moving to stub it out.

"Oh, Harry," she laughed, "if there was ever a time for a smoke, it's now." She reached out for it and Harry passed it to her. She took a drag and handed it back.

"You drive me mad, Ginny," Harry said, laughing before taking another drag. She began getting dressed and Harry followed suit after finishing his cig. Harry walked her to the door, opening it for her so she could pass through. At the same moment, Kyle apparated at the end of the hallway. He spotted Harry and Ginny.

"Hey, Har!" he said, bounding to the door. Harry could tell he was drunk.

"Ginny," Harry said, "this is my friend Kyle. Kyle this is Ginny."

Kyle reached his hand out to shake hers, but gave her a strange look.

"Nice to meet you," Ginny said, not seeming to notice the tension.

"Yeah," Kyle mumbled.

Ginny apparated home. As soon as she was gone, Harry jumped into the air, bellowing a huge "Whoo!"

Kyle started laughing. "What the hell?" he asked. Harry just shook his head, dancing into the apartment, Kyle following behind him in a semi-straight line.

"So," Kyle started, "how'd it go?"

"It went well," Harry said with a shit-eating grin, "it went real well."


	13. You Came to See Ginny?

In the weeks following, Harry had been much more keen on visiting the Weasley's. If going there had gotten him so lucky, he figured it wouldn't hurt to keep it up. Harry had faced the unsurprising reality that Ginny was still seeing Dean, however he was glad to be still very much involved with her. He didn't know the extent of Ginny and Dean's relationship, but he was only concerned with he and Ginny's relationship at the moment. Ginny seemed to respond to him when he was more assertive. Now that she was in his bed again, Harry was frantically trying to figure out how to keep things going. He no longer had much to fear, and his only wish was to get her to stop seeing Dean. Although, Harry and Ginny had gotten it on again, Harry couldn't help but be disgusted at the thought of Dean with his girl.

"Just start things back up with Luna," Kyle said, as they walked the streets of London. They were both stoned and decided to grab some coffee. "It made her jealous before."

"I can't," Harry started, "it's not really going to happen with me and Luna." Harry lit a cigarette. "The last time I talked to her she told me that she wasn't feeling it anymore. She didn't think we were going to get serious."

"Harry,"Kyle laughed, "there's no need to always be in a relationship. Can't you two just have fun?"

"Not really, Kyle," Harry explained. "We're friends and I don't want to make things any more awkward. Things between her and Ginny got messed up because of me. She said she wouldn't keep seeing me if we weren't a couple."

"Just tell her you'll take it slow..."

"I can't, Kyle," Harry said matter-of-factly. "That would be like using her. I really like Luna. I would never be able to do that to her."

"Fine, Har, I'm just trying to help you out. You get with Luna, and Ginny's all over ya. If you want her to leave that scumbag, you're gonna have to up your game a little."

Harry was silent. He hadn't seen Luna since she had told them they were over. He didn't know what she'd think if she knew that he and Ginny had slept with each other. He was sure it wouldn't be good and had no intentions of letting her find out any time soon. He had been feeling so much more happy since Ginny had come back to him. He only had one motive now that he almost had what he wanted most.

"Y' know, Harryboy," Kyle started, "you really shouldn't give a shit about someone who is still dating someone else. It's not right. She made Luna leave you. Find a way to get her to leave Dean or else I think you should just give it up."

The idea seemed ludicrous to Harry. He would love to to be able to give up on Ginny, but it didn't seem possible. He was at a strange point in his life. He had no idea what he should be doing with himself. There wasn't really anything that he wanted to do. All he knew for sure was that he wanted Ginny to love him. He wanted to be a part of the Weasley family. He wanted to belong to someone. Being by himself seemed scary at first, but now he was just lonely. If it hadn't been for Kyle, he had no idea what he would have done.

The two made their way down to Diagon Alley. Kyle had been voicing his desire to check the place out for the first time. Harry knew there was a coffeeshop right near the top of the street. He wasn't too excited about going too far down into the alley. He was still pretty blazed and did not want to talk to people.

They zipped through the Leaky Cauldron, Harry dragging Kyle through as quickly as possible. Tom was sure to start a conversation and Harry was not in the mood. Harry was amused as he showed Kyle the brick wall guarding the entrance.

"Oh, shit!" Kyle laughed as he watched the wall disassemble. "That's amazing!"

Harry was becoming slightly nervous about encountering people who might try to stop him to talk. Harry kept his head down slightly as he put his hood over his head. Harry showed him the small corner where the coffee shop was located. As expected, many people were gawking at him. Harry felt butterflies in his stomach as he saw someone even point him out to their friend.

"This it?" Kyle asked, walking toward a small building. It had some outdoor seating and was not very crowded. Harry was grateful.

"Yes," Harry answered, "this is us." Harry saw someone to his left. He turned toward them.

"Hello," a thirty-something woman said. She looked very nervous, but had a beaming smile on her face. " I really don't want to bother you...but I really didn't want to miss the chance to meet you."

Harry didn't know what to say. He raised his eyebrows and smiled slightly opening his mouth to say something as she blurted out-

"My name's Stephanie. My mother was inprisoned by Death Eaters for being a muggleborn and I didn't know if I'd ever see her again. If it wasn't for you...I don't think she'd still be alive. Thank you so much..."

"Well..." Harry started, he was warmed by her words, but didn't know what to say. She was looking at him with so much admiration in her eyes. "I'm happy you-"

"I really didn't want to bother you," she said again, " I just wanted to shake your hand.."

Harry smiled at her, holding his hand out. She shook his hand, tears welling in her eyes.

"I'm glad your mother's okay," Harry said.

"Thank you!" She was holding his hand tightly. Harry hugged her.

"It was nice meeting you, Stephanie."

"Thank you!" she said again, "I apologize for bothering you..."

"Don't worry about it.."

She walked off, meeting with some other people who were waiting for her on the other side of the street.

Harry turned back to the coffee shop. "Okay, let's do this."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Kyle exclaimed. "What the fuck was that about? Do you mind telling me exactly what the fuck that was about?"

Harry looked at him. He didn't know where to start, nor did he feel like going into any details. He had thought there would come a time where he would have to explain some things to Kyle, but now didn't seem like the right time.

"I'll explain later.." he walked into the cafe, Kyle following behind him. As he walked to the counter he was taken aback by a beautiful girl standing behind it. She had long blond hair and green-blue eyes. She was shockingly gorgeous with big eyes and full lips. Harry's eyes became wide as he approached the counter.

"Hello," Harry said, a big beaming smile on his face. "How are you?"

"I'm doing well, thank you," she answered, "and yourself?" she had an accent of some sort. It sounded slightly Australian, but Harry wasn't sure.

"I'm doing great, thanks," Harry said. She took their order and began making their drinks. Harry turned towards Kyle and nodded in the direction of the girl, his eyes wide. Kyle smirked at him.

She gave them their coffee and Harry made sure he left her a generous tip before leaving and taking a seat outside.

"Goddamn," Harry said as he sat down, "she was hot!"

"Yeah, man" Kyle said laughing, "the look on your face."

Harry lit up a cigarette, thinking about the blonde girl.

"You should ask her out," Kyle said.

"I doubt that would go well," Harry said, "she was, like, really really hot."

"Oh c'mon, dude, grow some balls and ask her when she gets outta work."

Even if she would actually go out with Harry, he didn't think it would be a good idea with Ginny now back in the picture.

"I don't know," Harry answered thoughtfully, "I think I might head over to the Weasley's later..."

"Okay, okay, enough about these chicks," Kyle said. "You are gonna have to explain that whole situation with the lady just now. How did you save someone's life?"

"Err," Harry started. Where would he begin? "Have you ever heard of Voldemort?"

"Sorta," Kyle answered. " I know that things here were really fucked up just a little while ago...People were getting killed for being muggleborn. The ministry was taken over..."

Harry tried his best to briefly summarize his involvement. After he had finished the explanation, he was met by a blank look from Kyle.

"That's crazy," Kyle said. They were quiet for a while as they smoked their cigarettes and drank their coffee. "So why didn't you ever tell me anything about all that?"

"I don't know," Harry said, "I guess I've been trying to forget about it all."

"So you're parents...they're um...they're dead?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh. I'm sorry, Harry."

"Thanks..." Harry said, uncomfortable.

They sat in silence again, thoughtful.

Harry stubbed his cigarette out. "I'm ready to go."

"So that's why you've been avoiding the wizarding community?"

"Huh?"

"People always want to meet you. I just thought they were staring 'cause your a sexy motherfucker."

Harry smiled. "Well, that too."

The two men left Diagon Alley, making their way back to Chelsea. Kyle had to leave to meet with people about a potential job. Harry decided to leave for the Weasley's. He disapparated to the Burrow, materializing on their front yard. Mrs. Weasley was outside working.

"Hello, Mrs. Weasley!"

"Hello, Harry," she stood up, smiling. "How are you, love?"

"I'm okay, thanks," Harry answered. "How are you? Do you need any help?"

"Oh no, no," she said, brushing her hands off. "How have you been feeling?" she asked giving him a hug.

"Alright," he answered. "My shoulder feels fine now."

"Good," she looked him over, "you haven't been over everyday, like you said you would."

Harry grinned, guilty. "I'm sorry, I've been busy getting my new flat together," he lied.

"Huh," she said thoughtful. "How is everything between you and Ginny? I try asking her myself, but she doesn't really go into details."

Harry face turned red. The last time Mrs. Weasley had seen him he had stormed out of their house after arguing with Ginny."Okay. Y'know."

She smiled. "That's the same answer she gave me. Are you going to stay for awhile?"

"Sure."

"Great, Ron and Hermione are inside, sweetheart. They'll be excited to see you."

Harry made his way inside. The kitchen and den were empty. He made his way upstairs. Ginny's door was open. He knocked on it, peering in slightly. "Ginny?"

"Harry?" Ginny's face appeared around the door.

Harry hadn't really expected her to be in there. "Hello," he said.

She smiled at him. She was wearing a dress, her hair up. "Hi! How have you been?"

"Good," he replied, smiling back at her. "How 'bout you?"

"Okay,"

"You look great ," Harry said, biting his lip and grinning.

"Well, thanks," she said.

"Where are you headed?"

Hermione appeared in the hallway. "Harry!" She grabbed him, hugging him. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," Harry replied, he was happy to see her. Ron was coming down the steps.

"Hiya, Harry."

"Hey, how are you, two?"

"We're great," Hermione said, beaming. "We're going to Parvarti and Padma's birthday party. Did you want to join us?"

"Er..." Harry didn't really want to go to a party he wasn't invited to, "no thanks. I just wanted to stop in. See how you all are doing."

"Oh, alright, Harry," Hermione said, disappointed, "why don't you come down stairs with us so we can all talk. We're just waiting for Luna..."

"Luna?" Harry and Ginny said in unison.

"Yeah, Luna," Ron laughed. "She's going with us. Said she didn't want to go alone."

"Oh," Harry said, uncomfortable. He was nervous about her being there. He hadn't seen her since she had called things with them off because of Ginny.

"Okay, well, we'll meet you downstairs," Ginny said, walking back into her room.

Ron and Hermione descended the stairs. Harry looked to Ginny. He was ready to break out of there now that he knew Luna was coming over. For some reason, being with Luna and Ginny seemed like a sticky situation, an awkward moment waiting to happen.

"Harry," Ginny said, sitting on her bed. "I want you to know that I told Luna about us..."

"What!" Harry exclaimed. "What did you say?" He couldn't come up with any reason why Ginny should have felt it would be a good idea to tell Luna anything.

"I just told her that we had slept with each other again."

"Ginny," Harry sat down next to her, looking her in the face, "why would you do that? She's going to hate me."

"She asked me about you and I didn't want to lie."

Harry was silent. He was desperately thinking of how to make this go smoothly. Maybe Luna would be easy going about it. She had ended things because of Ginny, maybe she wouldn't be angry that they were dating again?

"I think I should leave," Harry said, standing up.

"Harry," she said, grabbing his arm, "it's okay. She didn't seem upset. She told me to be honest..."

"I get it, Ginny. It's just a little weird, you know? I'm not going to the party. I'll just come see you tomorrow."

"Okay, Harry," she said, holding his hand. She pulled him close to her and slid her arms up to his shoulders. Pulling his face close to her own, she kissed him. Harry's heart danced as he felt her soft, full lips against his own. He wrapped his arms around her waist, hugging her tightly. They made out for a moment, their tongues beginning to caress one anothers.

"Oi! You almost ready?" Ron called up the stairs. They heard his feet bounding up the stairs and they broke apart. His face appeared around the door, quickly realizing he had interupted something. "Er, sorry," he said, his eyes cast away from them, "Hermione wanted me to come get you two. She said Luna's on her way now..."

"Okay, thanks Ron," Ginny said quickly, annoyed.

"Alright," Harry said, "I'll see you tomorrow, Ginny."

"Okay, thanks for coming over, Harry," she said, smiling at him.

Harry smiled back, "No problem."

He made his way down the stairs. He was glad he had come over. Even though he had only stayed a few minutes, it was completely worth it. Ginny had seemed happy to see him.

He said good-bye to Hermione and Ron and walked out the front door. He didn't see where Mrs. Weasley had gone, she was no longer outside. As he walked down the porch stairs, Luna apparated directly in front of him, the two almost colliding.

"Hi, Luna!" Harry said, backing up slightly. He was incredibly nervous since he knew that she was aware of he and Ginny, now.

"Hello, Harry," she said. Her tone was not good. Harry was thinking of a way to quickly disappear.

"How have you been?"

"I'm alright, Harry," she wouldn't look at him.

Harry bit his lip, thinking of something to say. "Going to the Patil's party?"

"Yeah."

Neither said anything. Finally Luna said, "Are you?"

"No," Harry replied, "no, I was just stopping by to visit real quick."

"You came to see Ginny?" she asked. Harry's stomach tightened.

"Er, yeah...and Ron and Hermione...and Mrs. Weasley..."

"Oh," she said, looking at him briefly. "Ginny told me about you two."

Harry felt his face turning red. "Er...yeah. She told me about that..."

More silence. Harry asked, "Are you angry with me?" He wished he hadn't said it, but it was out of his mouth before he thought about it.

She didn't answer immediately. "No, Harry. I'm not angry. I'm not even very surprised. I know you love her. I just thought you loved yourself more..."

Harry furrowed his brow. "What? What do you mean?"

"You know she's still seeing Dean don't you?"

As a matter of fact, Harry did know she was still seeing Dean, but felt stupid admitting it.

"Luna...I-" Harry stumbled over his words, "-I'm sorry.."

"You don't need to apologize to me, Harry. I tried to help you before, but you don't even seem to care..."

Harry was confused. Luna walked closer to him. Harry leaned against the railing of the steps. He didn't know what to say because he didn't know what she meant.

Luna lowered her voice slightly, "Harry, I sent you that letter."

Harry looked at her, realization dawning.

"I thought that if you knew," she continued, "you would be able to help yourself. But you just keep on chasing her, even though you are aware of how she treats you."

Harry didn't know what to say. He would never have guessed that Luna was the one who had sent him the letter, leading him to the place where he witnessed Ginny cheating with Dean. He felt embarassed and ashamed. Harry couldn't meet her eyes.

"She's using you, Harry," Luna stated.

The front door swung open. Ginny appeared looking furious.

"Luna!"

"What Ginny? Forgive me for telling him the truth."

"You're not telling him the truth! How am I using him?"

"So you just plan on dating Harry and Dean? Does Dean even know?" Luna said, the volume of her voice rising.

"Mind your own business, Luna!"

"Well, it's become apparent to me that I care more about Harry than you do! Why don't you just be honest with him?"

Ginny face was bright red. "I have not told anyone that I was exclusively dating them. This has nothing to do with you!"

"Yes it does! You told me 'Oh you shouldn't get involved with superficial relationships. Feelings can get hurt.' And now look, you're involved in a slew of superficial relationships!"

Ginny stepped down off of the porch and got right into Luna's face. "Mind your own bloody business, Luna!"

Harry was nervous and a loss of what to do. "Okay," he said awkwardly, "let's just calm down."

They ignored him. "Harry's my friend and this is my business!" Luna yelled in Ginny face. "You don't care about either of these boys' feelings! You only care about yourself! Harry loves you and you know that! If you're not going to get serious with him, than tell him!"

"I never said I was serious with anyone."

"Well, you should. Harry has always been there for you! He saved your bloody life! And now what? Your just going to use him whenever you're lonely? Whenever Dean isn't around?"

The two girls were beginning to scream at each other. Harry tried to get between the two enraged women. What the hell was happening? Ron and Hermione came running out of the house, looking bewildered. The observed Luna and Ginny yelling at each other and Harry looking scared.

"Ginny?" Ron yelled. "What is going on?"

"This bitch is trying to get Harry to think I'm using him,"Ginny yelled. "She's just jealous that Harry fancies me more than her!"

"You're a sick person, Ginny," Luna said. "Do whatever you want, Harry," she said looking exhasted. "I'm just trying to help you. I'll be your shoulder to cry on when she hurts you again."

With that she disapparated. Ginny muttered an obscenity and walked back into the house. Harry was left standing at the bottom of the porch looking lost. He had no idea how things had gotten so heated so quickly. Ginny was pissed off and Luna was gone. What was he supposed to do?

"Harry," Hermione said, "what on earth just happened?"

Harry just shook his head, his eyes down.

"Ron," she said, " do you think you could check on Ginny?"

Ron nodded and left. Harry sat down on the steps, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a cigarette. He lit it up. Hermione sat down next to him.

"Are you okay, Harry?" Hermione asked.

Harry nodded. "Thanks, Hermione."

"What happened?"

"I don't even really know,' Harry answered. "I think I fucked up big time, Hermione."

"What do you mean?"

"Luna's angry with me. And I can't blame her. I'm such an idiot."

"Harry..."

Ron emerged from the front door. "Okay so Ginny doesn't want to talk. Why don't you try, Hermione?"

Hermione touched Harry's shoulder before standing up and walking into the house.

"What the bloody hell are doing to these women, mate?" Ron laughed.

"I have no idea what I'm doing," Harry said.

"What happened?"

Harry didn't want to explain. "I don't know. Luna's angry at me. Ginny's upset..."

"Well why were they fighting?"

"You should ask Ginny. I going to leave." He stubbed his cigarette out.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to the party?"

Harry just looked at him. Really?

"Oh c'mon, Harry," Ron said, "you never hang out with us anymore."

"Ron, look what I've caused!"

"Don't let your Ginny business keep you from spending time with me and Hermione"

Harry didn't know what to say. How could he possibly do that?

"I'm going to leave. I'll see you, Ron."

"See you," Ron said, dejected.

_Thank you so much for reading! Please comment and let me know your thoughts._


	14. Whoa

"So then that's when Ginny went running back into the house all pissed off," Harry finished, after just recounting the story of what happened the previous night. Harry had slept in all day and woke up to find Kyle sleeping on the couch with the TV on. They had spent most of the late afternoon drinking and shooting the shit until Harry could no longer keep last night's events to himself.

"So you mean to tell me," Kyle said, his eyes closed, looking like he was thinking very hard, "that you know that Ginny cheated on you, but you've still been trying to date her?"

Harry's face was bright red. "Er…well, yeah, I guess."

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Kyle exclaimed. "How is that okay? You're not a fucking leper, Harry. Why the hell would you even talk to her? Let alone kiss her ass and try dating her again."

Harry didn't know what to say. He knew he was pathetic, but having Kyle confirm it was leaving him speechless. "I don't know, Kyle," Harry said, looking down.

"If I were you, Harry," Kyle continued, "I'd just date Luna. She seems like she really likes you. And actually cares about you. I mean, really though, what is the deal with Ginny? What's got you stuck on her?"

Harry shrugged, shaking his head. "I don't know," he answered, sighing.

"She take your v-card?" Kyle asked with a smirk.

Harry just looked at him. In fact, she had, but it was about much more than that.

Kyle looked like he felt bad. "I'm sorry, man. I just can't understand why a sexy, rich-ass, nice guy like you would be into a girl like that."

Harry shook his head, thinking. "She's just so confident and hot and smart. She has an awesome family. We've been through a lot together. She's really good in bed, too," Harry finished, looking at Kyle who started laughing.

"She must be _really_ good in bed," he said, "for you to put up with all this aggravation."

Harry couldn't help but smile. He was crazy, but he didn't need people to keep reminding him.

"Well," Kyle continued, "why don't you go and smooth things over between you and Luna? When you were getting it on with her you were all sunshine daises."

"I don't even know how I'd run into her. I guess I'll have to write her a letter…"

"Write her a letter?" Kyle asked. "Just go to her house."

"I can't," Harry answered, "the last time I saw her dad, he almost had us killed by the then Ministry of Magic."

"What-?" Kyle said, confused. "The fuck are you talking about?"

"It's a long story," Harry said with a smirk, "but I definitely don't want to go to her house. It's an awkward moment waiting to happen."

Kyle was just looking at Harry, shaking his head. "Send her a letter."

Later, Kyle left to help his sister with something. Harry thought it would be a good time to try to write a letter he could send to Luna. He would have to maybe send it at the Tonks' place. He was pretty sure they had an owl.

He managed to find paper and sat down. He had no idea where to start. What could he say? He felt like an idiot. A pathetic idiot. He couldn't imagine meeting face to face with her now. She saw right through him and he was embarrassed at what she had found. If only he hadn't slept with her! Things wouldn't have gotten so complicated. He knew Luna was beautiful, kind, and intelligent, but it was so different then how he felt with Ginny. Things seemed to feel perfect when he was with Ginny. There wasn't a girl in the world who knew him better. Her family loved him and made him feel like he was a part of something. Harry knew that Ginny loved him.

He looked down at the blank paper sitting in front of him. What could he say to Luna that wouldn't sound fake and forced and shallow? Harry sat back in his chair. He reached for a cigarette and lit it. Should he try to play it cool with Ginny? His instincts always pushed him to try to solve her problems, avoid conflict, and react to her emotions. On the other hand, she fell right into his arms when he asserted himself in keeping boundaries. Maybe the best thing to do would be to let things cool down with everyone. Keep a distance for a little while.

Harry thought he'd run it past Kyle. Kyle was the only reason he was still sane anymore. If it hadn't been for his ability to put Harry's mental and emotional warfare in perspective, he can't imagine how the past few weeks would have been. Harry thanked his parents that he had the perfect stranger walk into his life at the right moment. Now that the auror training school was completely out of the question, Harry was glad that he had a partner in crime who loved to have fun and was always upbeat. Since, Ron and Hermione were together, he needed someone to be his confidante.

Harry finished his cigarette and stubbed it out. He stood up from the table, leaving the blank paper. Maybe he'd figure out what to write later. He walked into the living room. The flat was silent. Bright sunshine was blasting through the windows. Harry decided to go out. He didn't have a particular destination in mind, but at least wanted to enjoy the day. Maybe he'd grab some booze.

Later that day, Harry returned home. He opened the door and found Kyle crouched near the corner, fiddling with something.

"Hey," Harry said, "what are you doing?"

Kyle looked back, "Oh, I finally found my old stereo. Turns out I left it at my sister's place, not my ex's."

"Huh," Harry said, loading the freezer up with the liquor he had just purchased.

"Yeah, I figured since I don't have any plans on leaving this sweet-ass apartment in the near future, I might as well help you out with furnishing it," Kyle said, smirking.

Harry just raised his eyebrows. He had a feeling once he let Kyle in, he would probably never find a way to get him out. Not that Harry minded. Plus, he did need another source of entertainment besides his TV.

"Well, I gotta run back over to Natalie's place soon. She's got me lifting all kinds of shit. I told her I'd be back soon, but I'll give it just a little while more. I'm not her personal moving-bitch," Kyle said, standing up and observing the set- up of the stereo.

"Okay," Harry said, "anything going on tonight?"

"Well," Kyle said while rubbing his forehead, "there is a party down at the same spot as last week, but that was sorta lame. We could go back to that bar again. The Chelsea something-?"

"The Chelsea Potter," Harry said, smiling.

"Yeah, or that new one, The Cadogan Arms…?

"I think that's a gay bar," Harry said, laughing. Kyle laughed, too.

"Whoops," he chuckled. "Hey, girls love going to gay bars."

"Yeah, but so do gays guys."

"Very true. You'd be a goner in there, Har."

Harry rolled his eyes and removed a beer from the fridge.

"You could show me one of the wizard bars you were talking about? In Diagon Alley?"

"Ehhhh," Harry said, frowning, "I don't think it's a good idea. I'm not in the mood to run into anyone."

"Hey, you might run into Luna."

"That would be bad," Harry said.

"Did you get a chance to write a letter to her?"

"No. I tried, but I don't really know what to say…"

"I'm horrible at writing. Wish I could help ya. I guess, I'll run back to Natalie's now. Get it over with. We'll figure out what we're doing later when I get back."

"Okay," Harry said, plopping on the couch and sipping his beer.

"You gonna be here, later?" Kyle asked.

"I guess."

"Cool. See ya."

Kyle left leaving Harry to stare at the TV. He was about to light a roach he discovered in the ashtray when he heard something at the windows.

Standing up, he walked to the window and saw a large, ugly owl trying to get in. He opened the door and ducked out of the way, allowing the bird to drop a letter on the floor and leave. It was from the Weasley's. Harry picked it up and ripped it open.

_Harry,_

_I'd like to get a chance to talk to you, but I know you usually have company at your flat. Could you meet me at my house any time today?_

_Ginny_

Harry looked over the note again. What did she want to talk about? Whatever it was, he was sure it wouldn't be the most comfortable of conversations. The last couple times he was at the Burrow, he was responsible for causing a scene. He didn't want Mrs. Weasley to think he was making trouble. Maybe Ginny could meet him somewhere?

Harry looked at the clock. Ah hell, he might as well just suck it up. It was getting later in the afternoon, fast approaching evening.

Harry arrived at the Burrow and knocked on the door. It opened.

"Hiya, Harry," Ron said, beaming. "Oi! Long time, no see."

"Yeah," Harry said, walking into the house. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, really. Hermione's coming back soon. She went out with mum to help her shopping."

Harry was relieved. "Is Ginny here?"

"That's why you came here? I thought you came to see me!" Ron said, disappointed.

"Yeah," Harry said, smiling, "that too."

"These women are driving me mad, Harry. Dad's always at work. And lately George and Charlie have been taking off to Bill's place. I need something male around besides Errol to help ward off all these mad girl emotions."

"Why, what's going on?"

"Well, you know how Ginny has been lately. After everything that's been going on with you and Luna, she and Hermione have been going on and on. Girl talk they call it."

Harry laughed although Ron's words made him uneasy. Was Ginny still upset? If Hermione was discussing things with her, maybe she'd help to get him off the hook.

"I'm sorry," Harry said.

"You've got to get me out of here, mate."

"Errr, well Kyle and I were going to go out someplace later…"

"Brilliant! Where?"

"We don't quite know, yet."

"Well, I really don't care. As long as it's away from here-"

Harry heard footsteps and saw Ginny appear at the bottom of the steps.

"Hello, Harry."

"Hello," Harry said. He noticed she was glaring at Ron.

"Do you want to go upstairs…or outside?"

"Sure, whatever works."

Harry gave Ron a look as he and Ginny walked back out the front door. They sat down on the steps. Harry looked at her with his eyebrows raised.

"So…" he said. "You wanted to talk to me about something?"

"Yes," she started, "I guess….I just…wanted to apologize."

"For what?" Harry asked. He hadn't expected her to say that.

"For...everything. I hate the way everything has turned out, y'know? I never wanted things to get so complicated. I miss the way we were."

"Me too," Harry said quickly. He didn't know exactly what she meant, though.

"My whole family is angry with me for what happened with us. They want you to come around more."

Harry looked at her. "I love coming over here," he weighed his words carefully, "I just don't want to come here when you have another guy around."

Ginny's face turned red. "I'm sorry, Harry. I really am. If I could go back in time, I would have done a lot of things differently."

"Like what?" Harry asked.

"I would have been honest with you, for starters," Ginny said. "I want you to be as close with all of us like you were. And I know that, because of me, you've been avoiding us. You've got new friends and you party all the time and now I miss you. But who am I to tell you to hang around when I messed everything up between us?"

Harry said nothing and looked down. He didn't know what to say. Ginny wanted him around more. That was good however, she wasn't saying anything about them getting back together. He looked back at her. She was looking at him as though waiting for him to respond.

"I miss you, too," he said finally.

She smiled. "You've been the best friend I could ever ask for, Harry. Please don't feel as though you don't belong here. Ron and Hermione are always talking about you. They really miss you. No one could believe it when you moved out. My mum went sort of mad."

"I'm sorry," he said. "I just couldn't stay here. Once I realized where you were going, I wanted to be sick, Ginny. I can't even look at Dean without wanting to kill him. And when I came over here once, I saw him in your kitchen. I lost it. I can't deal with all that Ginny. I love your whole family more than anything, but seeing what stole my girlfriend is too much."

"He didn't steal me, Harry. I'm just…lost. I have no idea what I want, but I know I can't be in a relationship right now. With anyone. I need to get my head straight."

Harry's heart sank. Ginny noted the expression on his face.

"I just want everything to be better. I'm sorry for what happened with Luna. I shouldn't have gotten involved and now she's angry with me, too. God, I wish I could go back in time…" she broke off, putting her hand on her face.

Harry put his arm around her. He hated to see her upset. She looked up at him and he gave her a little shake.

"It's okay, Gin. Everything's going to be fine," he said, smiling. "I'm sure Luna will come around and-"

"I need to apologize to her, too-" Ginny blurted out, returning her face to her hands.

Harry laughed. "Relax, Ginny, you know how laid back she is. I'm sure she won't stay upset."

"Can you promise to come around here more often? If you don't, my entire bloody family's going to kill me…"

"Sure," Harry said, albeit well aware that he was just trying to appease her. She smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"Thanks," she said. "And thanks for being such a good friend."

"Of course," Harry replied, "I'll always be your friend."

Harry left about an hour later, after talking to Ron, Hermione, and Mrs. Weasley who finally came home. Harry returned home feeling very happy. Although Harry had been confronted with the idea of Ginny wanting to be alone, he had been showered in hugs and kisses and attention and couldn't help feeling very much loved. As long as Ginny wanted him around, he figured that was good for now.

When he reached his flat, he found that Kyle had returned home.

"Hey, man," Kyle said, as he emerged from his bedroom.

"Hey," Harry said. "So I just spoke with Ron, and he said he'd like to come with us tonight. He should be coming over pretty soon."

"Okay, cool," Kyle said, leaning against the kitchen counter. "So you went to the Weasley's, huh? How'd that go?"

Harry thought about it. "Alright, I suppose. I talked to Ginny for a bit."

"What'd she have to say?"

"Well, she apologized for everything. She said she's sorry about everything that happened with Luna."

"But?"

"I don't know…That's it I guess. She said she doesn't want to date anyone for a while. So, I guess that's that."

"And what about Luna?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did you ever send that letter?"

"No. I don't even know where to start. I really should just apologize to her."

"You're not gonna try to date her again?"

"No," Harry replied, "I just want things to go back to how they were."

"Awesome!" Kyle said. "I was hoping you would say that because I've been dying to do this for a while now." He stepped forward, grabbing Harry's face, and slammed his lips against Harry's. He pushed his tongue into his mouth and pressed their bodies together. Harry could barely process what was occurring until he felt his own lips moving, kissing Kyle back. The two boys kissed until both needed to stop for a breath.

"Whoa," Harry said, his eyes wide, looking at the smirk on Kyle's face. Kyle leaned forward, putting his hand in Harry's hair, and kissed him again.

There was a knock on the door. They broke apart.

"Who is that?" Kyle asked, annoyed.

"That's probably Ron," Harry said. He stepped back, unable to completely decide what to do.

"Do you want me to get it?" Kyle asked. Harry's eyes were fixed on Kyle's lip ring, which had just been sliding against his own lips.

"Errr..." Harry started, "No I've got it…" He walked over and swung the door open. Ron stood outside with a grin on his face.

"Hiya," he said, "long time no see."

Harry stepped back, allowing Ron to walk inside.

"You alright, mate?" he asked, looking at Harry. Harry realized his face was bright red.

"Err, yeah, I'm fine. Have you met Kyle?"


End file.
